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Please help - Relationship that is like roommates

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  • Please help - Relationship that is like roommates

    Okay, this maybe a long post, I apologize in advance. So a little bit of info, Iím 34 and have been with my girlfriend for almost 7 years. When we first started dating there were warning signs, we argued the first few months.. ď the honeymoon stageĒ where we were still getting to know one another. When I say argue, we almost broke up 4 months into our relationship. Through the 7 years things happened that made me pull away. There is just things about her that always really bothered me. So fast forward to now.. 7 years and we argue 3-4 days a week consistsntly for 7 years, we have periods where we go longer and get along.. but we also have moments where our arguing is intense. We constantly say we want things over, it is just not a completely healthy relationship.. thatís not to say there are not good moments, because there are. We have two dogs together, live together and so fourth.. but.. and I feel guilty saying this but Iím not sure that I am in love with her anymore.. I love her but not sure I am in. Love. So,out last fight really pushed me away, again..we both were mad and said it was over.. so in that timeframe Imstsrtrd talking to someone and i really her.. she is aware of my situation. Well, she is moving and asked me to move I pn with her to split the rent..and Iím tempted to say yes.. this girl and I get along great, we have this instant connection when we are together.. now through this.. my gf and I are kinda of taking a breather even though we live together.. ur she wants to stay together and says Iím the love of her life.. but I canít say the same.. thismother girl lives in another state.. Iíd be walking away from. Y current life and taking a huge leap of faith, Iím 34and have no kids ( long story involving my gf) and I donít want to wake up and regret things.. I am so torn, I kinda want to take this chance but Iím scared, Iím scared of the outcome, Iím scared ofmhurting my gf and walking away from her.. Iím scared about the future.l but Iím also not completely happy with the present.. this girl wants me to move soon and Iím struggling to decide.. please someone help me.. 8m gettingnsick going back and fourth,, could I be happy with my gf ? Probably but not as happy as we all should be, not in love.. I donít want to break my gray heart or hurt her.. but we are ina somewhat toxic relationship.. please please someone help ,s with this.l Iím getting sick to my st9mach trying to figure this out.

  • #2
    It's clear that your relationship with your girlfriend is over.
    Move on. Make a clean break, end it with dignity and respect and don't feel guilty for it. You have every right to end a relationship that's not making you happy

    Don't make the mistake of starting something new before you've well and truly ended and processed the past.
    This new girl might be great but you're in no condition to be a boyfriend to anyone at the moment. Whatever you start now, won't last. So if you really value this girl, let her go and visit her again in 6 months or so.
    You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf


    • #3
      Agree 100% with Ayla.

      I'd add that you don't appear to be living our life with any long-term plan. You've spent SEVEN YEARS in a relationship that started poorly and only got worse. What a waste.

      End that relationship but DO NOT jump into another one. Spend the time getting your head together, getting comfortable in your own skin, recovering from the trauma of 4 fights per week for seven years, and making some kind of plan for your life.

      That's going to take a year, at least. Don't rush it.

      Once you've to that, you can start seeking out a partner that's really compatible with you, your values, and your goals.

      It would be downright tragic to jump into another dead-end relationship simply as an escape from this relationship only to find another seven years have gone by with no discernable progress.

      Good luck


      • #4
        . this girl and I get along great, we have this instant connection when we are together..
        WTF is wrong with you? Stop with the bullshit and leave your girlfriend BEFORE you start thinking you get along with a perfect stranger. You did that with your current girlfriend and now you're monkey branching on her and think you have some connection with a twat that knows you're common law married. She's not a good prospect if she wants you when she knows you're taken. You're both acting ridiculously.

        now through this.. my gf and I are kinda of taking a breather even though we live together.
        Horse shit. Who are you trying to kid? If you're in some sort of "breather" then tell your g/f about this twat you're pursuing and let the chips fall where they may.
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


        • #5
          yeah the relationship is over. I'd be really careful moving in with someone who is essentially a rebound, but if it's what you need to do in order to get out of your current relationship then go for it. I'd certainly advise getting your own apartment (even in the same state as the new girl if that's what you want to do) but moving from one domestic relationship into another is a bit crazy


          • #6
            Iíve never had a roommate that I argued with 4 times per week.
            What are you arguing over anyway that is that many times??

            And no sane person would ask an internet stranger to move to their state to be roommates!
            And no sane person would accept that proposition!

            If you want to leave your gf, do it, but not by jumping into a safety net full of holes.

            Your only sensible option should you break up with her is to choose to be single for a significant amount of time.


            • #7
              Stop speaking to a some other woman when you are actually attached. You're just doing yourself a disservice. Look at the hot soup you're in and all the confusion. Think of the type of man you want to be. Besides, what type of woman would want to hook up with you when you're so screwed up and living with another woman. Hello? Neither you or this other woman can be trusted and you're both a little shady to me. Your brain and your filter is totally busted, man. Take a long cold shower and come to your senses.


              • #8
                It sounds like both of you are too afraid to leave. This will get harder the longer that you leave it, and as you build more of a life together.

                Its hard, but think from the perspective of being 50 years old and looking back on your life - in hindsight it may just be a period of time that you would rather forget happened.