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My boyfriend and his female friend. Should I be worried?

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  • My boyfriend and his female friend. Should I be worried?

    Hi, I really need advice on my relationship, because it is tearing apart and I'm wondering if I cause all the problems in it or I really can't trust my boyfriend. In short: we have been together for 1,5 year. After a month of our relationship we decided to start living togethetogether. I don't know if that is important, but my boyfriend is four years younger than me, I'm 26. However, he was always really mature and caring for me, he still does, but at the beginning I was wondering if he is really ready for committed relationship. Generally we are great couple, with similar sense of humour and we agree on most topics. Our relationship for the last year developed and everything is great, but some situations from the beginning, when we started dating, are not really clear to me and sometimes I bring them up. The main issue is: female friend of my boyfriend. I was never a jealous type and I would never ask my boyfriend to cut some contacts, but this one girl makes me uncomfortable. He knows her for about a year and they were really close at the beginning of our relationship, now their contact is less intense. I know that my boyfriend used to sleep at her place, however he claims that there was never anything between them, he just treated her as a friend, they never slept together or anything, that's what he says. But somehow I don't believe him, especially as this girl have slept with all other guys from their friend circle and when I first meet her I felt like she is trying to show me that he knows my boyfriend better than I am (which is normal, she known him then he for about a year and I only for month). I'm afraid that my boyfriend slept with her, like FWB, and he didn't stopped after we started dating, because it maybe wasn't so serious back then. Once when we were together he "jokingly" asked her if she is pregnant, basing on her described symptoms. I wasn't worried, as they were close and they joked about everything. But then I, my boyfriend and a couple of friends were at her place, we were drunk a little, when she started complaining that recently she had to take "morning after pill". I saw my boyfriend getting nervous and then I started to worry. We were not living together yet back then and I was scaried that maybe he still was sleeping at her place and their friendship wasn't so pure. I know that she had a boyfriend back then, but it never seemed to stop her from sleeping with even taken guys. I don't know if she was fond of me and didn't bring up the topic to make me worried and to question my relationship. My boyfriend claims that he only got nervous, because she didn't act like herself, being depressed and all that, because she always was cheerful and then he said that he wasn't nervous at all. He repeated that there was nothing going on between them and he didn't sleep with her ever. However, I stared to view her as a threat. Then, we started living together and I thought that everything will be fine. We rented an apartment really close to that female friend, I don't know if my boyfriend really wanted that or it's just a coincidence. After we started living together I had to leave town for about a week and after I got back - I found red woman's hair in our apartment... I know that is silly, but his female friend is red-haired. I asked him if she visited him, but he said that she wasn't at our apartment, that he tried to invite her, but they were not available at the same time. But I'm not sure if he says the truth or he is afraid to tell me. I'm sick of worring that maybe she was there and they were having sex. One more - my boyfriend introduced her to me at the beginning of our relationship, which was really thoughtful, because he didn't try to hide any of his friendships and he even claimed that he was sleeping at her place. I don't know if I'm overreacting, but I'm really worried about their bond, if they really are just friends and if he wasn't sleeping with her at the beginning of our relationship. I saw them together, joking around, maybe a little flirting, his female friend is also a touchy type. But my boyfriend was like that in the presence of many girls and I was never worried, because he never crossed a line. What do you think? Can I trust my boyfriend? Isn't it all a little suspicious? I don't want to be the last to know that there was something between them and he cheated. Or I'm simply overreacting?

  • #2
    Nobody really knows what's going on behind closed doors and between your boyfriend and this red-headed slut. What I do know is that your thoughts and posts are riddled by anxiety and pain and that's what I'm most concerned about: you. I think you need to call a spade a spade. Concern yourself less with the ongoings of what might be happening and ask yourself whether you are happy in a situation where you constantly have to live in confusion and fear or anxiety.

    In my opinion, no person (man or woman or whatever) should have to live this way. You're denying yourself to a basic right: peace of mind. Ask yourself difficult questions about your life now and if you deserve to live like this and proceed from there. I also think that your boyfriend is no boyfriend at all and he is not mature. Real men don't behave like this, honey. I suggest you date around a bit more and get to know more respectable people. You're in the wrong crowd.


    • #3
      Guilty or not, your intuition tells you this woman is trouble. On top of that, you seem to know for a fact that she sleeps around and pursues taken men. Thus, she is of low character. You don't have the right or power to prevent your boyfriend from contacting her. However, you have the right and power to control what you will do. So make it clear to your boyfriend that his relationship with her makes you uncomfortable and that, out of respect for you and your relationship with him, you would like him to radically reduce his interactions with her and that you would consider it extremely disrespectful should he spend time alone with this woman.

      This is not a matter of you not trusting him (although you could make it that too). It's a matter of knowing the character of this woman and knowing what she is capable of and therefore wanting your partner (whoever that might be) to avoid close associations with people like that.

      If hanging out with people like that is more important to him than maintaining a relationship with you, then the two of your are incompatible and you know what you need to do.