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Broken trust how to get it back

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  • Broken trust how to get it back

    Alright so let me start from the beginning. I'm engaged or at least I think I am. About a month or two ago one of my fiances friends requested to follow me on Instagram. I denied her because I don't know her and I don't accept those I don't know. I was a little annoyed because in order for her to find my profile she had to have been stalking my fiances. Anyways after I denied her she requested me like 2 weeks later so I finally accepted because clearly she wanted to be nosy. So 4 days ago (this was a Thursday) she commented on one of my friends pictures (apparently we have a lot of mutual friends) saying "I can't believe how much our daughters look alike" so I clicked on it not knowing who it was because all it showed was the username. So once I got on her page I requested to follow her. She must have deleted me because about 2 hours later she requested to follow me. So now we're on Friday morning and I guess she sent a screenshot to my fiance of me requesting to follow her so he asked me about it. I told him how she had to have deleted me and everything and then he was like oh okay. So then I'm guessing she told him I requested her first but since she deleted me it looks like I did, then he got mad because he thought I was lying but I wasn't so then we were fine. Now I know for sure she likes him because she wouldn't be starting all this for no reason. Later that afternoon she messaged me on Instagram saying "do you know that me and him message a lot because I know I'd be upset if I were you." So I asked him about it and he said that they don't she just sends him pictures of her kids and I was like wtf why then he kinda just said idk. I then blocked her. So after that I DEFINITELY DEFINITELY knew she liked him. So next day passes (now Saturday) and we were at a family gathering. Here's where it got ugly, Sunday morning. I was still annoyed about the whole situation because I've never spoken to her a day in my life and for her to just say that was really odd. I know he wouldn't cheat on me because he's been cheated on so many times and he would just tell me to leave if anything. So Sunday morning he left his phone by me while he went to the bathroom and me being a girl, yes I looked through it. Only to see if she texted him which she did. Her text said "and now im blocked lmao" and that just makes my blood boil. So anyways he caught me and got super mad because I broke his trust. He took my ring off and threw it (I picked it up and put it back on obviously) he told me to get all my sh** and leave or he was gonna leave. So at this point I'm on the phone with his mom hysterical because he won't even listen to me. I know it was wrong but I just had to reassure myself. So I left for the day to my grandmas. Came back home and he wasn't acknowledging me at all but he didn't tell me to leave. We slept in the same bed but just on opposite sides. This morning (Monday) he asks "why do you still have the ring on?" and I said "because we're not done" and he said "says who?" and I said "me, I'm not gonna let one little mistake ruin this." then he said "there's no more trust. You don't trust me and I don't trust you." and i said "why?" and he said "because I can't even leave my stuff around without you going through it." so then he kept on saying "I don't know what to tell you." then I said "I do trust you, it was just that one moment. If I didn't trust you I would constantly go through your stuff, follow you when you go out of town and stuff." then he didn't say anything so I kept on apologizing and he kept on saying he doesnt know what to tell me and that I broke his trust. So then i said "So what we're just done because of this? We're not gonna be able to get passed this?" He then said "no" KISSED ME AND SAID I LOVE YOU. Then he left for work. So I was so confused. On my way to school (Senior in college) he texted me saying he loves me. We've been texting all day but he has been short and I know we're still not okay but I just need advice on how to fix this because he's my whole world. I finally ate after 40 hours and last time I cried was 6 hours ago so I'm making progress. I already know I was in the wrong so please no negative remarks, thanks yall. Oh and this is really the first fight we have ever been in. We normally have a smooth relationship with no arguments.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Sheila102694 View Post
    Alright so let me start from the beginning. I'm engaged or at least I think I am. About a month or two ago one of my fiances friends requested to follow me on Instagram. I denied her because I don't know her and I don't accept those I don't know. I was a little annoyed because in order for her to find my profile she had to have been stalking my fiances. Anyways after I denied her she requested me like 2 weeks later so I finally accepted because clearly she wanted to be nosy. So 4 days ago (this was a Thursday) she commented on one of my friends pictures (apparently we have a lot of mutual friends) saying "I can't believe how much our daughters look alike" so I clicked on it not knowing who it was because all it showed was the username. So once I got on her page I requested to follow her. She must have deleted me because about 2 hours later she requested to follow me. So now we're on Friday morning and I guess she sent a screenshot to my fiance of me requesting to follow her so he asked me about it. I told him how she had to have deleted me and everything and then he was like oh okay. So then I'm guessing she told him I requested her first but since she deleted me it looks like I did, then he got mad because he thought I was lying but I wasn't so then we were fine. Now I know for sure she likes him because she wouldn't be starting all this for no reason. Later that afternoon she messaged me on Instagram saying "do you know that me and him message a lot because I know I'd be upset if I were you." So I asked him about it and he said that they don't she just sends him pictures of her kids and I was like wtf why then he kinda just said idk. I then blocked her. So after that I DEFINITELY DEFINITELY knew she liked him. So next day passes (now Saturday) and we were at a family gathering. Here's where it got ugly, Sunday morning. I was still annoyed about the whole situation because I've never spoken to her a day in my life and for her to just say that was really odd. I know he wouldn't cheat on me because he's been cheated on so many times and he would just tell me to leave if anything. So Sunday morning he left his phone by me while he went to the bathroom and me being a girl, yes I looked through it. Only to see if she texted him which she did. Her text said "and now im blocked lmao" and that just makes my blood boil. So anyways he caught me and got super mad because I broke his trust. He took my ring off and threw it (I picked it up and put it back on obviously) he told me to get all my sh** and leave or he was gonna leave. So at this point I'm on the phone with his mom hysterical because he won't even listen to me. I know it was wrong but I just had to reassure myself. So I left for the day to my grandmas. Came back home and he wasn't acknowledging me at all but he didn't tell me to leave. We slept in the same bed but just on opposite sides. This morning (Monday) he asks "why do you still have the ring on?" and I said "because we're not done" and he said "says who?" and I said "me, I'm not gonna let one little mistake ruin this." then he said "there's no more trust. You don't trust me and I don't trust you." and i said "why?" and he said "because I can't even leave my stuff around without you going through it." so then he kept on saying "I don't know what to tell you." then I said "I do trust you, it was just that one moment. If I didn't trust you I would constantly go through your stuff, follow you when you go out of town and stuff." then he didn't say anything so I kept on apologizing and he kept on saying he doesnt know what to tell me and that I broke his trust. So then i said "So what we're just done because of this? We're not gonna be able to get passed this?" He then said "no" KISSED ME AND SAID I LOVE YOU. Then he left for work. So I was so confused. On my way to school (Senior in college) he texted me saying he loves me. We've been texting all day but he has been short and I know we're still not okay but I just need advice on how to fix this because he's my whole world. I finally ate after 40 hours and last time I cried was 6 hours ago so I'm making progress. I already know I was in the wrong so please no negative remarks, thanks yall. Oh and this is really the first fight we have ever been in. We normally have a smooth relationship with no arguments.
    I'm not sure you're in the wrong for anything. I think you should work on your self-confidence. This man has broken you. I only see a broken woman who hasn't been treated right for so long that you've lost your ability to think straight. He's not only confiding and engaging in mocking conversation with a third party (female), he's also violent to boot taking your ring off and throwing it. Not even animals in the wild behave that way. This person is worse than an animal: thoughtless, condescending and manipulative. You should never stoop so low believing that you deserve someone like that.

    So what if you looked in his phone. Big whoop. Unless he's got something to hide, it's going to react the way he does. There are bigger things in life than this and I hope that you come to your senses and rediscover that life doesn't have to be lived this way.

    Comment


    • #3
      I mostly agree with Rose. However: I don't think it's appropriate to be looking at someone's personal stuff without their permission. You should have asked him to look and if he said "no" then you would know he had something to hide.

      He gaslighted you to the nth degree by turning this around on you and making you believe that you're a shitty, untrustworthy person. In fact, he succeeded so well, you've come here to get advice on how to make him not be mad at you to the point that you've forgotten all the shady things he's been carrying on with this opposite sex friend.

      He's acting shady and manipulative and he's got you convinced that you're not to be trusted?.. pffft, please.

      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Sheila102694 View Post
        Alright so let me start from the beginning. I'm engaged or at least I think I am. About a month or two ago one of my fiances friends requested to follow me on Instagram. I denied her because I don't know her and I don't accept those I don't know. I was a little annoyed because in order for her to find my profile she had to have been stalking my fiances. Anyways after I denied her she requested me like 2 weeks later so I finally accepted because clearly she wanted to be nosy. So 4 days ago (this was a Thursday) she commented on one of my friends pictures (apparently we have a lot of mutual friends) saying "I can't believe how much our daughters look alike" so I clicked on it not knowing who it was because all it showed was the username. So once I got on her page I requested to follow her. She must have deleted me because about 2 hours later she requested to follow me. So now we're on Friday morning and I guess she sent a screenshot to my fiance of me requesting to follow her so he asked me about it. I told him how she had to have deleted me and everything and then he was like oh okay. So then I'm guessing she told him I requested her first but since she deleted me it looks like I did, then he got mad because he thought I was lying but I wasn't so then we were fine. Now I know for sure she likes him because she wouldn't be starting all this for no reason. Later that afternoon she messaged me on Instagram saying "do you know that me and him message a lot because I know I'd be upset if I were you." So I asked him about it and he said that they don't she just sends him pictures of her kids and I was like wtf why then he kinda just said idk. I then blocked her. So after that I DEFINITELY DEFINITELY knew she liked him. So next day passes (now Saturday) and we were at a family gathering. Here's where it got ugly, Sunday morning. I was still annoyed about the whole situation because I've never spoken to her a day in my life and for her to just say that was really odd. I know he wouldn't cheat on me because he's been cheated on so many times and he would just tell me to leave if anything. So Sunday morning he left his phone by me while he went to the bathroom and me being a girl, yes I looked through it. Only to see if she texted him which she did. Her text said "and now im blocked lmao" and that just makes my blood boil. So anyways he caught me and got super mad because I broke his trust. He took my ring off and threw it (I picked it up and put it back on obviously) he told me to get all my sh** and leave or he was gonna leave. So at this point I'm on the phone with his mom hysterical because he won't even listen to me. I know it was wrong but I just had to reassure myself. So I left for the day to my grandmas. Came back home and he wasn't acknowledging me at all but he didn't tell me to leave. We slept in the same bed but just on opposite sides. This morning (Monday) he asks "why do you still have the ring on?" and I said "because we're not done" and he said "says who?" and I said "me, I'm not gonna let one little mistake ruin this." then he said "there's no more trust. You don't trust me and I don't trust you." and i said "why?" and he said "because I can't even leave my stuff around without you going through it." so then he kept on saying "I don't know what to tell you." then I said "I do trust you, it was just that one moment. If I didn't trust you I would constantly go through your stuff, follow you when you go out of town and stuff." then he didn't say anything so I kept on apologizing and he kept on saying he doesnt know what to tell me and that I broke his trust. So then i said "So what we're just done because of this? We're not gonna be able to get passed this?" He then said "no" KISSED ME AND SAID I LOVE YOU. Then he left for work. So I was so confused. On my way to school (Senior in college) he texted me saying he loves me. We've been texting all day but he has been short and I know we're still not okay but I just need advice on how to fix this because he's my whole world. I finally ate after 40 hours and last time I cried was 6 hours ago so I'm making progress. I already know I was in the wrong so please no negative remarks, thanks yall. Oh and this is really the first fight we have ever been in. We normally have a smooth relationship with no arguments.
        And you're still thinking about marrying him? I'd cancel the engagement. I agree with phasesofthemoon, he's gaslighting, deflecting and causing you to stomp out a lot of fires in the conversation and forcing you to talk in circles. He's deceitful. If he had nothing to hide, he would've been trustful in the first place. How about that? He'll give you hell if you marry him. I would seriously reconsider before walking down the aisle with him. He's too volatile and shady. Dishonest is the word.
        "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

        Comment


        • #5
          I agree with Phases. He just manipulated you into giving him and his shady friend a pass on whatever crap they pull by throwing a tantrum. Are you sure he didnít leave the phone out on purpose?

          I would give him the ring back and move out

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Pollon View Post
            I agree with Phases. He just manipulated you into giving him and his shady friend a pass on whatever crap they pull by throwing a tantrum. Are you sure he didnít leave the phone out on purpose?

            I would give him the ring back and move out
            Hi Pollon... *wavezzz* Long time no see.
            "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
              ....Hi Pollon... *wavezzz* Long time no see.....
              Thanks. Been crazy busy with no time to pitch in around here. Occasionally lurking, but it seems you've all got things handled...


              Comment


              • #8
                the guy is immature!if he really care about you why then worry or bring issue where there is none.hes cheating on you girl,stop trusting him i know there are so many dude you meet everyday get yourself one and forget about this dude,his plan is to get back to you and hurt you,how on earth can someone get mad over a phone ,he is very insecure
                Last edited by Judmo; May 16th, 2018, 05:30 AM.

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