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  • lies ?

    So when my boyfriend cheated on me he said he had been extremely drunk in the club and kissed some girl but then apparently backed off and told her he has a girlfriend and he felt really guilty about it for days and eventually told me. i forgave him blah blah. but.. he had bruises on his arm looked like 2 finger marks where someone had grabbed him and he had a bruise on his back?? could this have been a love bite. i hate asking about this. it has bothered me since december 2017. and his friend cheated on his gf on the weekend and had love bites on his neck and my boyfriend said that his gf is gullible and will believe that its from a fight?? does he think im gullible ?? did i miss something ?? was it more than just a kiss ?? im going crazy here. i think im losing my mind but hes going to shout at me and end the relationship if i ask. im so scared but i want to know was it just a kiss or more" :'( i think about this every day for the past 6 months. i want the truth. he has told me i have major trust issues which i dont believe he would cheat again and i dont think he would have sex with someone but did it happen ?? i feel like hes hiding something from me?? what were the bruises?? he thinks its acceptable to cheat because ALL of his friends do im guessing.

  • #2
    If he's so unstable, that he's capable of ending a relationship because of one question, then he's the one with problems. It's simply wrong when someone holds you in fear. It's normal to confront people. A proverb goes: Show me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are. I'm not saying he cheated but as you probably already realized friends have major influence on us. Just the fact that your boyfriend supports this kind of behaviour in his friend is disturbing.
    "I find this a fascinating phenomenon: the ability we have to manipulate ourselves so that the foundation of our beliefs is never shaken." Muriel Barbery

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    • #3
      Laychee i dont think its true that you are like your friends. my best friend is my soul mate, i love her with all my heart but were not the same type of peoople. she does drugs, partiest 2/3 times a week, sleeps about, sleeps with someone knowing ful well ey have a girlfriend. i am not like that at all. i want a quiiet simple life, i am a hopeless romantic, i love going out but occasionally i couldn't go every weekend.

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      • #4
        Anguish and insecurity can manifest itself through different behaviors. Friends may behave differently, while a similar emotive state drives those behaviors.
        "I find this a fascinating phenomenon: the ability we have to manipulate ourselves so that the foundation of our beliefs is never shaken." Muriel Barbery

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        • #5
          Laychee you might be right. could i ask you a question ? would you be okk wiht it if your boyfriend had girl friends hed slept with in the past ? or even friends hed shared beds with but apparently nothing had happpened between them ever ? or friends who he has told he has fancied on a night out ?

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          • #6
            Nope, I wouldn't be okay with any of that.
            "I find this a fascinating phenomenon: the ability we have to manipulate ourselves so that the foundation of our beliefs is never shaken." Muriel Barbery

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            • #7
              Originally posted by varns123 View Post
              So when my boyfriend cheated on me he said he had been extremely drunk in the club and kissed some girl but then apparently backed off and told her he has a girlfriend and he felt really guilty about it for days and eventually told me. i forgave him blah blah. but.. he had bruises on his arm looked like 2 finger marks where someone had grabbed him and he had a bruise on his back?? could this have been a love bite. i hate asking about this. it has bothered me since december 2017. and his friend cheated on his gf on the weekend and had love bites on his neck and my boyfriend said that his gf is gullible and will believe that its from a fight?? does he think im gullible ?? did i miss something ?? was it more than just a kiss ?? im going crazy here. i think im losing my mind but hes going to shout at me and end the relationship if i ask. im so scared but i want to know was it just a kiss or more" :'( i think about this every day for the past 6 months. i want the truth. he has told me i have major trust issues which i dont believe he would cheat again and i dont think he would have sex with someone but did it happen ?? i feel like hes hiding something from me?? what were the bruises?? he thinks its acceptable to cheat because ALL of his friends do im guessing.
              I don't think he told you out of guilt. I think he told you before someone else did only.
              As for the bruises, i doubt the one on his back was a love bite. It's kind of hard to do that !
              When a partner finds out they have been cheated on they have two choices. Leave or stay. But you can only stay if you are willing to forgive and forget and place your trust back in them (usually only with a sincere apology and reasonable explanation which suggests it won't happen again and has to be somewhat believable) You have stayed but failed to place trust again. And so, the relationship is doomed to fail.

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