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  • Break up a family? Selfish?

    I知 32, been with my spouse for 14 years. We have 6 kids. I知 at a point in my life where I知 realizing I spent my 20痴 and now 30s raising kids (who I have zero regret by the way) I literally have zero friends left with the exception of a friend from high school who I talk to occasionally but he has no kids so it痴 hard to relate. Anyways my spouse spends 6-7 nights a week at either bingo or vlts spending thousands a month. I work usually all day ( I have a small construction company) and if I知 not working I知 at home with the kids. I知 up every morning getting them ready and off to school and at home every night doing the bedtime routine. And supppwr usually falls on me as well. I have expressed I need a break and would like to go out with my friend. But 的知 not allowed and it痴 a control thing plus I feel she doesn稚 want to be at home with the kids. She has spent a year at home on maternity but I was limited on work hours to be home early enough and she did go out almost every night she痴 verbally abusive and demeaning. I致e become somewhat insecure and not a happy person. And I get shit on for being miserable and made to feel guilty. I知 not perfect but I don稚 know many men that do what I do. My family is always my top priority.

    Now the kink. That friend I mentioned I talk to him maybe once a month. And 3 times I致e contacted him he happened to be at the same playoff party as my high school summer fling which turned into a pretty deep relationship after a few summers. (A Neighborhood gitlrl) we Both thought as well as our families thought that me and her would be married and stuff but I ended up meeting the women I知 with now and was too weak to get out when I knew I should have. Anyways so she was desperately wanting to talk to me and I talked to her a few times and it痴 been great. She wants to see me tomorrow but we can稚 be around each other without getting into trouble. Last time it happened was about 12 years ago and she told my spouse about it. We were young .. my current spouse always tells me she痴 with me just for the kids and tells me she doesn稚 love me on a regular basis. When we argue. We池e on the brink of splitting I think but it can still be a while still I don稚 know. She has mental issues like borderline personality disorder and severe depression so it痴 hard to know what痴 going on up there. She just got a great job and would be able to stand on her own but I知 not sure if I知 ok with splitting our family up over my own well being. I致e kinda come to terms that I壇 just sacrifice whatever life outside of home for them. I致e told my old g/f about it and she thinks I知 crazy. And I shouldn稚 think like that. I致e rambled on enough here any question let me know. Any advice I壇 appreciate
    Starts
    May 20th, 2018
    Ends
    May 21st, 2018

  • #2
    Originally posted by Carpenter-6 View Post
    I知 32, been with my spouse for 14 years. We have 6 kids. I知 at a point in my life where I知 realizing I spent my 20痴 and now 30s raising kids (who I have zero regret by the way) I literally have zero friends left with the exception of a friend from high school who I talk to occasionally but he has no kids so it痴 hard to relate. Anyways my spouse spends 6-7 nights a week at either bingo or vlts spending thousands a month. I work usually all day ( I have a small construction company) and if I知 not working I知 at home with the kids. I知 up every morning getting them ready and off to school and at home every night doing the bedtime routine. And supppwr usually falls on me as well. I have expressed I need a break and would like to go out with my friend. But 的知 not allowed and it痴 a control thing plus I feel she doesn稚 want to be at home with the kids. She has spent a year at home on maternity but I was limited on work hours to be home early enough and she did go out almost every night she痴 verbally abusive and demeaning. I致e become somewhat insecure and not a happy person. And I get shit on for being miserable and made to feel guilty. I知 not perfect but I don稚 know many men that do what I do. My family is always my top priority.

    Now the kink. That friend I mentioned I talk to him maybe once a month. And 3 times I致e contacted him he happened to be at the same playoff party as my high school summer fling which turned into a pretty deep relationship after a few summers. (A Neighborhood gitlrl) we Both thought as well as our families thought that me and her would be married and stuff but I ended up meeting the women I知 with now and was too weak to get out when I knew I should have. Anyways so she was desperately wanting to talk to me and I talked to her a few times and it痴 been great. She wants to see me tomorrow but we can稚 be around each other without getting into trouble. Last time it happened was about 12 years ago and she told my spouse about it. We were young .. my current spouse always tells me she痴 with me just for the kids and tells me she doesn稚 love me on a regular basis. When we argue. We池e on the brink of splitting I think but it can still be a while still I don稚 know. She has mental issues like borderline personality disorder and severe depression so it痴 hard to know what痴 going on up there. She just got a great job and would be able to stand on her own but I知 not sure if I知 ok with splitting our family up over my own well being. I致e kinda come to terms that I壇 just sacrifice whatever life outside of home for them. I致e told my old g/f about it and she thinks I知 crazy. And I shouldn稚 think like that. I致e rambled on enough here any question let me know. Any advice I壇 appreciate
    If it's financially feasible for both of you to divorce, then divorce because there's no sense remaining married if both of you are so unhappy together. In this case, since feelings are mutual towards each other, then go your separate ways as long as the children are well provided for. If the children are financially unstable should both of you split, then remain together until you both can afford to reside separately. You and your wife brought them into the world and they deserve at least that. Then proceed with your new relationship with your girlfriend. Do things in order.
    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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    • #3
      I suggest marriage counseling. Don't throw in the towel until you've been receiving marriage counseling for some time to see if the marriage can be saved. Do NOT meet up with this old fling

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Mary View Post
        I suggest marriage counseling. Don't throw in the towel until you've been receiving marriage counseling for some time to see if the marriage can be saved. Do NOT meet up with this old fling
        Ya i am going to cut ties with her. And just see if we can work in this. I know a large majority if the problen is that her mental health isnt under control. Well start there. I knew deep down i wouldnt go see her but just kinda wanted some idy to validate that. Appresiate the response

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by chanelle View Post

          If it's financially feasible for both of you to divorce, then divorce because there's no sense remaining married if both of you are so unhappy together. In this case, since feelings are mutual towards each other, then go your separate ways as long as the children are well provided for. If the children are financially unstable should both of you split, then remain together until you both can afford to reside separately. You and your wife brought them into the world and they deserve at least that. Then proceed with your new relationship with your girlfriend. Do things in order.
          Thanks for the respnse and yes time will tell and my kids have always come first. Ill be cutting ties with the old girlfriend so i have no distractions on what i really want.

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          • #6
            i think that since you are both unhappy, something has to be done. whether splitting or councelling like someone suggested. the lady you want to meet up with is probably something that promises the excitement that you so long for, but that could lead to more destruction in the long run. maybe it turns into an affair - that would be even more detrimental to your wife's mental health. if she really does not love you, then she should at least love you enough to want the father of her children to be happy. what about your mental state? how is ok for her to go out and have fun and you have none? you must be very lonely since you do not get to socialise much and that can lead to depression and all sorts. learn to also care for your feelings. it does not seem that she has much respect for you as well, i mean who tells someone "you are not allowed" to go somewhere? did you do something wrong in the past? just asking.

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