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Does he love me, or being in a relationship?

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  • Does he love me, or being in a relationship?

    My boyfriend was previously married, and I canít let go of it. We donít fight often, but when she comes up, I start crying or acting out. It just makes me so sad that this man I love so passionately, that I talk to about forever and marriage, could have already promised to love another human forever. Also, she left him, and he was destroyed after. We didnít know each other then, so I know itís irrational to be upset. Heís my first true love, and that love for him is so pure, but it hurts that heís felt this way before, probably more-so. Heís told me she was just a high school love, that it is different with me, but I donít really believe that. It makes me insecure that sheís still out there, and that I donít really know how he feels for her today.

    A huge part of me feels completely confident that his marriage has helped form him into the man he is today, the man I love. But a small part of me feels that insecurity- what if she came back into the picture? Does he really want to commit to ME or does he just want commitment?

    any input on getting over a SOís past relationships would be great!!
    Last edited by manonymousm; July 7th, 2018, 03:16 AM.

  • #2
    People change, and the way we love also changes with age and experience, so it's highly likely that he is being truthful, that his love for her was more juvenile than the way he loves you.

    Is it possible that he, one day, stops loving you? Yes, in the same way it's possible you will be the one that stops loving him, so my advice is not to worry about it and enjoy your time together.

    PS: I was never in that situation.


    • #3
      You are very insecure to the point that you should get yourself to a therapist to help you with your retroactive jealousy. Google "retroactive jealousy" and read about it. Maybe knowing what you're in will help you to get over it.

      If you don't get therapy then I do hope that your boyfriend leaves you because if you're going to act like an insecure, jealousy teenager then the man deserves better then what you give him.

      If you don't trust him then let him go so he can find someone who is more emotionally mature then you, Op.
      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


      • #4

        manonymousm Your boyfriend is trying to get a fresh start so allow him to do exactly that.

        If he didn't have children with his ex, it's highly unlikely that she'll come back into the picture so feel secure about that.

        If her name comes up, become unemotional and have a disconnect with this subject. This is how you become numb and get over it.

        Keep in mind, he's healing and he's the one who needs to feel secure because he was dumped by his ex. The more you cry and get upset, the more you will push him away in his heart and do you want that?

        Don't play with semantics. If he's willing to have commitment with you, yes, he's committed to you, too as the word "commitment" includes the the promise to each other and you in the picture along with it. Try not to over think and over analyze this to death. Accept the fact that he loves you and wishes to be with you. This is commitment and yes, he's committed to you, too which is the commitment word package!

        Don't be a drama queen. Guys hate that. Enjoy the relationship for what it is and focus on happiness for the two of you. Don't over complicate your relationship with your boyfriend like a soap opera because it is so unnecessary. Keep your relationship with him simple and joyous because in the big picture, it's all that matters.

        Forget about his ex. She is history. You're thee one for him and keep it this way by remaining simple and never complex. Be supportive, reasonable and concentrate on happiness instead of negativity.
        "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."


        • #5
          Is it real; does your guy love you? What is he feeling for you? Are his emotions as strong for you as yours are for him? Can you just ask him if he loves you? Keep reading to learn a little better way to figure it all out.
          Do you really think that you will feel satisfied if you just right out ask your man if he loves you? Won't you have that nagging feeling that if he says yes, it might be because he was pressured into it? Don't you agree that you would feel more confident if he offered this information up on his own? Perhaps you can find your answers in the unspoken word; pay attention to his actions.

          Your man supports you. A sign of true love is when a partner sticks by you when things are tough. It is easy to be there for another when everything is great and happy; but, if you can count on your man when a family member is ill or you have issues at work, that is his way of showing you that he does love you.

          Your man takes care of you. We've all has those days when illness takes over and you can't even manage to get out of bed. A man in love will be there with the chicken soup or the aspirin and he won't even care that he runs the chance of catching the bug from you.

          Your man says it. Saying "I love you" does not come easily for most men. If your guy tells you this without being prompted, believe him. It is coming from his heart.

          Your man shows it. People have vastly different ways of trying to be romantic for their partners. Whatever your man's way might be, the effort is there and you can believe that he is in love with you. If he brings you a sentimental card, fixes dinner for you one night, or likes to give you compliments, he is letting you know that he feels deeply for you.

          Your man has committed to you. If you have been together for a while, it is fair to expect that your relationship should be moving toward being exclusive. If your man wants to be with you and you alone, then his commitment is certain and he does love you.
          Look for these signs and you will have your answer.


          • #6
            I get you but you'll have to get over it honestly if you want to be with him. It matters whether you're seeing him through the divorce proceedings or whether he's already divorced, papers et al. I saw my husband through his divorce(prior marriage). I don't think it's fair to keep hurting yourself if you're not able to handle his past. In the end you are the person who matters most, you're the one hurting and your hurt could very well be hurting others. I'd recommend meditation, counselling and lots of self-love, self-awareness and reflection. In times of turmoil you need to know how to tap into your sense of peace. If you are looking to eventually marry one day, it won't always be a bed of roses. Don't look so closely in front of you that you miss the big picture.