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Feasibility of having kids with a wife who is over age 40?

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  • Feasibility of having kids with a wife who is over age 40?

    Edited: Are there any couples here who successfully conceived after age 40 with or without fertility treatments, surrogacy, etc? I am interested in potentially settling down with someone in their 40s but the fertility issue might be a deal breaker.
    Last edited by surfingandsailing; September 15th, 2018, 11:34 AM.

  • #2
    Do the women actually WANT kids?
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      Originally posted by surfingandsailing View Post
      I'd really appreciate help on this topic. I am looking to settle down with someone. One of the potential life partners is 42 and the other is 52. I am not in a serious relationship with either yet but dating them is a strong possibility. The problem is that I'd like to have kids, but I read that women in their early 40s have much lower fertility and women over 45 tend to have no fertility. What is the best way of dealing with such a dilemma? (I know it's easy to say "avoid the problem, pick a younger woman and have kids with her" instead, but assume that is not a preferred option.)

      One idea if I end up in such a marriage are fertility treatments, which tend to have low success rates without an egg donor. Another is surrogacy, which is expensive and complicated but there's a high chance of success. And finally, I heard about a new arrangement called "co-parenting" where the man could have babies with someone who is not the wife and not a romantic partner (the female co-parent is looking to have kids as soon as possible even without marriage). I realize that with the 42-year old we might still have a natural pregnancy window with or without fertility treatments. In any case, am I deluding myself that I can have both a marriage with one of these women and find a way to have kids too? Also, is there any option I'm missing? Thanks.
      What?
      You're not even dating these women but you're wondering about having babies with them. Are they your fuck buddies or something?
      Are they the only women on your deserted island so you have to choose only one or the other?
      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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      • #4
        Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post
        Do the women actually WANT kids?
        Yes, one is open to having more kids.
        Last edited by surfingandsailing; September 15th, 2018, 11:19 AM.

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        • #5
          surfingandsailing My aunt was in her 40s when she started her family and now has 2 grown children. Yes, it's possible even without fertility treatments. There are pros and cons. Pregnancy is riskier for an older mother and there are higher rates of birth defects, stillborn births, Down's Syndrome, etc. The upside is that older parents tend to be financially secure compared to couples in their 20s and 30s.

          By the time my aunt was a mother, she was already a homeowner and economically established. Therefore, she could afford to be a SAHM and enjoy watching her children grow up as opposed to dumping her kids off at childcare every morning. Waiting to start her family paid off for her.
          "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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          • #6
            Why do you continue to date someone who doesn't check off all your boxes in the first place? It doesn't seem very responsible to start and you're going to be putting someone (that lady you're seeing) in a sad situation if you end up dumping her just because she's not relationship material to you due to her age.

            My suggestion is slow down the relationship and take some time to think about whether this is the right woman for you. I think you're moving too fast and you're not prioritizing what's important or seeing things clearly. Regarding the fertility questions about her or you specifically, you both should be seeing a fertility doctor and assessing both your health (this question is really not helpful to you posted on a forum). I'm just being honest. Go see a doctor together.
            Last edited by Rose Mosse; September 16th, 2018, 01:29 AM.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by surfingandsailing View Post

              Yes, one is open to having more kids.
              With you? Someone they are not exclusively dating?

              Anyone considering bearing a child with someone they aren’t even in a relationship with is surely a red flag to you , is it not?

              And choosing a partner based on their “ability” to bear a child is absurd.
              Do you even know if YOU are fertile?

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