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  • Was the outcome of this relationship my fault?

    Brace yourselves because this story is crazy.

    OK so 3 years ago I met a woman. I was 23, she was 25. We met at the same job we both worked at. She has a 5 yr old daughter. My situation at the time, I was staying at my aunties house getting back into school to become a welder and get my own place, since I lost my last apartment. Her situation was that she was staying with her sister trying to get back on her feet due to her getting out of jail behind some domestic deal with her ex boyfreind in her last relationship that happened a yr before we met. And to be honest, In my mind I was
    Still hurt behind my ex before I got with her.

    So when we met, we clinged together easily, and we ended up getting together. Things went Hella fast from that point. Keep in mind at this time, she was staying with her sister. When her sister found out that that we were dating, they both didn't get along with each other, in fact they hardly ever got along. Soo that there lead to my ex moving out and staying at a friend's house, and i stayed there with them as well. I helped her moved all her things out her sisters house into her Freinds house with my truck. She has no car, no drivers license, no HS diploma.

    So I was basically running her everywhere at this point. And it got worse when we saved up and got an apartment. At this point I was miserable. Having to wake up very early to take the child to school, daycare, and us to work was stressful, especially when we were still trying to get to know eachother. I been with women that had children and stuff, but they always taken care their own duties to where I didn't have to do anything but date them. Obviously this was not the case here. So out of stress and feeling like I got myself Into the wrong situation, I had to call it quits. So she ended up moving back to her moms house. But that only lasted for a week because we liked eachother so much. So she came back, but she decided to leave her child with her grandmother until she can get things sorted out to make it easier so she can take care of her duties with her child while I'm not around since I was going to school and work.

    At that point, things just went downhill. When she came back she was still very hurt and broken up that I had to break it off with her because I felt like I was getting myself into something I had no business into, no matter how I tried to convince her she didnt take it that way. I swear you guys, i didnt break it off with her because i didnt like her, its cuz i thought i was doing the wrong thing.

    So basically to keep the apartment, and my truck, I was working 2 jobs and continuing on with school using financial aid money. She on the other hand, didn't go back to her job because she was embarrassed of the short break up we had and just stayed home looking and applying for other jobs from her phone.

    On the flip side, this caused problems because she wasn't motivated to get her g.e.d, to get a car, etc...and in the back of my mind I was like she has a 5 yr old daughter that isnt with her at this point why on earth isn't she motivated to do this and that to better her situation? Because at some point in this relationship I started to feel used. So that caused fights, arguments, just a hot mess. She did end up going back to her job when she supposedly told me she couldn't find a different job. Everytime when she was broke, she would be acting all depressed But during the relationship, I fell deep in love with her. But keep in mind she was on some insanity stuff meaning she did nothing different and same thing every year but was expecting a different result. Like for example, she would always be sad, have an attitude, and complain ALL the time when she was broke or when her whole paycheck was spent. I would try my damnest to motivate her to work 2 jobs, study her g.e.d book so she can get back into school, so she wont be so sad when shes broke and all but she was just a lazy person. This was the case with her the entire relationship and it drove me to insanity. I was with someone that did not want to help themslves.

    So all in all this ended up with me going far out my way to help with her and her child, using all the money I had to keep us a place to stay, we ended up moving to 3 different apartments, I always had to drive her and there all the time, because we only had one vehicle which was my truck, all she did was work that same job where I met her ever since we met I mean of course she did help me out when I needed it and came half on rent...but on the other hand I felt very used, and she acted ungrateful for the things I helped her with, causing a toxic relationship and then we started abusing eachother badly. In fact abuse happened between us the entire relationship.


    tl;dr 3 months after being separated I been distraught, in agony, heart broken, and emotionally unstable since the post break up. I loved that woman so much we had awesome times, and horrific times, but all in all I just wanted to be with her no matter what. It's so sad because I just graduated welding school and was ready to start a family with her. During the post break up she nasty to me. Posting pics like she was so happy with out me. Had another guy call my phone wanting to fight me, etc; she is a dramafied person. She purposely did all those things knowingly how heart broken i was. It took me lot of courage not to do nothing stupid because I didn't want to hurt nobody and go to jail behind an ex. Now i hate her so much that i never felt this much rage against anyone like this in my life. U will never ever forgive her. Since the break up, shes doing ok, but im not anf why is this? And Finally the original question is, is this all my fault?

  • #2
    All I can say is that if you wanted a grown up woman who knows her responsibility to herself and her child then you picked the wrong girl.

    You're better off without her in your life. Find someone mature and who gives a crap about herself and, if she's a mother any babies she may have give birth to. This one doesn't think, act or live in a healthy, mature way whatsoever. She gave up nurturing and caring for her own child so she could improve her lot and then did nothing. pffft.
    Last edited by phasesofthemoon; May 5th, 2018, 04:03 PM.
    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by srt92 View Post
      Brace yourselves because this story is crazy.

      OK so 3 years ago I met a woman. I was 23, she was 25. We met at the same job we both worked at. She has a 5 yr old daughter. My situation at the time, I was staying at my aunties house getting back into school to become a welder and get my own place, since I lost my last apartment. Her situation was that she was staying with her sister trying to get back on her feet due to her getting out of jail behind some domestic deal with her ex boyfreind in her last relationship that happened a yr before we met. And to be honest, In my mind I was
      Still hurt behind my ex before I got with her.

      So when we met, we clinged together easily, and we ended up getting together. Things went Hella fast from that point. Keep in mind at this time, she was staying with her sister. When her sister found out that that we were dating, they both didn't get along with each other, in fact they hardly ever got along. Soo that there lead to my ex moving out and staying at a friend's house, and i stayed there with them as well. I helped her moved all her things out her sisters house into her Freinds house with my truck. She has no car, no drivers license, no HS diploma.

      So I was basically running her everywhere at this point. And it got worse when we saved up and got an apartment. At this point I was miserable. Having to wake up very early to take the child to school, daycare, and us to work was stressful, especially when we were still trying to get to know eachother. I been with women that had children and stuff, but they always taken care their own duties to where I didn't have to do anything but date them. Obviously this was not the case here. So out of stress and feeling like I got myself Into the wrong situation, I had to call it quits. So she ended up moving back to her moms house. But that only lasted for a week because we liked eachother so much. So she came back, but she decided to leave her child with her grandmother until she can get things sorted out to make it easier so she can take care of her duties with her child while I'm not around since I was going to school and work.

      At that point, things just went downhill. When she came back she was still very hurt and broken up that I had to break it off with her because I felt like I was getting myself into something I had no business into, no matter how I tried to convince her she didnt take it that way. I swear you guys, i didnt break it off with her because i didnt like her, its cuz i thought i was doing the wrong thing.

      So basically to keep the apartment, and my truck, I was working 2 jobs and continuing on with school using financial aid money. She on the other hand, didn't go back to her job because she was embarrassed of the short break up we had and just stayed home looking and applying for other jobs from her phone.

      On the flip side, this caused problems because she wasn't motivated to get her g.e.d, to get a car, etc...and in the back of my mind I was like she has a 5 yr old daughter that isnt with her at this point why on earth isn't she motivated to do this and that to better her situation? Because at some point in this relationship I started to feel used. So that caused fights, arguments, just a hot mess. She did end up going back to her job when she supposedly told me she couldn't find a different job. Everytime when she was broke, she would be acting all depressed But during the relationship, I fell deep in love with her. But keep in mind she was on some insanity stuff meaning she did nothing different and same thing every year but was expecting a different result. Like for example, she would always be sad, have an attitude, and complain ALL the time when she was broke or when her whole paycheck was spent. I would try my damnest to motivate her to work 2 jobs, study her g.e.d book so she can get back into school, so she wont be so sad when shes broke and all but she was just a lazy person. This was the case with her the entire relationship and it drove me to insanity. I was with someone that did not want to help themslves.

      So all in all this ended up with me going far out my way to help with her and her child, using all the money I had to keep us a place to stay, we ended up moving to 3 different apartments, I always had to drive her and there all the time, because we only had one vehicle which was my truck, all she did was work that same job where I met her ever since we met I mean of course she did help me out when I needed it and came half on rent...but on the other hand I felt very used, and she acted ungrateful for the things I helped her with, causing a toxic relationship and then we started abusing eachother badly. In fact abuse happened between us the entire relationship.


      tl;dr 3 months after being separated I been distraught, in agony, heart broken, and emotionally unstable since the post break up. I loved that woman so much we had awesome times, and horrific times, but all in all I just wanted to be with her no matter what. It's so sad because I just graduated welding school and was ready to start a family with her. During the post break up she nasty to me. Posting pics like she was so happy with out me. Had another guy call my phone wanting to fight me, etc; she is a dramafied person. She purposely did all those things knowingly how heart broken i was. It took me lot of courage not to do nothing stupid because I didn't want to hurt nobody and go to jail behind an ex. Now i hate her so much that i never felt this much rage against anyone like this in my life. U will never ever forgive her. Since the break up, shes doing ok, but im not anf why is this? And Finally the original question is, is this all my fault?
      I'm sorry you're going through this and went through it in the past, srt92. You sound reminiscent of how I was a few years ago. My story was different than yours but there are parallels. For me, I helped my cousin. We were close as children, reconnected and grew close as adults. The problem was, her life changed for the worse. She married the wrong man, he treated her terribly and I tried so hard to be her hero. I thought it was my duty to be a big sister figure for her since she is an only child. I did everything for her despite residing 400 miles apart. I made handmade quilts for her, gave her a lot of money, gift cards, ordered gifts online, had them shipped to her doorstep, we emailed daily and I gave her tons of moral support. We drove to each others houses a few times. When she came to my house, I cooked a huge buffet for her family. I rolled out the red carpet for her. I did as much as I could until her warts started appearing. She became emotional, angry with the cards she had been dealt with, stressed due to employment and motherhood. The problem was she took out her frustrations and stress onto me. I couldn't handle it. I eventually burned out from being the supportive one all the time and truth be told I was sick 'n tired of her soap opera life. She was a major drama queen. She became a thorn in my side. I couldn't take her drama and "Debbie Downer" life anymore. She was a real drag.

      I asked my mother for advice. I told her I wanted to do the right thing by helping my cousin, her niece. She said, "Don't do the wrong thing" meaning don't act unnatural when helping people. Know your boundaries. People are very busy with their own lives and to go overboard is out of the norm; don't do that. I've since learned to enforce healthy boundaries with everyone in my life. I'm civil but I'm not overly sugary syrupy nice nor do I waste my resources on them as I had in the past. I don't do that anymore. I don't take on anymore waifs under my wing anymore either. It's their life, their problem, not mine. I don't get involved with other people's troubles anymore. It's their personal problem. I simply enjoy my own life. They need to help themselves. I'm not their responsibility. It's not my job.

      Unfortunately, I had to cut my cousin loose. Also, keep in mind that miserable people take advantage of you. They use you due to need, not love. People who are respectful and honorable, do not use others in order to meet their own ends. Stay away from users. If you give an inch, they'll take a mile. Once you start helping people, they'll drain you dry. Be smart and go your own way.

      I had experienced everything you're currently feeling. It will take months or years for your bitterness, hurt and resentment to subside. What helped me was surrounding myself with NORMAL, stable, sincerely kind people. Next, I concentrated on myself instead of taking care of everyone else all the time. I ate healthy, dieted, lost 35 pounds, exercised diligently, read books, watched movies, focused on hobbies, went on outings, spent time with my Golden Retriever, spent time with my husband and family. I created a new, mentally healthy world for myself. All dysfunctional, toxic people made their welcome exit from my life. Healthy distractions really work. I feel so RELIEVED nowadays. Change your trajectory in life. You'll be glad you did!

      You're going to have to work on forgiving her and others in your life. Forgive doesn't mean condone. Forgive means to let go and move on. Forgive doesn't mean forget (otherwise you won't learn from past mistakes and poor choices in life). Forgive means you'll stop holding grudges. Forgive means to start a new chapter in your life, begin anew. Wipe the slate clean, brush yourself off and think positively. Create your own happiness from this day forward.
      "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by chanelle View Post

        I'm sorry you're going through this and went through it in the past, srt92. You sound reminiscent of how I was a few years ago. My story was different than yours but there are parallels. For me, I helped my cousin. We were close as children, reconnected and grew close as adults. The problem was, her life changed for the worse. She married the wrong man, he treated her terribly and I tried so hard to be her hero. I thought it was my duty to be a big sister figure for her since she is an only child. I did everything for her despite residing 400 miles apart. I made handmade quilts for her, gave her a lot of money, gift cards, ordered gifts online, had them shipped to her doorstep, we emailed daily and I gave her tons of moral support. We drove to each others houses a few times. When she came to my house, I cooked a huge buffet for her family. I rolled out the red carpet for her. I did as much as I could until her warts started appearing. She became emotional, angry with the cards she had been dealt with, stressed due to employment and motherhood. The problem was she took out her frustrations and stress onto me. I couldn't handle it. I eventually burned out from being the supportive one all the time and truth be told I was sick 'n tired of her soap opera life. She was a major drama queen. She became a thorn in my side. I couldn't take her drama and "Debbie Downer" life anymore. She was a real drag.

        I asked my mother for advice. I told her I wanted to do the right thing by helping my cousin, her niece. She said, "Don't do the wrong thing" meaning don't act unnatural when helping people. Know your boundaries. People are very busy with their own lives and to go overboard is out of the norm; don't do that. I've since learned to enforce healthy boundaries with everyone in my life. I'm civil but I'm not overly sugary syrupy nice nor do I waste my resources on them as I had in the past. I don't do that anymore. I don't take on anymore waifs under my wing anymore either. It's their life, their problem, not mine. I don't get involved with other people's troubles anymore. It's their personal problem. I simply enjoy my own life. They need to help themselves. I'm not their responsibility. It's not my job.

        Unfortunately, I had to cut my cousin loose. Also, keep in mind that miserable people take advantage of you. They use you due to need, not love. People who are respectful and honorable, do not use others in order to meet their own ends. Stay away from users. If you give an inch, they'll take a mile. Once you start helping people, they'll drain you dry. Be smart and go your own way.

        I had experienced everything you're currently feeling. It will take months or years for your bitterness, hurt and resentment to subside. What helped me was surrounding myself with NORMAL, stable, sincerely kind people. Next, I concentrated on myself instead of taking care of everyone else all the time. I ate healthy, dieted, lost 35 pounds, exercised diligently, read books, watched movies, focused on hobbies, went on outings, spent time with my Golden Retriever, spent time with my husband and family. I created a new, mentally healthy world for myself. All dysfunctional, toxic people made their welcome exit from my life. Healthy distractions really work. I feel so RELIEVED nowadays. Change your trajectory in life. You'll be glad you did!

        You're going to have to work on forgiving her and others in your life. Forgive doesn't mean condone. Forgive means to let go and move on. Forgive doesn't mean forget (otherwise you won't learn from past mistakes and poor choices in life). Forgive means you'll stop holding grudges. Forgive means to start a new chapter in your life, begin anew. Wipe the slate clean, brush yourself off and think positively. Create your own happiness from this day forward.
        Amazing. Some of the words you were saying were exactly what I was saying to her during arguements. I feel so used. For example I paid 1400 for an apartment for us. We split, I had to come and get all the stuff out of the apartment because the apartment was in her Freinds name. Big mistake, but I did it cuz i loved her so much and I didn't want to see her go back to her moms house. Her mom lives out of town. And she hatedid living with her mom as well. I feel better especially after the first guys comment if you look above. But at the same time I feel so ashamed because she never loved me. Well I mean she did love me but she fell out of love with me and it hurts so bad, so so bad. But I try to look at it like I have the upper hand in the longoing run because still to this day she has no car, no diploma, and still has the burden of a 7 year old. Me on the other hand I have no kids, I just got certified as a welder, and I keep visualizing how great things will turn out for me. Maybe she will realize her mistake, maybe she wont. But I want her to see what she lost out on.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
          All I can say is that if you wanted a grown up woman who knows her responsibility to herself and her child then you picked the wrong girl.

          You're better off without her in your life. Find someone mature and who gives a crap about herself and, if she's a mother any babies she may have give birth to. This one doesn't think, act or live in a healthy, mature way whatsoever. She gave up nurturing and caring for her own child so she could improve her lot and then did nothing. pffft.
          You are correct and you sort have made my day. That was my problem throughout the relationship. I would see other women with their own cars taking their boyfreind out, or making and doing errands for their man while I'm stuck doing everything for a ungrateful woman. Or for a woman that doesn't realize how serious her situation is, and what she needs to do, and what it's causing between us as a couple. She didn't realize how stressful it was for me, or she just didn't plain care. I feel so used though. The feeling of how she could do better with someone else you know? I still haven't forgave this woman and probably won't for a good while. But I do plan on finding a better looking, more emotional stable woman for myself, because things are low for me now, but what's giving me hope for myself is that I just graduated as a welder, and I could luck up and find a good paying job and that might make me feel better.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by srt92 View Post

            Amazing. Some of the words you were saying were exactly what I was saying to her during arguments. I feel so used. For example I paid 1400 for an apartment for us. We split, I had to come and get all the stuff out of the apartment because the apartment was in her Friends name. Big mistake, but I did it cuz i loved her so much and I didn't want to see her go back to her moms house. Her mom lives out of town. And she hated living with her mom as well. I feel better especially after the first guys comment if you look above. But at the same time I feel so ashamed because she never loved me. Well I mean she did love me but she fell out of love with me and it hurts so bad, so so bad. But I try to look at it like I have the upper hand in the long run because still to this day she has no car, no diploma, and still has the burden of a 7 year old. Me on the other hand I have no kids, I just got certified as a welder, and I keep visualizing how great things will turn out for me. Maybe she will realize her mistake, maybe she wont. But I want her to see what she lost out on.
            I'm sorry she never loved you. When some people are overwhelmed with their own misery for so long, they simply check out meaning they've checked out of any and all human decency. They feel so mentally bruised and abused (not by you) that they have no brain space left for kindness and graciousness. My cousin was this way. She was so far gone. I think this is the same for your ex-girlfriend. Remember that for some people, in order to survive in this world, all they do is take advantage and use people over and over again. If not you, they have sociopathic tendencies and prey on their next victim(s). They chase after easy targets, use them and once the victim discovers their scheming ways, the perpetrator moves onto their next victim(s). They repeat this vicious cycle. As for you, you become smarter and know when not to get tricked in the future. Some people just use people over and over again. When they're discovered, they either threaten you or dump you or both. It's as old as time.

            When people struggle financially for a long time, they become mean and numb. Numb people cannot love others because they don't love and respect themselves anymore. They don't like their life. They can't even look at themselves in the mirror because they do not like themselves. They're miserable and have no brain space to love you but they'll use you. They'll take advantage of you as long as you allow them to.

            I know it hurts to love someone so much and feel used. What helps is to transform your pain into wisdom gained. This is what I did. You learn from bad experiences and you'll know how to be smart in the future regarding how to navigate your life and whom you choose to associate with. You'll tread more carefully from now on. You're wary and jaded. Use your negative experience as a learning tool for your future. Never make the same mistake twice.
            "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by srt92 View Post

              You are correct and you sort have made my day. That was my problem throughout the relationship. I would see other women with their own cars taking their boyfreind out, or making and doing errands for their man while I'm stuck doing everything for a ungrateful woman. Or for a woman that doesn't realize how serious her situation is, and what she needs to do, and what it's causing between us as a couple. She didn't realize how stressful it was for me, or she just didn't plain care. I feel so used though. The feeling of how she could do better with someone else you know? I still haven't forgave this woman and probably won't for a good while. But I do plan on finding a better looking, more emotional stable woman for myself, because things are low for me now, but what's giving me hope for myself is that I just graduated as a welder, and I could luck up and find a good paying job and that might make me feel better.
              You have nothing to be ashamed of. You tried and gave it your best shot which is more than anyone else would've done. The only problem you had was being naive just as I was. Naivete comes from inexperience with people in general. Now you know. After you've been around the block a few times in this thing called life, you become wiser, more street smart. You won't allow anyone to use you anymore because you can sniff a manipulator / sociopath from a mile away. Your antennae will always be up. This is what you've gained from pain. No pain no gain as they say.

              I too am quite bitter from being used. Just feel grateful that it's over as opposed to dragging this out into the future which would've been worse. Congratulations on your graduation as a welder. You sound like a really good guy, a really good man, srt92. I can sense your humility and wise choice of words. Yes, I hope you find a good job and feel better. A new job will help distract you. You'll concentrate on work instead of someone who wronged you sorely. Chin up. Lick your wounds. Time will heal your old wounds someday. Please be patient. Give yourself time. What helps is to feel grateful that a trouble maker is out of your life now instead of later. Bad breakups are often times a blessing in disguise. She actually did you a favor by exiting your life recently. That's the silver lining you need to realize.
              "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

              Comment


              • #8
                Maybe she will realize her mistake, maybe she wont. But I want her to see what she lost out on.

                No, she won't realize her mistake. She's too preoccupied in her own miserable world. No, you do not need to prove to her what she lost out on because she does not care. All she cared about was using you until you had enough of being used. All she cares about is using people due to HER need. This was how my cousin was and this is how your ex is / was. Users NEVER CHANGE. They are permanently set in their ways. It is their mode of survival and nothing else. The smartest thing for you to do is build your self-confidence and self-esteem back up. Once you do that, you'll no longer feel that you have to show or prove anything to your ex-girlfriend who is history. She could care less about you because to her, you're only "bread 'n butter." No more no less. You're better than that. People like her and my cousin are scum and worse than the dirt under your feet. Once you think like that, you grow confident that you will overcome this bitter taste in your mouth. Do what makes you happy. Surround yourself with uplifting, sincere people who know how to be kind to you. Hang in there. Also, enjoy time to have peace without your ex which is refreshing, a huge relief and burden lifted.
                "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by chanelle View Post

                  You have nothing to be ashamed of. You tried and gave it your best shot which is more than anyone else would've done. The only problem you had was being naive just as I was. Naivete comes from inexperience with people in general. Now you know. After you've been around the block a few times in this thing called life, you become wiser, more street smart. You won't allow anyone to use you anymore because you can sniff a manipulator / sociopath from a mile away. Your antennae will always be up. This is what you've gained from pain. No pain no gain as they say.

                  I too am quite bitter from being used. Just feel grateful that it's over as opposed to dragging this out into the future which would've been worse. Congratulations on your graduation as a welder. You sound like a really good guy, a really good man, srt92. I can sense your humility and wise choice of words. Yes, I hope you find a good job and feel better. A new job will help distract you. You'll concentrate on work instead of someone who wronged you sorely. Chin up. Lick your wounds. Time will heal your old wounds someday. Please be patient. Give yourself time. What helps is to feel grateful that a trouble maker is out of your life now instead of later. Bad breakups are often times a blessing in disguise. She actually did you a favor by exiting your life recently. That's the silver lining you need to realize.
                  Yea I understand but I do feel some sort of regret and guilt. I did do things I wasn't supposed to, but she pushed me beyond my limit. It was only so much I could have take. But I didn't want to leave her. Like how can people do this to other people. I don't know why I was so in love with her. Well then again this is the first longest relationship I been in. It's just so so so sad. This has honestly made me want to find a woman and start a family with. Not off the bat, but to keep her have kids in a few years. But I'm scared I won't find someone like her. I mean don't get me wrong I seen all kinds of attractive women since the break up but I'm scared I won't find the same bond and love my ex gave to me...I did date other women so far and it's just not the same. Well then again lol if I do find a very attractive woman that accepts me for everything I am, then I would be so happy. Hopefully I can find a good paying welding job to present myself nice to the next woman. And thank you for the compliment. I am a very cool guy, I always had that mind set since I was a child. I may not be strong in self confidence at this moment because my heart is crushed, but I always had a mindset to where regardless of what I'm going through I can visualise where I will be. I'm not a dreamer, but just motivated. And that's what the difference was between me and her. She's not motivated at all, but wanted to complain and act all negative around me which drove me to insanity...drove me to insanity to where I did wrong things. She bought the worse out of me. Pray for me please. I'm an emotional Rollercoaster, one hour I'm doing ok, and the next hour I'm down. But like you said once I find a good paying welding job I will buy a new truck and a house and be happy.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by chanelle View Post
                    Maybe she will realize her mistake, maybe she wont. But I want her to see what she lost out on.

                    No, she won't realize her mistake. She's too preoccupied in her own miserable world. No, you do not need to prove to her what she lost out on because she does not care. All she cared about was using you until you had enough of being used. All she cares about is using people due to HER need. This was how my cousin was and this is how your ex is / was. Users NEVER CHANGE. They are permanently set in their ways. It is their mode of survival and nothing else. The smartest thing for you to do is build your self-confidence and self-esteem back up. Once you do that, you'll no longer feel that you have to show or prove anything to your ex-girlfriend who is history. She could care less about you because to her, you're only "bread 'n butter." No more no less. You're better than that. People like her and my cousin are scum and worse than the dirt under your feet. Once you think like that, you grow confident that you will overcome this bitter taste in your mouth. Do what makes you happy. Surround yourself with uplifting, sincere people who know how to be kind to you. Hang in there. Also, enjoy time to have peace without your ex which is refreshing, a huge relief and burden lifted.
                    Not so sure about that. She's a social media queen. And even during the small break up we had at the first of the relationship, her ex contacted her asking about her child through facebook. So she keeps up with her exes i had to be a fool to not beleive that. Even during the post break up she would like my some of my pics on instagram. Like during the post break up for an example, if I said something that made her upset, she would go post something in attempt to make me feel bad, jealous, or to break my heart. I caught on to it, and ignored the crazy woman. 2 weeks later she sends me a text saying how that she misses and still loves me and that she will be praying for me. On my mistake, I did however send her a message saying the same thing back to her that I still love and miss her, and her response wasn't what I had wanted to her. She plays games. Girly games. So I'm pretty sure she still lurking me of what I'm doing because 9/10 she did the same with her former ex before me.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by srt92 View Post

                      Yea I understand but I do feel some sort of regret and guilt. I did do things I wasn't supposed to, but she pushed me beyond my limit. It was only so much I could have take. But I didn't want to leave her. Like how can people do this to other people. I don't know why I was so in love with her. Well then again this is the first longest relationship I been in. It's just so so so sad. This has honestly made me want to find a woman and start a family with. Not off the bat, but to keep her have kids in a few years. But I'm scared I won't find someone like her. I mean don't get me wrong I seen all kinds of attractive women since the break up but I'm scared I won't find the same bond and love my ex gave to me...I did date other women so far and it's just not the same. Well then again lol if I do find a very attractive woman that accepts me for everything I am, then I would be so happy. Hopefully I can find a good paying welding job to present myself nice to the next woman. And thank you for the compliment. I am a very cool guy, I always had that mind set since I was a child. I may not be strong in self confidence at this moment because my heart is crushed, but I always had a mindset to where regardless of what I'm going through I can visualize where I will be. I'm not a dreamer, but just motivated. And that's what the difference was between me and her. She's not motivated at all, but wanted to complain and act all negative around me which drove me to insanity...drove me to insanity to where I did wrong things. She bought the worse out of me. Pray for me please. I'm an emotional Rollercoaster, one hour I'm doing ok, and the next hour I'm down. But like you said once I find a good paying welding job I will buy a new truck and a house and be happy.

                      Not so sure about that. She's a social media queen. And even during the small break up we had at the first of the relationship, her ex contacted her asking about her child through facebook. So she keeps up with her exes i had to be a fool to not believe that. Even during the post break up she would like my some of my pics on instagram. Like during the post break up for an example, if I said something that made her upset, she would go post something in attempt to make me feel bad, jealous, or to break my heart. I caught on to it, and ignored the crazy woman. 2 weeks later she sends me a text saying how that she misses and still loves me and that she will be praying for me. On my mistake, I did however send her a message saying the same thing back to her that I still love and miss her, and her response wasn't what I had wanted to her. She plays games. Girly games. So I'm pretty sure she still lurking me of what I'm doing because 9/10 she did the same with her former ex before me.

                      It's perfectly normal to feel regret and guilt. I felt that way A LOT, too. When your wounds are still raw and fresh, there's a lot of regret and guilt. It is perfectly natural to feel the way you do right now. I hate to say it but you'll feel this way for a while. It could take months. Some people recover faster but for me, it took if not months, years! Hopefully, you'll get over it faster than I did! My cousin pushed me over the edge, too. The problem is when your SO (significant other) takes, takes, takes and doesn't contribute to the relationship. You were working 2 jobs around-the-clock, taking her 5 yr old daughter to school, daycare, you were in school and moved 3x! That's a lot on your plate!

                      How can people do this to other people? Oh that's easy to answer. Because when people only know how to act like animals, it's easy to act like one. Also, there's something called EQ or emotional intelligence. When people lack EQ, relationships with them are absolutely hopeless. They are hellbent emotional or cold and don't communicate with you on an intelligent level. You're never on the same page regarding getting messages across in their brain. They don't get it; never have, never will. It will never work. Lack of EQ is a very serious mental disorder. It's right up there with gaslighting and socipathic behaviors. It's all bad. Stay away from dysfunctional, toxic people because all they will do is deflect, confuse you, talk around and around in circles with you and frustrate you to no end. Once you understand and fully comprehend human psychology, it's no longer a mystery. You educate yourself in human psychology and instead of pain, you feel absolutely RELIEVED to rid yourself of weird, mean people from your LIFE. They have got to go. They're not mentally healthy nor mentally healthy for YOU. Remember this!

                      Why were you in love with her? I don't know. Perhaps you wanted to feel the need to help the needy but the problem with that is you're taken advantage of and used. You're their meal ticket and you burnout eventually.

                      It's unfortunate, that no matter what good you see in a person, if there's financial strife in any relationship, it is doomed for failure. Why? Because life is too ______ hard. There's an old saying: "Love don't pay the rent." This means all the love and sweet nothings whispered into your ear will not put food on the table or a roof over your head! Another idiom is: "Rich men don't fight." This means if you're comfortable financially and not living a hand-to-mouth existence, fighting in a relationship is either less or nil.

                      You're only 26 years old and so young. You sound like a really good guy with a sincere heart. You deserve a woman who will treat you right. She's out there for you. Patience is key. Your self-confidence will increase especially after you attain gainful employment. In the meantime, know that you are a very decent human being which is noticeable btw. I wouldn't be surprised if you met a lucky lady before the new truck and house. You're still young and the future is bright for you. One door closes and another door will open up for you!

                      Hmm, since she's a social media queen, be careful and tread lightly. If you broke up with her, does she still need to be in your life? Out of sight, out of mind? She broke your heart on FB, made you feel bad and jealous. Well, good thing you cut her loose then. Then she texts you saying she misses and still loves you. She sounds mentally sick. I agree, it was a mistake to tell her likewise. She sounds like a major drama queen. Would you consider blocking her on social media? Looks like she's following a pattern with treating you the same way as her former ex before you. I'd steer clear. You need to make a clean break so you can get on with your life. You deserve to be happy WITHOUT HER spying on you 24/7.
                      "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by chanelle View Post


                        Not so sure about that. She's a social media queen. And even during the small break up we had at the first of the relationship, her ex contacted her asking about her child through facebook. So she keeps up with her exes i had to be a fool to not believe that. Even during the post break up she would like my some of my pics on instagram. Like during the post break up for an example, if I said something that made her upset, she would go post something in attempt to make me feel bad, jealous, or to break my heart. I caught on to it, and ignored the crazy woman. 2 weeks later she sends me a text saying how that she misses and still loves me and that she will be praying for me. On my mistake, I did however send her a message saying the same thing back to her that I still love and miss her, and her response wasn't what I had wanted to her. She plays games. Girly games. So I'm pretty sure she still lurking me of what I'm doing because 9/10 she did the same with her former ex before me.

                        It's perfectly normal to feel regret and guilt. I felt that way A LOT, too. When your wounds are still raw and fresh, there's a lot of regret and guilt. It is perfectly natural to feel the way you do right now. I hate to say it but you'll feel this way for a while. It could take months. Some people recover faster but for me, it took if not months, years! Hopefully, you'll get over it faster than I did! My cousin pushed me over the edge, too. The problem is when your SO (significant other) takes, takes, takes and doesn't contribute to the relationship. You were working 2 jobs around-the-clock, taking her 5 yr old daughter to school, daycare, you were in school and moved 3x! That's a lot on your plate!

                        How can people do this to other people? Oh that's easy to answer. Because when people only know how to act like animals, it's easy to act like one. Also, there's something called EQ or emotional intelligence. When people lack EQ, relationships with them are absolutely hopeless. They are hellbent emotional or cold and don't communicate with you on an intelligent level. You're never on the same page regarding getting messages across in their brain. They don't get it; never have, never will. It will never work. Lack of EQ is a very serious mental disorder. It's right up there with gaslighting and socipathic behaviors. It's all bad. Stay away from dysfunctional, toxic people because all they will do is deflect, confuse you, talk around and around in circles with you and frustrate you to no end. Once you understand and fully comprehend human psychology, it's no longer a mystery. You educate yourself in human psychology and instead of pain, you feel absolutely RELIEVED to rid yourself of weird, mean people from your LIFE. They have got to go. They're not mentally healthy nor mentally healthy for YOU. Remember this!

                        Why were you in love with her? I don't know. Perhaps you wanted to feel the need to help the needy but the problem with that is you're taken advantage of and used. You're their meal ticket and you burnout eventually.

                        It's unfortunate, that no matter what good you see in a person, if there's financial strife in any relationship, it is doomed for failure. Why? Because life is too ______ hard. There's an old saying: "Love don't pay the rent." This means all the love and sweet nothings whispered into your ear will not put food on the table or a roof over your head! Another idiom is: "Rich men don't fight." This means if you're comfortable financially and not living a hand-to-mouth existence, fighting in a relationship is either less or nil.

                        You're only 26 years old and so young. You sound like a really good guy with a sincere heart. You deserve a woman who will treat you right. She's out there for you. Patience is key. Your self-confidence will increase especially after you attain gainful employment. In the meantime, know that you are a very decent human being which is noticeable btw. I wouldn't be surprised if you met a lucky lady before the new truck and house. You're still young and the future is bright for you. One door closes and another door will open up for you!

                        Hmm, since she's a social media queen, be careful and tread lightly. If you broke up with her, does she still need to be in your life? Out of sight, out of mind? She broke your heart on FB, made you feel bad and jealous. Well, good thing you cut her loose then. Then she texts you saying she misses and still loves you. She sounds mentally sick. I agree, it was a mistake to tell her likewise. She sounds like a major drama queen. Would you consider blocking her on social media? Looks like she's following a pattern with treating you the same way as her former ex before you. I'd steer clear. You need to make a clean break so you can get on with your life. You deserve to be happy WITHOUT HER spying on you 24/7.
                        Thank you for all your help. funny part is 2 days she sent me an email with screenshots of some mail that came in for me. In my mind I'm thinking why she just didn't throw it away or just simply text me saying I got some mail...so I ignored it. Then later on that day she text me and says: "I kno u r gonna be childish and ignore me but u got two letters here and i would suggest u fill out a change of address im going to be moving completely out tomorrow evening so i wont be here anymore to get any kind of mail so im giving u a heads up" and I still ignored her. Keep in mind this woman already told me that she was gonna move out last week. Like why does she feel the need to contact me, it's like I'm starting to hear from her every 2 to 3 weeks. I do know that will stop eventually if I keep on ignoring her...but I'm just curious as to why. She contacts me about something that's not really that important just like how I explained earlier.
                        Last edited by srt92; May 8th, 2018, 06:18 PM.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by srt92 View Post

                          Thank you for all your help. funny part is 2 days she sent me an email with screenshots of some mail that came in for me. In my mind I'm thinking why she just didn't throw it away or just simply text me saying I got some mail...so I ignored it. Then later on that day she text me and says: "I kno u r gonna be childish and ignore me but u got two letters here and i would suggest u fill out a change of address im going to be moving completely out tomorrow evening so i wont be here anymore to get any kind of mail so im giving u a heads up" and I still ignored her. Keep in mind this woman already told me that she was gonna move out last week. Like why does she feel the need to contact me, it's like I'm starting to hear from her every 2 to 3 weeks. I do know that will stop eventually if I keep on ignoring her...but I'm just curious as to why. She contacts me about something that's not really that important just like how I explained earlier.
                          Why are you not just reading her words and taking them at face value? You.got.some.mail.there and she's telling you to fill out a change of address form because she won't be there any longer to let you know if any more goes to that address.

                          Stop wondering. She's told you straight whats up. If you don't want to hear from her anymore then block and delete her. Get on with your life and put her in the past where she belongs.
                          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by srt92 View Post

                            Thank you for all your help. funny part is 2 days she sent me an email with screenshots of some mail that came in for me. In my mind I'm thinking why she just didn't throw it away or just simply text me saying I got some mail...so I ignored it. Then later on that day she text me and says: "I kno u r gonna be childish and ignore me but u got two letters here and i would suggest u fill out a change of address im going to be moving completely out tomorrow evening so i wont be here anymore to get any kind of mail so im giving u a heads up" and I still ignored her. Keep in mind this woman already told me that she was gonna move out last week. Like why does she feel the need to contact me, it's like I'm starting to hear from her every 2 to 3 weeks. I do know that will stop eventually if I keep on ignoring her...but I'm just curious as to why. She contacts me about something that's not really that important just like how I explained earlier.
                            No problem,srt92. Hope you unfriended her on social media. It's best that she cease checking up on you and hope you're not curious about her life nowadays. Hope you go your separate ways for good.

                            Hope you can leave a new forwarding address at your local post office. Or, you can do it online. This way she doesn't have an excuse to contact you every now and then regarding your postal mail.

                            She continues to contact you because she is insecure and she's developing a pattern of not letting you go. The more you ignore, the more she'll start to fade away but it could take awhile. Eventually, she should get the message regarding making a clean break. Maybe she continues to pester you because she's hoping that should you see her, she'll convince you to rekindle your relationship with her and revert to the life you once had with her. It is highly unlikely but she's wishing and hoping because of finances. It always boils down to money. You paid her living expenses and now she is desperate for her survival. You are her meal ticket. Don't bite the bait.
                            "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post

                              Why are you not just reading her words and taking them at face value? You.got.some.mail.there and she's telling you to fill out a change of address form because she won't be there any longer to let you know if any more goes to that address.

                              Stop wondering. She's told you straight whats up. If you don't want to hear from her anymore then block and delete her. Get on with your life and put her in the past where she belongs.
                              I understand what your saying. Like I still had a pair of her socks, an album cd of hers, and a shirt of hers. I threw it all away because it's been 3 months Since she left me, and i feel since its been that long, and since she didnt ask about it, i didnt contact her all about it, i just put it all in the trash, and plus i been got all my stuff out of there...so my question was that if she got mail that was mine why didn't she just throw it away? Because that's what i would of done, or I would simply just text her and said I have some mail and that's i, instead of contacting her about something that's irrelevant.

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