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I need some advice please

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  • I need some advice please

    Hello everyone, any advice on the following scenario will be greatly appreciated

    I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 8 months but things have been difficult for a while now. She has a thyroid disease (hashimotos) which plays havoc with her mood and energy levels at times. She has to live a very rigid lifestyle to keep on top of things and manage it as best as she can. I believe she also has abandonment issues as her biological dad left her when she was young. She has also been cheated on by a previous boyfriend. Maybe more than one. Has anyone ever had any experience with any of these issues in a relationship? Do things get better?

    I am aware I cannot "fix" her issues. She probably hasn't addressed them all entirely and is projecting them onto me. We have fallen out a lot as a result to the point I feel anxious when I go to see her and she then feels horrible that I feel tight chested. This means neither one of us can relax or be ourselves together as we are worried about triggering a negative response from the other. I am 31, she is 36 so I wonder if maybe this is just who she is?

    We almost broke up recently but decided to cool off period. I feel confused as I care about her and have feelings for her as she does for me but we seem to have a lot of issues and fallings out considering it has only been 7-8 months.

    any one have any experience with this sort of thing?

  • #2
    What exactly are you falling out about? Does she believe you don't love her? Does she think you're cheating on her?

    Is she getting proper treatment for her thyroid condition?
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      Dating is to discover if who you are attracted to is going to make a good LIFE time partner for you. You've found out in a few short months that you two are not meant to last a lifetime. Why prolong the inevitable? Just break up with her and find someone that doesn't make you anxiety ridden.

      She has issues that you can't deal with so there is absolutely nothing wrong with you ending this. She's not going to make a good partner to anyone as long as she doesn't get help for those issues.
      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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      • #4
        Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post
        What exactly are you falling out about? Does she believe you don't love her? Does she think you're cheating on her?

        Is she getting proper treatment for her thyroid condition?

        It is many things. If someone likes a photo of mine on social media she has reacted badly to it and freaked out as she thought I was up to no good. If I don't touch her or hold her hand as much as a previous time she will worry and question me (this happened recently, flew home from holiday,I was watching movies so I was in my own little world whilst she was analysing my body language and lack of attention and affection I was apparently showing. She went to have a cry in the airplane toilet which i didn't know at the time). She can be really irrational too. She storms off in a huff over nothing. She is insecure about her looks as a result of her thyroid causing her face to have spots/blemishes. Obviously I try and reassure her but I think no words can change how she feels about herself.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
          Dating is to discover if who you are attracted to is going to make a good LIFE time partner for you. You've found out in a few short months that you two are not meant to last a lifetime. Why prolong the inevitable? Just break up with her and find someone that doesn't make you anxiety ridden.

          She has issues that you can't deal with so there is absolutely nothing wrong with you ending this. She's not going to make a good partner to anyone as long as she doesn't get help for those issues.
          Thank you for your response. That is a really simple way to view it that I hadn't thought about.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by LouBo View Post


            It is many things. If someone likes a photo of mine on social media she has reacted badly to it and freaked out as she thought I was up to no good. If I don't touch her or hold her hand as much as a previous time she will worry and question me (this happened recently, flew home from holiday,I was watching movies so I was in my own little world whilst she was analysing my body language and lack of attention and affection I was apparently showing. She went to have a cry in the airplane toilet which i didn't know at the time). She can be really irrational too. She storms off in a huff over nothing. She is insecure about her looks as a result of her thyroid causing her face to have spots/blemishes. Obviously I try and reassure her but I think no words can change how she feels about herself.
            She needs medication for Hashimotos or see an endocrinologist. She may need to undergo ongoing (monthly) tests to monitor her hormones. My father had thyroid disease and was on medications his entire life. I had a brief (one year) issue with my thyroid after giving birth and was being closely monitored also. With dietary restrictions, my thyroid levels returned to normal in one year. The same thing happened to my mother after she had her children but returned to normal. My father's condition was very different. Please encourage her to get the medical help she needs.

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            • #7
              I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 8 months but things have been difficult for a while now. She has a thyroid disease (hashimotos) which plays havoc with her mood and energy levels at times. She has to live a very rigid lifestyle to keep on top of things and manage it as best as she can.
              Since she has a diagnosis and has to live a very rigid lifestyle to keep on top of things, I'd say she's already on medication and seeing her doctor.

              Correct me if I'm wrong there, Loubo.
              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post

                She needs medication for Hashimotos or see an endocrinologist. She may need to undergo ongoing (monthly) tests to monitor her hormones. My father had thyroid disease and was on medications his entire life. I had a brief (one year) issue with my thyroid after giving birth and was being closely monitored also. With dietary restrictions, my thyroid levels returned to normal in one year. The same thing happened to my mother after she had her children but returned to normal. My father's condition was very different. Please encourage her to get the medical help she needs.
                yes,she has had hashimoto for years and speaks to many professionals, takes drugs, eats and drinks right so she is addressing it, it is the psychological stuff I feel she needs to address or talk about further. Unfortunately her thyroid issues will never go away, they can only be managed as far as I am aware.

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