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I'm being called a liar and a cheat without cause

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  • I'm being called a liar and a cheat without cause

    I was living with my partner in her country for 2.5 years and am now in my country waiting for her visa to be processed so that she can join me. It's taking a long time and we've been apart for 7 months.

    When I arrived back in my country I got a new SIM card and was given a phone number by the telco that had obviously been used before. I was receiving all sorts of messages and calls that were not for me.

    One day my partner asked me when did I install Viber on my phone and I said that I haven't. She called me a liar and said that on her old phone(we used to have Viber) it showed me as a Viber user with my new phone number. I repeated that I don't have Viber on my phone or anywhere. She again called me a liar and said that Viber can only be activated by a code on the mobile phone for the phone number. I again said that I don't have Viber and I haven't activated Viber because I don't have Viber. She accused me of lying and cheating on her and I was completely shocked and I ended up shaking and feeling in a really bad condition. My partner messaged the fake me on Viber and the receiver blocked her, so then she thought I had blocked her and the situation got worse until we both decided it might be easier if we split up(we didn't but we said that we would) as she now didn't trust me and I hated being called a liar and cheat, which I'm not and never have been.

    I contacted Viber and they told me that I if I show as a Viber user for my phone number then I must have installed it and activated it. I thought I was going insane! Emails with Viber went on and on and eventually they suggested that perhaps the previous owner hadn't cancelled the Viber account for that number and was still using it. My partner still didn't believe me! What Viber suggested was that I download Viber, activate it with my mobile number then I can decativate it if I don't want Viber. So that's what I did but even so, I don't think my partner believed a word of what I was saying.

    So after a month we settled down to normal again until 2 days ago when I was chatting with my partner on webcam and my phone rang. I asked her to wait and I answered my mobile phone. I couldn't understand what the person was saying and 3 times he/she hung up the phone and tried again. I told my partner I had no idea who it was but I thought it was a man I was expecting a call from about some furniture I was buying.

    So the next thing is I got 2 text messages on my phone saying " Let's start using Viber." Hmmmmm. Deja vu? So then I noticed that the phone calls and the text messages were coming from overseas, from my partner's country and I told her this so she asked for the number, which I gave her. I replied to the messages asking who was calling and saying that I don't have Viber. I didn't receive answers.

    My partner called the number and said it was answered by a woman and got a name and a FaceBook page. It meant nothing to me but my partner went ballistic, accusing me of lying to her and cheating on her.

    So we haven't communicated since except to send messages on Messenger, not online at the same time. I am feeling so disheartened, disillusioned and disapponted. Really, I feel like I just want to die and get some peace about the whole thing.

    I have told her that if you love someone you trust them 100%, it's part of loving someone, trusting that they won't tell you lies and won't cheat on you. I trust her 100% and if she had problems on her phone like I had I would belIeve what she tells me because I love her and I trust her 100%.

    I know she has trust issues because of the behaviour of her previous partners, but I am having a hard time convincing her that I am not like the others. I feel so bad, so disrepected that she can call me a liar and a cheat so easily without for one minute suspecting that it's a mistake and these calls were for the previous owner of my phone number.

    At this stage I'm prepared to put our relationsip in the too hard basket because I just can't cope with all this suspicion and accusations, bieng called a liar and a cheat is sending me insane.

    I have no idea how to handle this and I just feel so bad, unloved by her and so disrespected when all I have ever done is love and adore her and do everything I can to show her how much I love her.

    Now she is turning it around that she is doing all the loving and that she's sorry she's not enough for me when it's me who has had the wrong thing done, being accused twice now in one month. She is saying that she knows that the truth will always come out, so she is still not believing what I'm telling her, because the truth is already out. I just don't know what to say to her

    Any advice/suggestions? Thanks in advance






  • #2
    Getting calls and messages on a new number that’s not meant for you is a pain in the ass so why the hell didn’t you complain to the telco company and insist on a new number?

    But whats a bigger pain in the ass is your gf! However I do have to ask you if you have enabled her mistrust?
    You say she has trust issues because of previous partners , how soon into YOUR relationship did that manifest? And what did YOU do about it? Did you become an open book to her? Phone access etc? In order to prove yourself trustworthy?
    Because if you did , then it makes sense that she never actually learnt to trust you with time and only “trusted” you when provided evidence. She lost that when you parted ways.

    So basically she has never trusted you and you are only realising this 3 years later.

    Up to you if you want to have to continually prove yourself but thats exhausting!
    What are you going to do?

    Comment


    • #3
      Yes, the messages and calls are a pain in the ass but so is updating so many people and places with a new number! I will consider it but it shouldn't really be a problem if my partner is reasonable and can see that this is what is happening and believes me, like she should.

      I've seriously done nothing to enable her mistrust. I've been totally open with her and never hide anything from her.

      I knew about her issues before we even met as we were close friends online for 2 years before we met and I knew about what her husband had done to her and others that she'd had relationships with. It was because of this that I was always open with her as I didn't want her to think I was going to be like the others. She continually asks if I am the only one and there's no one else in my heart and mind. This was every day, but not so often now.

      The strange thing is she says she trusts me but she doesn't trust other women not to entice me away from her, whatever that may mean, lol! She obviously doesn't trust me and believes that I lie to her and that I cheat on her.

      It's very exhausting, yes, I agree and the Viber thing was bad enough but now this phone call episode has me wondering if I should keep going.

      The thing is that for her to come to Australia on a tourist visa is the first stage of getting her here permanently as my partner and that's already in progress. It's going to cost me about $8k USD all up for her to be here as a permanent resident. It's not about the money, but...it's going to take all the cash I have and possibly more and if our life together is going to be full of her insecurities it's not going to take much for our relationship to collapse.

      What am I going to do? Hmmmm! I have no idea at this stage, that's why I posted on here, so I can get some advice and tips from others who may have been through this. I know what my gut feeling is telling me but I seriously love her very much and facing life without her would be a major challenge.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by FreddoBee View Post
        Yes, the messages and calls are a pain in the ass but so is updating so many people and places with a new number! I will consider it but it shouldn't really be a problem if my partner is reasonable and can see that this is what is happening and believes me, like she should.

        I've seriously done nothing to enable her mistrust. I've been totally open with her and never hide anything from her.

        I knew about her issues before we even met as we were close friends online for 2 years before we met and I knew about what her husband had done to her and others that she'd had relationships with. It was because of this that I was always open with her as I didn't want her to think I was going to be like the others. She continually asks if I am the only one and there's no one else in my heart and mind. This was every day, but not so often now.

        The strange thing is she says she trusts me but she doesn't trust other women not to entice me away from her, whatever that may mean, lol! She obviously doesn't trust me and believes that I lie to her and that I cheat on her.

        It's very exhausting, yes, I agree and the Viber thing was bad enough but now this phone call episode has me wondering if I should keep going.

        The thing is that for her to come to Australia on a tourist visa is the first stage of getting her here permanently as my partner and that's already in progress. It's going to cost me about $8k USD all up for her to be here as a permanent resident. It's not about the money, but...it's going to take all the cash I have and possibly more and if our life together is going to be full of her insecurities it's not going to take much for our relationship to collapse.

        What am I going to do? Hmmmm! I have no idea at this stage, that's why I posted on here, so I can get some advice and tips from others who may have been through this. I know what my gut feeling is telling me but I seriously love her very much and facing life without her would be a major challenge.
        What??? This started as an online affair?
        How exactly did you meet online?

        If you knew about her mistrust issues why on earth did YOU start a relationship with someone who clearly had not got over her ex and come to a place of indifference? You must have known that was playing with fire?

        Because of HER issues , you were always open with her, I am guessing so much to a fault. Which yes is enabling.

        Saying she trusts you but not other women to entice you is actually saying she thinks you are a weak male . Are you ok with her having that little respect for you????

        Why is her moving to Australia going to cost YOU?
        Is she not at least paying half?

        I came to Australia as a tourist. I am a resident now. I paid for it. I know the process. I did it while in a relationship but I owned the cost. I never asked the guy I was seeing (in Australia but from my country) to pay anything. Why would I?

        You are a fool if she doesn’t even suggest paying half .

        We cant tell you what to do. That’s up to you.
        What challenges are you talking about that would be major without her??

        Comment


        • #5
          O.k We met on a dating site. It was not actually an affair as such. I went to meet her in her country and I had an open mind. It could be magiic or we stay bff. It was magic and I stayed and setup house with her.

          No, I am not ok with her having so little respect for me. That is my major issue. i respect her totally and hope for the same from her.

          She has no money. No job, nothing. I have supported her and her 3 kids for 3 years, paying all expenses, even while we are separated, I pay everything.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by FreddoBee View Post
            O.k We met on a dating site. It was not actually an affair as such. I went to meet her in her country and I had an open mind. It could be magiic or we stay bff. It was magic and I stayed and setup house with her.

            No, I am not ok with her having so little respect for me. That is my major issue. i respect her totally and hope for the same from her.

            She has no money. No job, nothing. I have supported her and her 3 kids for 3 years, paying all expenses, even while we are separated, I pay everything.
            Magic or stay “bff” as in best friends forever? You were never her friend never mind her best friend.
            What country is she in? You sound like the best ticket for her out of there! So why she is compromising that I don’t know!

            No job, no money, 3 kids to support and on top of that insecure af.
            What exactly enticed you to move from Australia to be with her?
            What dating site did you join? There are several local ones!

            Is this a cultural thing that i am not getting?????

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Maggiemay4791 View Post

              Magic or stay “bff” as in best friends forever? You were never her friend never mind her best friend.
              What country is she in? You sound like the best ticket for her out of there! So why she is compromising that I don’t know!

              No job, no money, 3 kids to support and on top of that insecure af.
              What exactly enticed you to move from Australia to be with her?
              What dating site did you join? There are several local ones!

              Is this a cultural thing that i am not getting?????
              Never her best friend? How do you mean? I thought I was!

              She is in Philippines and I thought it would be a good place to be where I could easily support her and her kids, far easier than in Autralia

              It was AsianDating.com, Gold Coast based

              What do you mean about the cultural thing?


              Comment


              • #8
                Freddo, please get your head out of your ass right now.
                You've been financing this woman for 3 years already? What are you doing???
                She's using you. You have to know that somewhere deep down, don't you? Surely you can't be this naďve.

                I have no problem with intercultural relationships. I've been in them myself. My father also married a Thai woman 12 years ago. She had always worked and taken care of herself in Thailand and saved up as much as she could before moving over here. Once she got here, she got a job and contributed as good as she could. There is NO reason why you should be supporting this woman and her family.
                Stop supporting her and sending her money, as of today. How long do you think it will take her to dump you? I'm guessing it won't be a month until she moves on to the next sap.
                You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by FreddoBee View Post

                  Never her best friend? How do you mean? I thought I was!

                  She is in Philippines and I thought it would be a good place to be where I could easily support her and her kids, far easier than in Autralia

                  It was AsianDating.com, Gold Coast based

                  What do you mean about the cultural thing?

                  lol!!!

                  So you basically joined the other fools in Australia who pay Filipino women money in order to get sex when you visit there because you aren’t getting it here?

                  I know a few men in your position. Underachievers on an average wage that live week to week but feel superior to their peers simply because they have a “hot” “wifey” in the Phillipines. Who actually is willing to prostitute themselves for the little money you send on a monthly basis even with their husbands permission. ??

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Maybe she's the one cheating and is projecting her shit onto you?

                    e where I could easily support her and her kids,
                    *shakes head*
                    Last edited by phasesofthemoon; October 15th, 2018, 04:30 PM.
                    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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