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How to Mend/Put a Fight on Hold Before a Trip

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  • How to Mend/Put a Fight on Hold Before a Trip

    EDIT: Okay, short and sweet approach. My boyfriend and I are fighting and we leave for a trip today. How do you put that fight on hold so you can enjoy your vacation? Is there a way to? He's not talking to me at all right now, and frankly I don't really want to talk to him. I don't want us to spend the next few days giving each other the silent treatment, but we're going to be around other people and won't have time to work things out.
    Last edited by Witch; July 6th, 2018, 03:48 PM.

  • #2
    Some details of the fight would be helpful. The typical way to end a fight is for the person (sometimes both) who hurt the other to apologize and make amends. It's not unusual for both parties to make mistakes, step over lines, and cause pain to the other in the process of a fight. Therefore, you could own your stuff, apologize for it, and ask for forgiveness. That doesn't guarantee that he will do the same, but that doesn't negate the fact that you could and should do it. That might defuse the fight but leave you feeling like you've been wronged if he won't own his stuff.

    Anyway, details would help.

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    • #3
      We got into a fight because he was being really uncooperative about getting ready for the trip. Instead of focusing on being ready on time he was more worried about going to the gym and getting in his daily workout. We were kind of distant with each other for the duration of the trip, and even though we've been home a few days I don't feel like we're in a good place. All of a sudden I just don't feel like I want to be around him at all. I don't feel mad. just like I don't really care about spending time with him anymore. I've never felt this way before and have no idea what's causing it.

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      • #4
        Witch Just remain civil and peaceful during your trip. Once you come home, choose a quiet time without distractions to have a heart-to-heart discussion with your boyfriend at length. Make sure there is plenty of time for a conversation with him without rushing.
        "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Witch View Post
          We got into a fight because he was being really uncooperative about getting ready for the trip. Instead of focusing on being ready on time he was more worried about going to the gym and getting in his daily workout. We were kind of distant with each other for the duration of the trip, and even though we've been home a few days I don't feel like we're in a good place. All of a sudden I just don't feel like I want to be around him at all. I don't feel mad. just like I don't really care about spending time with him anymore. I've never felt this way before and have no idea what's causing it.
          So your'e already home from the trip? How did it go with your friends? The way you are talking it seems like the bloom has come off the rose for you!

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          • #6
            Don't make a mountain of a molehill. I think you're overanalyzing a speck of a "problem" and being overdramatic. For goodness sake, of course you're going to irritate each other every now and then. Life isn't always a bed of roses. Grow a thicker skin and stop the nonsense. I get it that the trip is probably over and this is just for future reference. If you want to drop the issue, simply DROP IT. Have a great time, learn to forgive and don't hold grudges. He obviously cares about his health and exercise is important to him. You may be stressing about way too many details about this trip the same way you're overanalyzing your situation and quite frankly you may be just as irritating and over the top being around. Let it go and live.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Monmouth View Post
              The way you are talking it seems like the bloom has come off the rose for you!
              I think it really has. Today the thought of him literally turns my stomach. I don't really know what happened, it's just like I'm seeing him clearly for the first time. Usually we argue and just move on, or brush it aside and realize it was stupid later and we fought because we were stressed. Since Friday? He's done nothing but piss me off and annoy me. We went out to dinner last night and he paid (I paid for ALL of his food on the trip, plus his half of gas and tolls), and as we were leaving the restaurant I asked him what he tipped and he said he didn't tip at all because he doesn't tip when he pays with card. For me, that's the biggest scumbag move EVER. I'd given him ten dollars cash for my half of the meal, but I took it back and went inside to leave our waiter the best fucking tip ever since my shitty boyfriend isn't even human.

              Rose Mosse Maybe you're totally right and I'm completely overreacting, but it's hard to not feel or to dampen down what I am feeling. I'm usually a really reasonable and easy going person, but everything he does lately just rankles. I let the fight go and I think we ended up having a lot of fun on the trip. I don't feel mad about the trip anymore, just mad about a whole bunch of other shit. I've also been pretty sick this past week and can't see the doctor until Monday. Maybe my judgement is clouded and I'm just a crazy raging bitch because of it.

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              • #8
                Witch, your posts have indicated more than once that you were having second thoughs about this relationship.
                I think you weren't fully ready to give up on it yet in the past, but you're at that point now.

                Not every relationship is made to work out. Some are meant to teach us something about who we are and what we need from our SO.
                If your heart is no longer in it, don't drag it out. Give you both the opportunity to move on, sooner rather than later.

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                • #9
                  Ayla I do feel like I'm getting more and more comfortable with the idea of breaking up with him. I texted him last night to tell him we should talk after work, but he's been giving me the cold shoulder all day and hasn't responded. I think I'm going to tell him I want to take a break for a week or two to rethink things. I don't know if that's cowardly or not, but I'm a little scared of making rash decisions because my emotions are running so high.

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                  • #10
                    What's his cultural background? Is he Caucasian? Half the world doesn't "tip". It doesn't happen in Asia for ie. I'm a moderate tipper and my tips are directly related to service. My husband is a religious and extremely generous tipper but also in relation to service and type of venue. I had exes who were downright mathematically wayward in tipping as in indiscriminate and quite stupid with their money, period.

                    I don't think you should have to be around someone who ignores you and I also don't think he deserves to be around someone who dislikes him so much. You remind me how I was with my ex and that is a crappy place to be. Sometimes happiness is really something that you carve out and maybe it's time to find some happiness for yourself.

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                    • #11
                      Rose Mosse He's Caucasian, and comes from a family that's very well off even though he swears he has no money at all. To put it into perspective, his parents helped both him and his brother purchase houses within a year apart and are pretty much paying them off for their sons. He doesn't think anything is worth the money, and I don't think in the nearly three years we have been together that he's taken me out to dinner and paid. However, he will drop massive amounts of money on things for his computer room without a second thought. He's bought monitors, a tower, a desk, and a chair totaling at least six grand since I've known him but he can't leave a four dollar tip for our waiter.

                      I tried to get him to talk to me after work, but he won't respond to my messages. I ended up just texting him that I think we should take a break. His response: "you can get your stuff whenever you want."

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                      • #12
                        Wow. I'm sorry to hear this. That is terrible to have to go through. ..........Maybe your gut instincts have been right all along and that sense that you can't be comfortable around him is really your sixth sense or common sense trying to tell you something. I'm a firm believer in listening to that little voice. You have to fight for your happiness and your peace, everything that you believe in should be or ought to be. If you don't, no one will. I'm rooting for you.

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                        • #13
                          Rose Mosse Thank you. This sucks, and I don't know what terrifies me more. Him changing his mind in a few hours and trying to work things out, or this just being the end for us.

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                          • #14
                            I can only say you're in good company because most of us have gone through a break up and I definitely feel for you. Post away! Vent and let us know how it goes. I hope you are eating and drinking proper/healthy snacks and food.

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                            • #15
                              Thanks! He texted me a little bit last night about the thing we fought about most recently. I haven't been over to get my stuff yet, but he asked if I could meet him at the place we first met at 4 today to talk things over. Even though logically I know breaking up might be better in the long run, I feel an awful sense of dread about it. In some ways I feel like it's already over, but there's a part of me that still really hopes it isn't.

                              I've been feeling really weird for about a week now, and I'm not sure if maybe I'm sliding into some sort of depression. I just can't figure out if it's my relationship weighing me down, or if I'm just generally unhappy with my life right now.
                              Last edited by Witch; July 11th, 2018, 11:14 AM.

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