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Getting out of 4yr relationship.

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  • Getting out of 4yr relationship.

    Iím 20, my gf is 22, and weíve been in a 4 year relationship as of today and I want out but I donít know how to end it? Thereís only a few problems Iíve got but none such as cheating or disloyalty or anything

    Hereís the problems

    1. Sheís not sexually open enough and wonít open or budge at all.
    2. Shes been living 1.5 hours away for the past year, then next month will be moving to another city thatís 2.5 hours away.
    3. She doesnít drive so Iím always expected to go to her(even though I work 12 hours a day M-F and 7 on saturdays). So I usually only end up seeing her once a month or twice maybe.
    4. With me working. 6am-6 or 7pm and my gf working 12-9PM I usually want to sleep by 10 so we donít get much time to talk so sheís always complaining about me being sleepy and not putting in effort to talk.

    Iíve also started chilling and riding around with an old friend (from middle school) and we ďNetflix and chillĒ from time to time. We really vibe heavily. And it doesnít feel right knowing my gf is by my side. Sometimes when I get to go be with my gf, we donít really vibe it turns into sex and eating. Itís starting to get hard to find topics to talk about on the phone and thereís many times we will sit on FaceTime in silence while we both watch tv or do something else. Just feeling as if the vibe is being lost. But I feel as if itís wasted time if I just break up with her out of no where. What do I do ?

  • #2
    Originally posted by 2013Ninja650 View Post
    Iím 20, my gf is 22, and weíve been in a 4 year relationship as of today and I want out but I donít know how to end it? Thereís only a few problems Iíve got but none such as cheating or disloyalty or anything

    Hereís the problems

    1. Sheís not sexually open enough and wonít open or budge at all.
    2. Shes been living 1.5 hours away for the past year, then next month will be moving to another city thatís 2.5 hours away.
    3. She doesnít drive so Iím always expected to go to her(even though I work 12 hours a day M-F and 7 on saturdays). So I usually only end up seeing her once a month or twice maybe.
    4. With me working. 6am-6 or 7pm and my gf working 12-9PM I usually want to sleep by 10 so we donít get much time to talk so sheís always complaining about me being sleepy and not putting in effort to talk.

    Iíve also started chilling and riding around with an old friend (from middle school) and we ďNetflix and chillĒ from time to time. We really vibe heavily. And it doesnít feel right knowing my gf is by my side. Sometimes when I get to go be with my gf, we donít really vibe it turns into sex and eating. Itís starting to get hard to find topics to talk about on the phone and thereís many times we will sit on FaceTime in silence while we both watch tv or do something else. Just feeling as if the vibe is being lost. But I feel as if itís wasted time if I just break up with her out of no where. What do I do ?
    Firstly, who is this netflix and chill middle school friend? Is it another female? If it is, put that friendship on hold while you figure out your romance issues. You're trying to mix oil and water and getting confused why they don't mix in your glass. Tell your middle school friend that you have things to work out and you'll catch up later.

    You need to really come to terms about whether you see a future with your girlfriend. That's all it boils down to. Work through those issues:

    1) driving
    Why does she not learn how to drive? Is it a medical or political decision or is she behaving like a brat? I'm of the belief that if a relationship is long distance or requires that much coordination and work, two people both need to be committed to meeting in the middle or pulling their weight (now more than ever).

    2) long term plans
    Have the both of you talked about long term plans as in moving to one city and living together or relocating to one place? Having a light at the end of the tunnel can clarify a lot of things in a long(er) distance relationship.

    3) long term material or wife material
    Do you see her in your future at all or does she exhibit more traits that are unsavoury or unreliable? An unreliable person is not long term material. Face that and deal with your relationships accordingly.

    4) middle school friend
    Lastly figure out why on earth you are hanging out with this friend more than usual and is it a positive or negative influence. Some people come and go from our lives and are as impermanent as confetti on a sidewalk. Once you've worked through all the above, you need to figure out whether this friend is a good influence on you at all. A female friend who hangs out with you that much and knows you have a girlfriend is not trustworthy, in my books. She has very little self-restraint or self-respect if she's "vibing" with a taken man. You might ask yourself questions later.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by 2013Ninja650 View Post
      Iím 20, my gf is 22, and weíve been in a 4 year relationship as of today and I want out but I donít know how to end it? Thereís only a few problems Iíve got but none such as cheating or disloyalty or anything

      Hereís the problems

      1. Sheís not sexually open enough and wonít open or budge at all.
      2. Shes been living 1.5 hours away for the past year, then next month will be moving to another city thatís 2.5 hours away.
      3. She doesnít drive so Iím always expected to go to her(even though I work 12 hours a day M-F and 7 on saturdays). So I usually only end up seeing her once a month or twice maybe.
      4. With me working. 6am-6 or 7pm and my gf working 12-9PM I usually want to sleep by 10 so we donít get much time to talk so sheís always complaining about me being sleepy and not putting in effort to talk.

      Iíve also started chilling and riding around with an old friend (from middle school) and we ďNetflix and chillĒ from time to time. We really vibe heavily. And it doesnít feel right knowing my gf is by my side. Sometimes when I get to go be with my gf, we donít really vibe it turns into sex and eating. Itís starting to get hard to find topics to talk about on the phone and thereís many times we will sit on FaceTime in silence while we both watch tv or do something else. Just feeling as if the vibe is being lost. But I feel as if itís wasted time if I just break up with her out of no where. What do I do ?
      Be completely honest and 100% truthful with her. Tell her everything you wrote over here. Be prepared for her backlash though. Despite that, at least you'll let her know exactly how you feel and why it's time to dissolve your relationship with her.
      "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

      Comment

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