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  • Why are you with me then?

    So Iíve been thinking with my boyfriend a little over a year. We are both in our thirties. He is probably the best man Iíve ever met. He treats me very well and takes care of me and my kids from my marriage.
    The issue is, he has a type. He has a history of being interested in skinny Asian girls. I am not fat but
    not skinny African American woman. His last girlfriend who died of an overdose was probably 100lbs and Asian. Itís eating me up that he doesnít think Iím as attractive as that type. He reassured me Iím beautiful and he loves my curves but I canít get past it. I look at old pics of him and these girls and start arguments. Does anyone have any advice? How can I get over this? I love him very much.

  • #2
    A "type" is just a theoretical physical preference, when we love someone it's more than physical attraction, and in some cases the physical part may be almost non-existent when compared with personality, for example.

    He chose to be with you for some reason, don't worry about the rest.

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    • #3
      I dated cheerleader type girls but my ex fiancť is curvy and so was the girlfriend after her. Yet I ended up marrying a 4' 11" 79 lb. girl with 32A bra size. Go figure. As she gained weight it went straight to her breasts so she is now 36C, but still tiny. She also asks me why I married her since she is nothing like the girls I dated. I told her that I loved her, not the shell that contained her. Married 46 years.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Mynamehere754 View Post
        So Iíve been thinking with my boyfriend a little over a year. We are both in our thirties. He is probably the best man Iíve ever met. He treats me very well and takes care of me and my kids from my marriage.
        The issue is, he has a type. He has a history of being interested in skinny Asian girls. I am not fat but
        not skinny African American woman. His last girlfriend who died of an overdose was probably 100lbs and Asian. Itís eating me up that he doesnít think Iím as attractive as that type. He reassured me Iím beautiful and he loves my curves but I canít get past it. I look at old pics of him and these girls and start arguments. Does anyone have any advice? How can I get over this? I love him very much.
        I am currently with someone who isn't my "type"
        Mature adults don't chase their "type" anymore , they look beyond that.

        You can't change your appearance , but why are you struggling to be content with your appearance? Especially when your partner clearly is?

        Do you even know if his interest in Asians was about their look? It might have just as easily been about their culture?

        And why aren't you pleased that he loves you for the person you are? Irrespective of the packaging? Even though he also likes the packaging?

        There is no problem here except for the one you are creating.

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        • #5
          I had a similar issue with my boyfriend just recently. I found out that he's never dated a girl of my ethnicity, but has always dated woman who are much curvier with larger breasts. I was kind of put off, same as you, to learn my body type is not one he used to be attracted to. When I expressed this to him, he told me to remember who he was dating currently. Always try to remember that. Even if your boyfriend has dated other people, who is he with today? Ultimately, he picked you over all of the other Asian girls or whoever else you think is his type.

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          • #6
            I'm not sure why you're looking at old photos of him and his exes. Let's stop with the body image issues for a minute and focus on this really toxic habit. Please stop doing this. It's not good for you overall and you're becoming fixated on his past which naturally did not involve you. This is a no-win battle you're waging and you're the loser!

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            • #7
              Maybe the fact that a petite Asian girl died of an overdose made him change his "type" to someone more like you? His skinny drug addicted type is no longer his type. Lets hope anyway.
              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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