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Torn between two people, don't know how to let me heart decide

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  • Torn between two people, don't know how to let me heart decide

    Hello there, thanks for clicking! I'll jump right into it. I was dating a girl a while back and it didn't work out, so I got back on the dating apps and wanted to casually date a variety of women. Take it easy and slow and try to learn. It ended up that I began seeing two women that I was really interested in. I saw both of them for about 1.5 months, and was enjoying it, although it was beginning to feel emotionally complicated. A little after that point, one woman (Ill call her Susie) asked if I was seeing anyone else. I told her that I was, and she was quite upset. She said she understands how poly can be a thing for some people, but she really wanted someone to give her and the relationship a shot to grow. No guarantees, just not sitting on the fence. I thought about it for a few days, and told her I wanted to give it a shot, and stop being intimate with (ill call the other girl Jessica). My thought process during that time was that I really like them both, but Jessica has told me she isn't in the place for a relationship, and is moving across the country in 4 months. I would like to give a relationship a try, and also worry that if I were to continue things with Jessica, it would be so painful when she moves. So therefore I thought about Susie, and I really liked her too, and thought it'd be a wonderful experience with her to try going on that journey. So thats what we did. A few days ago, Jessica got back from 3 weeks in the city she will move to (before she left and before I talked with Susie, Jessica said she would share her emotions when she got back, which is the above about not ready for a relationship). Jessica also told me that she selfishly wishes we could continue being intimate and exploring together, but knows it would be tough on me. Seeing her brought back all sorts of emotions. Part of me really wishes I could keep being intimate with her and hanging out with her, we really connect. I like them both for different reasons, and wish I could date them both. I know I would be capable of that sort of love, but it wouldn't be fair for Susie as she isn't looking for that. Basically I am just feeling torn and like I am emotionally cheating on Susie and that hurts me and would probably hurt her. It is not like I was dating Susie and started to wander and see others. These relationships started at the exact same time, and I guess they both built up quickly and I am having a hard time coming to terms with all of it, and giving Susie a full chance when it was so recent that I said I would stop things with someone else I also really cared for, and have been missing. I went on a weekend trip with Susie the weekend before Jessica got back, and during a romantic night, Susie asked if I wanted to make it official with her. I didn't want to lose my chance at trying things with her, so I said yes. I do like her and our connection a lot and feel it could really go somewhere, but I can't help that it is so confusing in my heart that it felt rushed, and I still have strong feelings for Jessica, and sometimes wish I was holding her as well as holding Susie. It just feels like a tornado in my heart and mind, and don't know how to calm the storm.

    I guess the above isn't really a question, but more just wanted to share my story and to see if anyone else has ever been in something similar, or is willing to share their thoughts on how they would move forward.

    Thank you in advance!

  • #2
    Yes, I have. You're filling a void and I'm willing to bet you came out of a tumultuous situation not long ago. No one continues seeing two people at once "casually" without starting off as a complete fuck up, ok. I don't care how you cut it. I have a lot of respect for the poly community but dating "casually" is a transition period and often a healing period for many. This isn't poly at all. You haven't healed. Figure out why you have these feelings and tendencies to hold on to parts and pieces instead of looking for all the qualities you want in a woman in one place. You might also want to reconsider whether you still want to be a fuck up or whether you want to grow - I mean really grow forward. I'd suggest for you to stop seeing both women and take a time out from dating. It's probably going to be difficult for you but it'll help you re-center and ground yourself.
    Last edited by Rose Mosse; August 5th, 2018, 01:29 AM.

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    • #3
      You seem to think that Jessica would be ok with you seeing others?
      But by her response that she thinks it would be too hard on you when she moves , sounds like she assumes you are only seeing her.
      Silly Jessica.

      When you became official with Susie, why did you then meet Jessica?
      Yes that is cheating and lying.

      Reading between the lines, it is you thatís not ready for a relationship.

      So end it with Susie to be fair to her, continue with Jessica if you wish , knowing that in 4 months time , you will be with neither girl.

      Its not really a dilemma.

      To date two women casually is fine , but eventually you have to continue with one or neither.
      You canít have a poly relationship with unwilling participants. This is not poly. This is cheating only.

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      • #4
        Jessica is willing to use you until she leaves.
        Susie is into you and would like to advance the relationship.

        It's not that hard ffs.
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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