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Going on vacation with boyfriend and his 3 kids- financial question?

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  • Going on vacation with boyfriend and his 3 kids- financial question?

    My boyfriend takes his kids on vacation every summer. His kids are 13, 20, and 21. There isn't enough room in the car for me to go, so I will be flying to meet them there and will pay for my own ticket. How would you handle the finances of the trip? Should I help contribute to the rental house? If so, what %? If not, is it fair to offer to help with groceries/dinners out? What is the norm. We've been dating for years and this is always a hot button topic. I would like some feedback on what others think or have done.

  • #2
    Has he told you what he expects you to contribute? If not, why haven't you asked him?

    Personally, if he rents the place every year then I would let him pay the usual rental fee and I would buy groceries which would include enough for the four of you for a week or whatever length of time y'all will be there. To me, that would be fair.

    What do you think is fair?
    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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    • #3
      P.S. Why is there no room in the car for you? It is a five seat car right? Two in the front, three in the back?
      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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      • #4
        Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
        P.S. Why is there no room in the car for you? It is a five seat car right? Two in the front, three in the back?
        He has a small 2 door sports car- it is even tight for him and his 3 kids plus luggage. He thinks I should pay 1/2. He keeps saying, well if we were married, you should pay 1/2. I was like dude, they are not my kids. I should't be required to pay 1/2. I offered to pay 1/5 since that is my share of the house fee.

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        • #5
          I don't know why you're going? It's a vacay for him and his sons and I don't think it should be this stressful. Wouldn't you rather be doing something else than tagging along on this?

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          • #6
            Paying half is certainly not fair when he has three kids.
            "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
              I don't know why you're going? It's a vacay for him and his sons and I don't think it should be this stressful. Wouldn't you rather be doing something else than tagging along on this?
              Yeah, I'd rather not go, but he's making a huge deal if I don't. He has one son and 2 daughters who I get along well with.

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              • #8
                Paying half is not reasonable at all. When he says you should pay half because you would if you are married, you should let him know that if you were married he wouldn't make you travel on your own to get to the rental house. If you were married, you would probably rent a car and travel all together. A fifth is reasonable, and I think that's really all you should give him.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Witch View Post
                  If you were married, you would probably rent a car and travel all together.
                  That's a great idea. Why not rent a bigger car?

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                  • #10
                    Is that really a vacation?

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                    • #11
                      Half seems indeed very unfair. One fifth of everything seems fair.
                      You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Witch View Post
                        Paying half is not reasonable at all. When he says you should pay half because you would if you are married, you should let him know that if you were married he wouldn't make you travel on your own to get to the rental house. If you were married, you would probably rent a car and travel all together. A fifth is reasonable, and I think that's really all you should give him.
                        You tell em, Witchy.

                        Although a "fifth" to me isn't quite enough. Perhaps a fifth of the rental fee plus half on groceries and if any of the children have full or part time jobs then they can buy some of the snacks and incidentals that they want.
                        Last edited by phasesofthemoon; July 14th, 2018, 12:45 PM.
                        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post

                          You tell em, Witchy.

                          Although a "fifth" to me isn't quite enough. Perhaps a fifth of the rental fee plus half on groceries and if any of the children have full or part time jobs then they can buy some of the snacks and incidentals that they want.
                          Thanks! Yes, I agree with that. I was planning to help with groceries and some dinners out, etc. Oh- his kids pay for anything?? Yeah right- they all are super spoiled and wear designer clothes paid for by their dad, they would never contribute! That is a whole other issue, we just have different views on parenting and responsibilities. I don't say too much about that since I don't have my own kids and don't feel it is my place to give "suggestions"!

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                          • #14
                            Remind me again - why are you with this man?
                            He sounds like a spoiled brat himself.

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                            • #15
                              When he says "if we were married" , what is your response to that?
                              Tell him "if we were married", I would expect to travel together and not be that one person that can't fit in the family car ! And that you would expect not to be a paying accessory and that finances are joint decisions. Including paying for kids designer clothes.

                              Why are you "dating" him for years and not an equal?
                              If you actually get on that flight like an outsider , then you have no right to moan about your situation that that flight suggests you agree to.

                              Either go in a rental car like normal people would, or shut up and put up.
                              Sounds to me like you have paved your way and years later not happy with it.

                              Time to make a decision!

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