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Girlfriend going out with another man

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  • Girlfriend going out with another man

    I am new to the forum but need some advice. I have been dating this girl, who is going through a divorce, for about four years. The first couple of years were amazing, but then something happened. The husband approached her a little over two years ago crying and saying he wanted her and their, at the time, fourteen year old daughter back in his life. He is a very wealthy man and involved in politics and has lots of power.




    Anyway, they made an agreement to go out jointly with the daughter. At first it was once or twice a month and then it became a couple of times a month. Then about a year and a half ago he asked her to act like they were back together until after his election. He promised to grant her the divorce after the election was over. I had to be hidden and could not be seen in public with her. Well the election came May of last year and no divorce and they were still going out every single day. Fast forward to the present. She now says that she will get a divorce when the daughter graduates in two years.




    I love this woman and want her in my life but I have acted jealous and insecure and it has really caused her attraction level to drop for me. We still have sex, but the frequency has really dropped. I have started not acting jealous and instead of making demands of her I told her that if she wanted to go out with him then I would see other women too. This made her angry and she said that we were in an exclusive relationship but I donít feel like we are. I have done a poor job of setting boundaries. I am OK with her going out with her husband if I can go out with other women.




  • #2
    Does it matter what you want? She will do what she has to do because her daughter will always come first in her life. You can either accept it or move on but running around going out with different women under the guise of being in a relationship is playing the fool. The only person who looks foolish is you.

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    • #3
      I would not care for her going out with him if the daughter were going out wi them. They go out on a date at least three or four nights a week and we only go out about once a month.

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      • #4
        She's thinking big picture while you're shortsighted. From her perspective she's going out with a man who's promised her a divorce (apparently) after the election. He needs to keep up (apparently) his image. You need to man up and make a decision: whether you have the balls to ride this wave or whether you're going to cut and run. Make up your mind. The only person you're hurting that matters is you.

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        • #5
          But you are right going out with different women is not even something I want to do. It just bugs me she goes out on dates with him and I feel like I am in half an open relationship. She says there is nothing physical between them and that she just enjoys his company.

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          • #6
            The election was over a year ago and he won abdvthst is done.

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            • #7
              It appears she hasn't let go of the glamourous lifestyle she used to have. Move on.

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              • #8

                The election was over a year ago. You are right though I know deep down the only choice I have if I want to be with her is to trust and believe in her. It is hard sometimes though. I donít understand all of her actions but she says they are innocent. I know I am being insecure but when she told me that they were going on vacation for a week just the two of them it made me jealous and worry about them being in the same hotel room alone. I guess I need to quit letting stuff go through my head that is negative.

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                • #9
                  That's not what I'm saying.. I'm saying to move on as in move on from this relationship because it is hurting you. I am not saying to bury your sadness and allow your girlfriend to spend excessive time with her ex. She is living a double life. There is no reason to go for a two week vacation with her ex when they're over. Have you misunderstood your relationship with her? Does her ex have any idea that you're having sex with her or in her life?

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                  • #10
                    Yes he knows I am in her life because he has threatened to kill me or have the police depart frame me. He threatened to kill my girlfriend if she sued for a divorce and tried to get any money. This is a matter of record. She has told me that she really enjoys the lifestyle they lead and that she really wants that but then she turns around and says she really wants me and that I am more important than the lifestyle.
                    Last edited by sin86; March 9th, 2018, 12:42 AM.

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                    • #11
                      The deal with dating other women was that I wanted to split, just be friends, or see each other in an open relationship (her choice) until she was able to get the divorce and then we would look and see where we were at. I really donít care about seeing another woman.
                      Last edited by sin86; March 9th, 2018, 12:44 AM.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by sin86 View Post
                        The deal with dating other women was that I wanted to split, just be friends, or see each other in an open relationship (her choice) until she was able to get the divorce and then we would look and see where we were at. I really donít care about seeing another woman.
                        Well it was silly to try and bargain with something she knows you don't care for or would do (ie see other women)
                        For some reason you thought that was your power. She called your bluff.

                        The only thing you have in your power is to end the relationship.

                        She says she likes the lifestyle but that you are are more important ???
                        Her actions say the opposite.

                        It is perfectly acceptable for you to demand she has no contact with him other that about their daughter.

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                        • #13
                          She has the best of both worlds & you are as miserable as sin. The more you put up with this the less respect she will have for you.

                          Give her an ultimatum & find out where you really stand. If it doesn't suit you then find yourself someone else!

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                          • #14
                            Youíve been dating a married woman for four years who still spends lots of time with her husband. He is clearly courting her and she is offering another two years for him to win her back.

                            He, apparently, is a powerful confident aggressive man and you are a weak, passive, and insecure one. In two years which do you think she will choose?

                            Itís time to get your self respect back, stop dating married women and find someone who treats relationships properly.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by sin86 View Post
                              I had to be hidden and could not be seen in public with her.


                              Uh, no you didn't, but you chose to go along with this ridiculous arrangement that THEY made.

                              I know you probably didn't mean to type this, but what does "have the police depart frame me" mean ?

                              You didn't meant to type anything about 'deporting' you, did you ?
                              The definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.

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