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Girlfriend is Traveling thru Europe with College Friends...and Ex

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  • Girlfriend is Traveling thru Europe with College Friends...and Ex

    My girlfriend of 3 years (we're in our late 20s) is currently in Europe on a two week trip with some college friends...including her college ex of 3 years. Now I've never had any reason to not trust her but I am freaking out over this. Last summer she went on a weekend sailing trip with the same group of her friends and her ex was there, when she got back she admitted at some point that her ex was obviously still in love with her and laughed it off. Am I wrong to be freaking out over this? The reason he's there is basically because he's best friends with one of the friends and a good friend of one of the others.

    When she gets back I want to ask her if anything happened but I am sure it'll go down the "do you not trust me?" route.

    Thanks for any insight.

  • #2
    Why are you not going on these trips with her? Have you met these college friends (including the person in question?)

    DO NOT ask her if anything happened... If anything did, she's just going to lie to you anyway. Does she have anything going on with this person other then the group trips? Is she in contact with him in between these trips?
    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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    • #3
      Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
      Why are you not going on these trips with her? Have you met these college friends (including the person in question?)

      DO NOT ask her if anything happened... If anything did, she's just going to lie to you anyway. Does she have anything going on with this person other then the group trips? Is she in contact with him in between these trips?
      I've met everyone except the ex, I trust them all.

      I didn't go this time around because I actually have an important job, they are little more on the ask daddy/mommy for money thing. The friend who put it together did offer the trip to me (I think more as a courtesy), I do like the friend a lot.

      To my knowledge there is no sole contact between my girlfriend and her ex, the only time would be in these group situations.

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      • #4
        Then why worry about it? I suspect that if they were up to some hanky panky, her friends would be judging their behavior and if it was inappropriate, they certainly wouldn't keep inviting them so they could hook up. She's not having one on one date like activities with him and she's not in contact with him in between trips so it's just an appropriate opposite sex acquaintance at this point, I think based on what you've shared, anyway.
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
          Then why worry about it? I suspect that if they were up to some hanky panky, her friends would be judging their behavior and if it was inappropriate, they certainly wouldn't keep inviting them so they could hook up. She's not having one on one date like activities with him and she's not in contact with him in between trips so it's just an appropriate opposite sex acquaintance at this point, I think based on what you've shared, anyway.
          I guess I'm just worried because he's an ex.

          Maybe it's just jealousy too. They're traveling for almost two weeks together, I couldn't tell you the last time we spent two weeks straight together.

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          • #6
            Uhh awkward. Why the hell would she go on a trip where her ex was present and maintain a relationship with anyone? Since it's happened, worrying will just bring you down. I agree with Phases. It is what it already is. I think your girlfriend however either 1) doesn't have enough brains or 2) doesn't have enough friends. The bottomline if she keeps putting you in an awkward position like this (or herself), this isn't the girl for you. You shouldn't have to feel annoyed, jealous or irritated because your partner makes dumb decisions.

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            • #7
              Does she know or have you ever told her that this situation makes you VERY uncomfortable?

              That's not the same as asking or demanding that she not go.

              Assuming she's not stupid or oblivious, she can probably imagine how you feel about this. What does she say?

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              • #8
                Originally posted by cstein View Post

                I guess I'm just worried because he's an ex.

                Maybe it's just jealousy too. They're traveling for almost two weeks together, I couldn't tell you the last time we spent two weeks straight together.
                Then you should remedy that, no?
                "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                Comment


                • #9
                  A couple days after posting this I said something to her. I said I was freaking out over the situation, she asked what situation, then I said that she's in Europe with her ex for two weeks. She was surprised. I said I trusted her but I've just been super emotional about it. Later that day before she went to sleep she said our conversation "really messed with her". The next day she sent me a text saying she's sorry that I'm upset. I said I wasn't upset but was just overwhelmed and really emotional about the situation.

                  I guess what I've realized is I wasn't so much worried that they'd do something together but that I was moreso jealous that she went to Europe with him (and others) and not me and that he got to spend two weeks with her.

                  Now that our conversation has happened and she knows how I feel I'm feeling sick to my stomach. We've been together for three years and have never had a serious fight (stupid bicker sure) and I just don't want this stupid jealousy issue to end the relationship. Especially since we've talked about marriage and kids.

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                  • #10
                    It's not "stupid jealousy" that you are experiencing. If you girlfriend has any empathy at all, she ought to understand how her spending two weeks traveling with her ex-boyfriend is unsettling to you and disrespectful on her part.

                    What did she mean that the conversation "really messed with her" and what else did she say?

                    Certainly she can understand how she might feel if you went off to Europe with your ex-girlfriend. At least she said she was sorry that you are upset--assuming she understands how her decisions have contributed to that.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Pollon View Post
                      What did she mean that the conversation "really messed with her" and what else did she say?
                      She didn't really say what she meant. She just said it was "off putting and out of nowhere". And I admit it was out of nowhere, I just don't think she knew it was brewing in my head.

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                      • #12
                        Is she still on the trip?

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Pollon View Post
                          Is she still on the trip?
                          She leaves Europe today, will visit friends/family for a few days then be back here at the end of the week.

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                          • #14
                            I get that your gf is going on the trip.
                            Honestly, I don't think real close friends are disposable or that easily replaceable, so if her group of friends just happens to include him, that's tough luck. But I wouldn't expect her to stop being part of that group, because her ex is there.
                            As long as she's maintaining a healthy distance from him and you have no reason to suspect otherwise, it's really not that big of a deal.

                            What IS a big deal, is her lack of empathy for your insecurity on the topic.
                            Regardless of the fact that she shouldn't cancel her trip, she should have at least been open to hearing what it was exactly that made you feel bad about it, and tried her best to reassure you.
                            Maybe she should have agreed on certain things to make her trip less of a stressful event for you, compromises.
                            This seems like a bigger red flag to me that then actual trip.

                            Is this a general trait of hers? Does she easily discard your concerns or make things all about her?
                            You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Ayla View Post
                              Is this a general trait of hers? Does she easily discard your concerns or make things all about her?
                              No honestly she is most sincere, sweetest person I know.

                              Am I really that crazy to think this trip is weird? I would think most guys wouldn't want their girlfriend to go on a 2 week trip to Europe with their ex.

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