Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

I'm second on his list...after his dog

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • I'm second on his list...after his dog

    I'll try to keep this short. We've been together for 5 months. Until then it had been just him and his dog for the past four years. We moved in together a month ago and it's become obvious he's having a hard time not giving so much attention to his dog. She's a 120 lb Great Dane who doesn't like to see anyone or anything getting his attention instead of her. The biggest issue is the bed. Several nights I've been forced to the futon in the living room because she insists on sleeping on the bed (it's a queen size, so you can imagine how much room she takes up) and he doesn't put much effort into kicking her off. I've brought it up twice and he's good about keeping her off for one night, then it's right back to her being on the bed. I don't know what else to do. Ideas??

  • #2
    Well this is what you get for moving in with someone you've knows 4 months...
    You need at least a year to get to know someone before you can decide whether living with this person is a good idea and whether you're compatible enough.
    Obviously you're not compatible. He'd rather share his bed with the dog than with you.

    Move back out to where you came from. Tell him you won't be sharing a house with him until he's ready to share his bed with just you.
    You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

    Comment


    • #3
      Alrighty then. Thanks.

      Comment


      • #4
        I agree with Ayla but I have to mention about the poor dog. This creature has spent 4 years of its presumably short dog life with a certain routine. It's irresponsible of both him and you to suddenly change that without any real discipline or making a concerted effort to re-establish those boundaries. Great Danes are usually very gentle and can be even skittish and shy. Regardless you're entering their routine as a newcomer and are that low on the totem pole when it comes to dog hierarchy. I'd suggest working with the dog as a couple. You can also look into buying a king size or super king and make sure the dog understands any new house rules and stick to these new rules (do NOT go back and forth).

        Comment


        • #5
          I totally understand about the whole routine thing, and I'm all for working on it slowly. But he'd rather not change anything.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Ayla View Post
            Obviously you're not compatible. He'd rather share his bed with the dog than with you.

            Move back out to where you came from.
            Agreed ^ And yes, you shouldn't have moved in with him so quickly.



            Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
            This creature has spent 4 years of its presumably short dog life with a certain routine. It's irresponsible of both him and you to suddenly change that...
            Well I take your point, but we're hardly expecting someone to sleep on the futon in favour of the bloody dog are we? Ridiculous.
            Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by whatshappeningreg View Post

              Well I take your point, but we're hardly expecting someone to sleep on the futon in favour of the bloody dog are we? Ridiculous.
              Did you read the rest of my post or did you just read the first line?

              Comment


              • #8
                I think Rose has a great idea. Try to work together to find a solution that works for everyone. My boyfriend insists his cat sleeps on his bed by our feet, which is fine, but I have a habit of kicking the poor guy off in the middle of the night. We compromise by having my boyfriend share his side of the bed with the cat and forfeiting his own legroom to keep his cat comfortable. The cat also spends some nights sleeping comfortably in a large cat tree we put near the bed. So he's in the same room, can see his favorite person in the world, and doesn't have to get pushed off the bed in the middle of the night. This seems to keep everyone happy.

                One thing I would definitely try is to buy a large dog bed and put it close to your bed so the dog can sleep very close to your boyfriend while still allowing you to both have space.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Thanks for the responses, leaves me with some decisions to make.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post

                    Did you read the rest of my post or did you just read the first line?
                    Yes. You were suggesting getting a bigger bed, despite OP not wanting to share with the dog.
                    Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by whatshappeningreg View Post

                      Yes. You were suggesting getting a bigger bed, despite OP not wanting to share with the dog.
                      I think dogs shouldn't be in the bed, period. It's bad for the relationship between human and dog, because it gives the dog the feeling that their human is not their 'alpha', but their mate.
                      It leads to jealousy and destructive behavior from the dog when the owner pays attention to someone else.

                      The dog needs to learn her place, which is on a comfortable dogbed, near her owner(s).
                      You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        mlynn89 The dog will do as he pleases because he was there first. It's your boyfriend who needs to change and remain firm regarding a new set of rules here. You're upstaged by the dog. Either man's best friend goes or you go.
                        "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by whatshappeningreg View Post

                          Yes. You were suggesting getting a bigger bed, despite OP not wanting to share with the dog.
                          Reiterating again what I wrote earlier: She made a decision really to be with this man so if she can't accept the relationship he has with this dog or the fact that he won't budge, she needs to make a decision whether this is the right man in the first place or whether she wants to live with the current terms. The problem is almost always the humans involved, NOT the dog. If this couple wants to make it, settle it between themselves and create new rules.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by mlynn89 View Post
                            I'll try to keep this short. We've been together for 5 months. Until then it had been just him and his dog for the past four years. We moved in together a month ago and it's become obvious he's having a hard time not giving so much attention to his dog. She's a 120 lb Great Dane who doesn't like to see anyone or anything getting his attention instead of her. The biggest issue is the bed. Several nights I've been forced to the futon in the living room because she insists on sleeping on the bed (it's a queen size, so you can imagine how much room she takes up) and he doesn't put much effort into kicking her off. I've brought it up twice and he's good about keeping her off for one night, then it's right back to her being on the bed. I don't know what else to do. Ideas??
                            Since you said it's obvious he is having a hard time not giving as much attention to his dog, then clearly he has already compromised by splitting the attention somewhat. You just want that compromise to include bedtime.

                            What I would like to know is , before you moved in with him, what were the sleeping arrangements when you would stay over a night or two? Was the dog in the bed then? If yes, then that's what you signed up for. End of story.
                            You can't accept a behaviour and then change your mind later.
                            If no, then your bf should have discussed that his dog sleeps in his bed when you are not there but that he is only happy with that arrangement when it's temporary. Different story once you move in.

                            My dog sleeps in bed with me, although she's small and non shedding unlike a Great Dane.
                            When my partner stays over, she sleeps on the couch , complete with human blankets and pillows and her friends (over sized teddies) and since my partner leaves for work a few hrs earlier than me, he lets her into my bed in the morning. That's my compromise.

                            Why did you move in after 16 weeks?
                            I'm assuming out of convenience because it wasn't out of committment since you are still in the honeymoon period (and killing it quickly) . Obviously no practical discussions prior to moving in , which is essential.

                            Comment

                            Working...
                            X