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Feeling too dependent?

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  • Feeling too dependent?

    I came to realize today that I may be way too dependent on my boyfriend. We will be celebrating our 3 year anniversary next month, so we've been together for some time now. He is in medical school (starting his second year) and I just finished undergrad. During college I would go see him quite often at med school (1-2 times per week) so we saw each other often. This summer, he was a TA for a program for which he received free housing, so I stayed with him for a few weeks while I would commute to work and we would see each other again in the evening. He just finished the program and is headed back home (which is about 30 minutes from where I live now) and spending the rest of his summer with his family and friends. I dropped him off at home today after spending the weekend at the beach and I couldn't help but feel overwhelmingly sad. I feel that I may be too dependent on him for happiness and I don't want to feel this way. I also just feel that I am in a rut with work (commuting, working 9-5, not having time to see family or friends or do things I enjoy) which is also making me feel depressed. I do not want to continue feeling that I have to be around him or spending time with him to be happy, but I'm not sure how to go about getting rid of that dependency. Does anyone else struggle with this issue? I know it'll help to do things by myself that I enjoy, and spend time with my family and friends, but like I said it's a bit hard right now with work and my commute is almost 2 hours, so by the time I get home I'm just exhausted and ready for bed. I don't know how not constantly be looking forward to the next time i'll see him or feel that I need to be around him or seeing him to be happy. We don't even text that often because we are both really bad with our phones which might add to this feeling that I need to be seeing him in person? Any advice?

  • #2
    I get you, my girlfriend is bad with her phone as well she's not that good with conversation in text, whenever I say anything she usually gives me a "yeah" or and "okay" which bothers me so much because I want to talk to her more while she just barely talks it out with me. Anyways I feel like you both are going through a long distance phase, it's something you have to be strong about if you truly love him. Spend as much time as you can with your family, they probably want to see you more often then not. You have to learn to be independent and be happy every day of your life, every moment you wake up out of that bed you have to realize how much he cares about you and your family does. I think it's the distance that bothers you so much but you have tell yourself that it won't be for so long make plans to move in so and so, you have to be strong for his sake and yours.

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    • #3
      Being sad because you won't see your boyfriend for a while doesn't classify as being too dependant. It's perfectly normal to feel sad, in moderation.
      It becomes a problem when it interferes with your daily life. Do you feel so sad that you don't want to engage in normal day to day activities? Do you feel like you don't perform well at work or can't concentrate? Do you have other friends or activities (sports, hobbies) that make you happy?
      Do you plan your life around your boyfriends schedule and make sure you can see him as often as possible, even if it means missing out on opportunities that won't come around very often?

      When I was in college, I went to Africa for a few months for an internship. Of course I was sad that I wouldn't get to see my boyfriend at the time for months on end. But I didn't let that stop me from going and having an amazing experience.
      So think about it for a while. Would you say no to an opportunity like that, just because you'd miss him too much?
      You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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      • #4
        Figure out your job situation, cut straight to the chase and stop waffling about debating about this guy. You sound annoyed with your own life and if you aren't happy about your own life, you can have all the billions of dollars in the world, work on your own time in your pjs and you will still be unhappy about something. Stop using him as a scapegoat. He's killing it in med school. What are you doing?

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        • #5
          Any changes that we do in life will cause us to feel different for a little bit, which is natural. As humans, we are wired to become used to something or somewhen and when changes do happen, we may seem to panic or not know how to cope. However, changes can be good too. I understand that you feel the way you feel. Long distance relationships can be challenging, but also can help you both grow as individuals. Maybe try setting up a specific day and time when you guys can talk and let that be your quality time. It takes compromise and sacrifice. In your case, you might have to sacrifice some sleep. But in a relationship that you want to make work, sacrifice is a must. So maybe try to come into an agreement about desginated time for you guys--like a date. I hope that helps. Praying for you. Take care.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
            Figure out your job situation, cut straight to the chase and stop waffling about debating about this guy. You sound annoyed with your own life and if you aren't happy about your own life, you can have all the billions of dollars in the world, work on your own time in your pjs and you will still be unhappy about something. Stop using him as a scapegoat. He's killing it in med school. What are you doing?
            What are you smoking Rose? That response makes no sense relative to what the OP said.

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