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  • Second chance?

    Would you give your ex a second chance after they cheated on you?




    My ex & I dated in 11th grade but I broke up with him after 7 months bc I found out he cheated on me with 2 or 3 different girls.




    Hereís some background info:

    We were good for the first 5 months but he started acting different. He never asked to have sex with me. But he had sex with other girls. Like he never even wanted to have sex when I made the move to.




    Now, itís a year and a half later and he dated some other girl during our senior year. Now that weíre in college, he wants to a second chance and Iím not sure if should give him one. I love him, I do but Iím not sure if I can trust him bc he goes to a different college than me. But to be completely honest, I just want a friends with benefits type of relationship with him bc Iím bored and just to see if it turns anything serious this time.




    Since he asked for the 2nd chance, I told him that he has to stay single for 2 months, which started this month, October and ends in December. But that may be a little harsh. The 2 months is for me to see if heís serious or if heís just bored and doesnít want to be lonely. I just need help on what to decide, I know itís my decision but I just need to know what others think about it.

  • #2
    If you're not thinking about a real commitment then I suppose a second chance wouldn't be bad.

    Comment


    • #3
      This doesn't make sense. He has a track history of breaking rules(unfaithful). Now you're placing a rule on him from afar and have no way of monitoring his behaviour even if you wanted to. Ie. you can't even smell the stink of another woman on him or see the idiot cockeyed from sleep or lack thereof one suspicious morning after. Second, you're contradicting yourself by saying you want to toy with him and then you're behaving like you want something serious out of him (and for him to prove his worth to you). I think you should stick to the college books and leave this guy alone. I think you're lying to yourself about being "bored". Don't hurt yourself any more than you already have. Leave him alone and move on with your life. Block and delete his number forever as well as on any social media.
      Last edited by Rose Mosse; October 14th, 2018, 01:43 AM.

      Comment


      • #4
        ^^ agree, actually

        Especially the part about telling him he must be single for two months while all you want is a fuck buddy while you see if "it" works out.

        Figure yourself out young lady and leave him alone to be single and enjoy the other women where he goes to school without jumping through your hoops.
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

        Comment


        • #5

          laurae.30

          If it were me, no I wouldn't give a second chance to a man who cheated on me for obvious reasons: Yes, I can forgive and move on but it doesn't mean I'll ever trust nor forget deceit, betrayal and cheating. Those are major, major character flaws which cannot be fixed as a leopard cannot change its spots. If you revert back to your former naivete, all you will be doing is setting yourself up for future hurt, pain and disappointment. My story isn't the same as yours but I've given people multiple chances only to be burned yet again.

          Since you want friends with benefits and you're bored, it is your desire so go for it. If it turns serious, don't be shocked nor surprised when he cheats on you again. Your accepting him back into a relationship with you is at your own risk and gamble.

          Next, you put conditions upon him with telling him he has to stay single for 2 months. 2 months is nothing. Perhaps he'll be "good" for 2 months and since he's enrolled at a different college, it's a world away from you. There's no telling what he'll do when your back is turned. As long as you're ok with that distrustful behavior, by all means go ahead but personally, I wouldn't do it.
          "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by laurae.30 View Post
            Would you give your ex a second chance after they cheated on you?




            My ex & I dated in 11th grade but I broke up with him after 7 months bc I found out he cheated on me with 2 or 3 different girls.




            Hereís some background info:

            We were good for the first 5 months but he started acting different. He never asked to have sex with me. But he had sex with other girls. Like he never even wanted to have sex when I made the move to.




            Now, itís a year and a half later and he dated some other girl during our senior year. Now that weíre in college, he wants to a second chance and Iím not sure if should give him one. I love him, I do but Iím not sure if I can trust him bc he goes to a different college than me. But to be completely honest, I just want a friends with benefits type of relationship with him bc Iím bored and just to see if it turns anything serious this time.




            Since he asked for the 2nd chance, I told him that he has to stay single for 2 months, which started this month, October and ends in December. But that may be a little harsh. The 2 months is for me to see if heís serious or if heís just bored and doesnít want to be lonely. I just need help on what to decide, I know itís my decision but I just need to know what others think about it.
            If you want friends with benefits, it's better for you to be single. Don't settle for anything less than what you deserve. You deserve Love, someone for life. A husband and a father for your children. A heart who will beat for you in good and in times of struggle.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by laurae.30 View Post
              Would you give your ex a second chance after they cheated on you?




              My ex & I dated in 11th grade but I broke up with him after 7 months bc I found out he cheated on me with 2 or 3 different girls.




              Hereís some background info:

              We were good for the first 5 months but he started acting differently. He never asked to have sex with me. But he had sex with other girls. Like he never even wanted to have sex when I made the move to.




              Now, itís a year and a half later and he dated some other girl during our senior year. Now that weíre in college, he wants to a second chance and Iím not sure if should give him one. I love him, I do but Iím not sure if I can trust him bc he goes to a different college than me. But to be completely honest, I just want a friends with benefits type of relationship with him bc Iím bored and just to see if it turns anything serious this time.




              Since he asked for the 2nd chance, I told him that he has to stay single for 2 months, which started this month, October and ends in December. But that may be a little harsh. The 2 months is for me to see if heís serious or if heís just bored and doesnít want to be lonely. I just need help on what to decide, I know itís my decision but I just need to know what others think about it.
              ******EDIT*******
              My EX was the one who asked for the second chance. I am completely aware of the "two-month" deal and how ridiculous it is. Basically, the two month deal could be considered the talking stage to some extent. The "relationship" we had was more of a friendship because we never done anything sexually besides kiss. Like I previously stated, he never asked, he instead screwed other girls never asking me for anything. I also have to state that he was the one who wanted long term in this relationship before I ended it because I found out about the cheating after he asked for long term, if that makes any sense. If I give him a second chance and it ends up the same as it did the first time, then it's whatever. We're the same age, we're YOUNG. That's not a excuse to "toy" with both of our emotions, but whatever happens, happens.


              Last edited by laurae.30; October 15th, 2018, 01:31 PM.

              Comment


              • #8
                Were you a virgin when you were dating and he was screwing other girls? If you were, did he know you were a virgin?
                "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Yes. But Iím not sure if he knew that bc we never talked about sex at all. Iím not sure if he felt uncomfortable discussing that with me or not but he sure didnít feel that way with the other girls.. when I asked him why he cheated, this was about 3 weeks ago. He said it was bc he was ďyoung & dumbĒ either heís full of shit or been listening to khalid too much. And he says heís different but I donít know.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    laurae.30 No second chance. One and done.
                    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I think he probably knew you were a virgin and so he just used other girls for his carnal urges while he dated you instead of taking your virginity. Anyway, I have to ask you why bother with this dude? Are you still a virgin? Surely there are lots of other guys that you don't have such a sordid history with that you can be casual or serious with. He did you wrong, he doesn't deserve another chance.
                      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Iím assuming you are no longer a virgin?

                        Friends with benefits is an arrangement with someone whom you have no history or feelings for.
                        To enter one to ďseeĒ if it turns serious is just plain silly. It never will!

                        After a short 7 months (28 weeks!) where he cheated on you with a few others , there is no reason to give a second chance.
                        Young and dumb isnít a valid reason and he is still young and dumb.

                        If you had been in a 5 yr relationship with one slip up , then maybe a second chance is warranted but even that would take a lot of effort with a slim chance of success.

                        The 2 month ultimatum is ridiculous! Because you didnít know that he was sleeping with others while in a relationship with him, how would you possibly know when not in one!!
                        You should just turn down his offer point blank with no glimpse of hope and then IF he comes to you again 2 months later , only then consider it.
                        All he has to do now is hide his endeavours for 2 months and he can bed you? Is that right?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
                          Were you a virgin when you were dating and he was screwing other girls? If you were, did he know you were a virgin?
                          Yes, still am. He probably knew that I was, never said anything about it.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Y
                            Originally posted by Maggiemay4791 View Post
                            Iím assuming you are no longer a virgin?

                            Friends with benefits is an arrangement with someone whom you have no history or feelings for.
                            To enter one to ďseeĒ if it turns serious is just plain silly. It never will!

                            After a short 7 months (28 weeks!) where he cheated on you with a few others , there is no reason to give a second chance.
                            Young and dumb isnít a valid reason and he is still young and dumb.

                            If you had been in a 5 yr relationship with one slip up , then maybe a second chance is warranted but even that would take a lot of effort with a slim chance of success.

                            The 2 month ultimatum is ridiculous! Because you didnít know that he was sleeping with others while in a relationship with him, how would you possibly know when not in one!!
                            You should just turn down his offer point blank with no glimpse of hope and then IF he comes to you again 2 months later , only then consider it.
                            All he has to do now is hide his endeavours for 2 months and he can bed you? Is that right?
                            You have a point there. But at the end of the day, it's my decision and if it is the wrong one then that's a lesson learned.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by laurae.30 View Post
                              Y

                              You have a point there. But at the end of the day, it's my decision and if it is the wrong one then that's a lesson learned.
                              Of course it is your decision.
                              I hope you choose wisely!

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