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Should I be concerned???

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  • Should I be concerned???

    Last week, my wife said that she was going to talk to a friend on messenger, which we both have access too. She started to talk to this friend, but he said that text is easier for him, and gave her his phone number. She asked me if I was okay if she texted him instead of messenger. I said yes of course.

    Later in the day I found out that not only was this a friend from a long time ago, but there had been romantic feelings between them in the past during high school (She is 44 now), which she initially did not disclose. I then told her that it makes me feel kind of weird that she is talking to an ex, which she looked up on Facebook, and he said to her that if her and I do not work out that he would drop everything for her.

    We got in a smaller arguement thate evening, which is extremely rare that we argue. She left and I found out she continued to text him and even called for 40 minutes. When she came back, I asked if she had called him, already knowing the answer. She said no, and I called her out on lying to me. The next day she continued to text him, and I asked if she had reached out again. Once again she said no, and lied to me again about it. She did say that her phone is always open for me to look at, but she intentionally is deleting messages so I cant see them. She says it's because it is private things that he is telling her and she is the only person he will talk to about his issues.

    Last Thursday, we needed some time together and when I was as around he texted again, and I saw the text. It said that she always has a special place in his heart, he thought of her every day while on his forced vacation (prison), and he loves her. At that point I had enough and he needed to be aware that she is not available. So I texted back, with my wife's permission, stating thank you for saying that he is happy that my wife and I are together, and I take good care of all of her needs.

    After that he blocked my wife every way you can (Facebook, Messenger, and Phone). My wife is upset with me now because he has no one to talk to, but I felt that lines were being crossed. Did I blow this out of proportion?

  • #2
    Her interaction with him was inappropriate and I would say, bordering on an emotional affair and you were not wrong in asking her to stop the interaction. You did ask your wife for permission to text this twit and she gave it so it's not like you just took arbitrary action to stop their inappropriate connection.

    My question is: What would you have done had she said "no, you cannot contact him?"

    Your wife is not upset with you because "he has no one to talk to" but rather that you have made it so she cannot talk to him. I hope for both your sakes that she can do the right thing and realize that him blocking her is the best thing for her to get over any crush she may have and to re-establish her emotional connection and focus to you.

    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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    • #3
      I probably then would have arbitrarily taken action and reached out to him myself. I mean, I was deceitful with how I caught my wife too. I felt that I wasn't getting the full story, so I checked our phone records online. Her issue was that I would trap her like that in a lie, but my issue was that she gave me a reason not to trust her. My wife is my best friend. She cares for me as I have always wanted, and I do the same for her. She is currently in counselling and I think that it is helping, but also revealing a lot about her past.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by mywoo View Post
        I probably then would have arbitrarily taken action and reached out to him myself. I mean, I was deceitful with how I caught my wife too. I felt that I wasn't getting the full story, so I checked our phone records online. Her issue was that I would trap her like that in a lie, but my issue was that she gave me a reason not to trust her. My wife is my best friend. She cares for me as I have always wanted, and I do the same for her. She is currently in counselling and I think that it is helping, but also revealing a lot about her past.
        Then she's working on herself and that should give you a good reason to be hopeful that your marriage will survive this blip in tranquility. Don't let her make you guilty for turning this around on you. She was being inappropriate which caused you to snoop and you were smart enough to bring up with her what you found. She's working on herself so look at that positively.
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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        • #5
          You sure know how to pick em. Your wife wants to talk with an old friend in prison. Your relationship also sounds incredibly boring, one or both of you are having your needs neglected or you simply aren't hearing each other. I don't know what person in their right mind would want to seek validation and friendship from a convict or someone doing time. Let her work out her issues and you should work out yours. Whatever is happening in your marriage is not working and I think you're in denial. This prison guy is just a symptom of larger problems in your marriage.

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          • #6
            What is she in counselling for? This issue or other?
            Has she only started counselling since this???

            Why do you think she reached out to him in the first place?
            You say you rarely argue , but do you communicate?

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