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Am I overreacting?

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  • Am I overreacting?

    So I recently moved to the same town as my s/o (we've been dating for 3 years now) bc he is going to grad school here and I am taking classes here now. He just took an exam today and is going out with his friends, whereas I have an exam tomorrow so I'm studying at home. I asked him if he was busy tonight and he said yes, I'm going out, why what's up? And I said, okay I was just wondering if you wanted to come sleep at my place tonight. And his response was, no I just want to be alone, sleep in my own bed and wake up in my own room. We only live a 2 min drive from each other, so I said I can just drive you home in the morning. And his response was the same. Idk, this kinda hurt me, because I am always willing to see him whenever he wants to see me, and it feels like anytime I ask to hang out he just can't fit it in his schedule. We only ever see each other at night or when we plan to do something because of his busy grad school schedule and intense school workload, so he's always studying. I just feel that I'm always accommodating towards him but when I want to see him he just wants to do his own thing. He claims that he is introverted and I'm more extroverted than he is, so he needs his alone time. Am I overreacting in getting upset over this? It feels to me like this is just a compilation of a lot of "no sorry I can't"s.

  • #2
    He's not so introverted that it prevents him from going out partying with his friends. I think he's good at making excuses for not wanting to hang out with you. Have you talked to him about it?
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


    • #3
      Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post
      He's not so introverted that it prevents him from going out partying with his friends. I think he's good at making excuses for not wanting to hang out with you. Have you talked to him about it?

      No no not yet. We talked on the phone and I kinda just ended the conversation bc I had to study. I didnt know if I was being over dramatic or not which is why I posted. I will definitely still talk to him about it bc it did bother me but hes out drinking right now so Id rather do it when I know hes sober.


      • #4
        anonymous1996 I think he needs his own space sometimes just like most of us and you should have quiet time home alone while you study for your exam. It doesn't make sense for your boyfriend to spend the night when you should be studying. It's hectic driving him home the next morning and it's one less thing you have to do if you simply stay home, study, fresh and well rested for your exam.

        Both of you are still in the thick of frenetically paced college life so it is stressful. (After graduation and jobs, life is so much more enjoyable and easier because I was at that place when I met and married my boyfriend!)

        Set your priorities straight. Relationships are not always fair even when compromise doesn't seem fair either. You can't change him. Either accept the way he is or he is not for you long term.
        "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."


        • #5
          If you're dating somebody for over 3 years you should know him better by now. Tell us more about your relationship overall. How often did you see each other before he moved to your town? Was it exclusively long-distance relationship with occasional sex or something more? A lot of times when two young people are together, one of them has no idea that their relationship is not as serious as they think. Sit down and talk about it.
          I'd say if I'm dating somebody for 3 years (or less) I'd have no problem visiting their house or vice versa without even asking. Think about that.


          • #6
            I agree with Chanelle. Don't have him over when you have an exam the next day. This doesn't make sense and it just devalues the seriousness of your work and undermines you as a grad student. It also risks you looking unusually needy at a time when you should be prioritizing your needs and goals for rest and getting through grad school. I don't really think it has to do with how long you've been dating. I wouldn't respect someone who asked me to come over before an exam the next day and there's no way I'd want a man back home after he's been "out" with his friends (and you don't even live together or are not married). You're not his babysitter or his mother. He can clean up after himself and smell better the next time he sees you. You are bending over backwards and it's cutting into your own school work and you're appearing very unattractive. I suspect he doesn't want to be around you for those reasons. You're far too easy and you don't respect yourself enough.

            If you don't feel that he's making much of an effort in the relationship or you don't sense a deep connection, this isn't the man for you. Don't put him in awkward positions where he is less of a man either showing up at your place smelling of drink and half-witted.
            Last edited by Rose Mosse; October 9th, 2018, 02:00 PM.