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Should I stay? Or Go?

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  • Should I stay? Or Go?

    Hey everyone! Iím a little torn in between staying with my fiancť and leaving. We have 2 kids together with one on the way. Some days I feel happy but majority of the time Iím not & just ready to leave and be on my own. We both still live with our parents thatís one thing that bugs me. We have been together for 4 long crazy years. Iím just a little on the anti social side and I just feel like he doesnít understand me. He shows a lot of love to his actually family and us I just feel like he puts up with us heís rude to our kids and in front of people just makes me feel like crap. He doesnít do it intentionally but thatís just him. Heíll laugh and patronize me in front of people making me feel like shit. I do believe I suffer from a small case of depression & I've explained this to him but he just blows if off like I need to get out more. We are always with his side of the family and once it time for my family gathering he has an attitude and the question ďhow long are we going to stayĒ is asked. Every time I say something out loud thereís a problem.
    I love him donít get me wrong but Iím having a hard time staying in love with him simply because thereís not much to love anymore.

    maybe itís me, maybe I donít need to be in a relationship until I get myself straight, but I always thought ití was your mans job to be there for you, lift you up! Be a team and make me feel like the most beautiful girl on earth! Maybe just a fantasy. Because all I ever hear is ďyouíre wrong and everyone else is rightĒ

  • #2
    I'm sorry you're feeling unloved and under appreciated. Can I ask a serious question and I don't have any malice in asking it... but if you are so unhappy with this man, why have you had three children (two plus one on the way) in 4 short years? Did your discontent just start during this pregnancy?
    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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    • #3
      That question has gone through my mind numerous of times & I still canít find a solid answer. Maybe because I keep lying to myself thinking heíll change, like I did. It actually got worse after my 2nd child. I feel really low for even settling but itís too late to go back now, all I can do is move forward.

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      • #4
        Honestly if you aren't happy now it is best to get out before you find yourself even more invested. That sucks, and you are already extremely invested, but you clearly aren't happy or you wouldn't be thinking the way you are and asking for advice.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Sexymama123 View Post
          Hey everyone! Iím a little torn in between staying with my fiancť and leaving. We have 2 kids together with one on the way. Some days I feel happy but majority of the time Iím not & just ready to leave and be on my own. We both still live with our parents thatís one thing that bugs me. We have been together for 4 long crazy years. Iím just a little on the anti social side and I just feel like he doesnít understand me. He shows a lot of love to his actually family and us I just feel like he puts up with us heís rude to our kids and in front of people just makes me feel like crap. He doesnít do it intentionally but thatís just him. Heíll laugh and patronize me in front of people making me feel like shit. I do believe I suffer from a small case of depression & I've explained this to him but he just blows if off like I need to get out more. We are always with his side of the family and once it time for my family gathering he has an attitude and the question ďhow long are we going to stayĒ is asked. Every time I say something out loud thereís a problem.
          I love him donít get me wrong but Iím having a hard time staying in love with him simply because thereís not much to love anymore.

          maybe itís me, maybe I donít need to be in a relationship until I get myself straight, but I always thought ití was your mans job to be there for you, lift you up! Be a team and make me feel like the most beautiful girl on earth! Maybe just a fantasy. Because all I ever hear is ďyouíre wrong and everyone else is rightĒ
          My sister is in a similar situation such as yours. She tolerates the jerk and has 3 kids by him. I guess for her, it's a mental game. She ignores his comments even though she feels humiliated. I avoid my brother-in-law (BIL) from hell.

          You can't do anything right now because you're trapped but it's not all hopeless. Plan your exit strategy so you can become financially independent someday. It will be difficult with a newborn on the way but eventually plan to have a career and prepare for it. This way, you'll have more choices in life and you don't a man to depend and rely on anymore. Become a strong woman.

          Perhaps try professional couples counseling. Or, is it possible to have a heart-to-heart conversation with your husband? He sounds like he lacks empathy which is problematic in a lot of men (or women). I'm sorry. My sister tunes her husband out and goes about life anyway.. Not that I would tolerate what she does but she accepted her husband despite his incurable defects and goes about her life. She is busy with her own business though. Someday, have your own business to distract yourself. Your husband shouldn't be your sole focus especially since he doesn't treat you with respect. My sister does that, too. She stays busy so she doesn't have time to dwell on what comes out of her husband's mouth.
          "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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          • #6
            Originally posted by chanelle View Post

            My sister is in a similar situation such as yours. She tolerates the jerk and has 3 kids by him. I guess for her, it's a mental game. She ignores his comments even though she feels humiliated. I avoid my brother-in-law (BIL) from hell.

            You can't do anything right now because you're trapped but it's not all hopeless. Plan your exit strategy so you can become financially independent someday. It will be difficult with a newborn on the way but eventually plan to have a career and prepare for it. This way, you'll have more choices in life and you don't a man to depend and rely on anymore. Become a strong woman.

            Perhaps try professional couples counseling. Or, is it possible to have a heart-to-heart conversation with your husband? He sounds like he lacks empathy which is problematic in a lot of men (or women). I'm sorry. My sister tunes her husband out and goes about life anyway.. Not that I would tolerate what she does but she accepted her husband despite his incurable defects and goes about her life. She is busy with her own business though. Someday, have your own business to distract yourself. Your husband shouldn't be your sole focus especially since he doesn't treat you with respect. My sister does that, too. She stays busy so she doesn't have time to dwell on what comes out of her husband's mouth.



            Wow! Nice to know Iím not alone! It is definitely hard to tone it out or not think about it. Weíre always with each other when heís not working and the other days all I do is care for our children which leaves me over thinking and eventually crying about the horrible mistake I made in life. I just want him to love me as much as I love him well at least show it! Having heart to heart is like Iím a broken record because I repeat my self over and over and he never seems to understand how I feel or that he doesnít make me feel loved at all! He doesnít help with the kids much just provide financially and he sits and play the play station all day and it irks me. I do plan to go to school and start a career after I have my child but thatís not happening fast enough.

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            • #7
              It's not happening fast enough but just think and plan ahead as your child and children grow up. It's hard to do now but wait until they're a little older and easier to take care of. It's a mental game. Even though your husband is no good, you focus in your brain that this situation will not last permanently. You have plans to make your exit someday. Meanwhile, concentrate on raising your children even though you are miserable. Distract yourself from him. I'm sorry you're going through this. My mother eventually became a single parent. She had a hard life but at least her good-for-nothing-husband was out of her life. She had never remarried. She loves her independence. Be strong mentally and you will have your mission for your future. Be patient and be strong in your mind. I other words, be mentally TOUGH. Be smart for your future. You can't undo the past but you can have a positive vision for your future WITHOUT HIM.
              "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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              • #8
                Thanks so much for your words of encouragement! ☺️

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