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I financed a car for her and now she wants to buy her own & leave me with the debt

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  • I financed a car for her and now she wants to buy her own & leave me with the debt

    Itís been 3 years since I asked my girlfriend to move in and marry me. She was just concluding a long divorce and she got a car that was in her exís name. It had a 300 dollar payment. It was a lease.

    I wanted her to have a car that she liked but it had 8 months left and she had poor credit.
    So i used the income she was bringing in to pay off her car early and i bought a nice car and put it in my credit because i had a better interest rate.
    At that time i handled all the finances. I didnít believe in having 2 people involved and that causes a lot of fights.

    Anyway she now handles all her own money and income and she says the car payment is too much. It is 800 a month and her insurance is higher.

    She wants a lower payment and talked about trading it in. If she does she will have to pay 8k out of pocket because it now has a lot of negative equity. I rolled some negative equity in because i got a new car too when i bought hers.

    I donít have 8k to give her and i told her she just needs to drive that car and pay it down.
    Our recent fight was intense because I told her I felt she was very ungrateful that she is driving a very nice car and she would never have been able to get it without my credit. She says that she doesn't accept that and she's paying equity for ME and she is maintaining the car with tires, oil changes etc. She has put about 2 thousand dollars into it in maintenance but she would have to do that with ANY car.

    I overheard her talking to a car dealer the other day and I think she plans to get a new car and stick me with this!


    What advice would you give me?

  • #2
    To stop trying to control every aspect of your girlfriends life and start letting her make her own financial decisions. You got yourself into this situation and I'm sorry to say that I have no sympathy for you particularly when YOU ended up with a new car as well. Is this car you bought her in her name or yours? If it's in your name then you didn't really buy it for her did you.

    Its too expensive an automobile for her to maintain so you'd both be smart to talk to a dealer. Her to get a car she can afford to insure, pay monthly and maintain and you to see how much they would give you to trade it in and you put that money towards paying off the loan. (Or sell it privately and get the most you can above what the dealer will give you).

    Learn from this and don't be buying thousands of dollar items for someone who you're not married to or someone who can't afford to pay off the debt.
    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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    • #3
      Well, we could afford it just fine when she gave me her paychecks, but now she wants to have her own money and mysteriously she thinks it is too expensive now.

      Yes, the car is solely in my name and even worse....I did talk to the dealer. I am at least 8k upside in the car. And I am upside down in my OWN car -- so there is nothing that can be done here except me coughing up cash to pay off a loan that she should be paying.

      She says that she feels bad but that since we aren't married and that she's paying her own bills...she doesn't know what to tell me...

      Comment


      • #4
        Yep, your bed, you made it.

        Sell "her" car and use the cash to pay down the loans and keep on paying them until they're paid off.

        She got a car in her divorce settlement. Why YOU felt she needed to ditch that car is beyond me. If you had waited until the lease was up on it, she could have bought something with her own money and a loan in her name.

        She can do whatever she wants now as long as she can qualify for her own loan. If she can't on her salary then she's shit our of luck isn't she but she's certainly not obligated or legally required to pay for cars and loans in your name.
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

        Comment


        • #5
          I'm afraid I can't feel any sympathy for you either. Why on earth didn't you let her keep paying the 300 dollars a month on the car and then after the lease agreement let her renew the lease or pick out something she could afford. As Phases said, you made the bed, now you have to sleep in it.

          You should follow Phases' advice. Sell the car and pay off the loans. Let her buy a car she can afford.
          "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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          • #6
            Ladies, she has the money to pay this car and I feel very uneasy knowing that she would be so selfish as to leave me with this debt. That's not a good partner and she wants to be my wife? I don't understand how she thinks this would be okay? I don't understand how YOU think this is okay? She will leave me in worse debt than I already am....

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            • #7
              Originally posted by jamesrroadb View Post
              Ladies, she has the money to pay this car and I feel very uneasy knowing that she would be so selfish as to leave me with this debt. That's not a good partner and she wants to be my wife? I don't understand how she thinks this would be okay? I don't understand how YOU think this is okay? She will leave me in worse debt than I already am....
              Then you shouldn't have been so controlling with HER money and what she drove. If you don't think she is a good partner (I don't) then dump her. Either way you're on the hook for the car payments unless you can successfully sue her for them. Good luck winning that when both cars are in your name. She has been paying for the cars that YOU own if you have been taking her paychecks.
              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

              Comment


              • #8
                So you agree with me...you don't think she is a good partner?

                Comment


                • #9
                  I don't think you are good partners with each other. You clearly have different philosophies about money and responsibilities. There is always a risk when you put a car in your own name that you mean for someone else to have. Because you are not married, you will be stuck with the entire debt, as opposed to half of it had you been married.
                  "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I don’t think she wants to be your wife. Clearly she is working toward independence with a car in her name and control of her own finances. The way you went about taking control of her car and finances demonstrated to her, and us, that you have some control issues that she doesn’t want to deal with. And to cement the point, you are now trying to manipulate her into being responsible for a decision you made. And, whether you will own it or not, I suspect that making her dependent on your car, and ditching hers, was another attempt to control.

                    What was her emotional and financial condition when you met? And how long did you date before you proposed?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by jamesrroadb View Post
                      So you agree with me...you don't think she is a good partner?
                      Well, I don't know her but I'd be wary of someone who would allow another to dictate what car they buy when its going to be put in the "dictators" name and who would hand over their entire paycheck to someone they aren't married to... Even then it's too much. Everyone should have their own to do with what they want after their share of the joint household finances have been taken care of. There is some self worth issues in there and there is a lack of personal boundaries in place when one allows another to take over like that. (IMO)
                      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by jamesrroadb View Post
                        Well, we could afford it just fine when she gave me her paychecks, but now she wants to have her own money and mysteriously she thinks it is too expensive now.

                        Yes, the car is solely in my name and even worse....I did talk to the dealer. I am at least 8k upside in the car. And I am upside down in my OWN car -- so there is nothing that can be done here except me coughing up cash to pay off a loan that she should be paying.

                        She says that she feels bad but that since we aren't married and that she's paying her own bills...she doesn't know what to tell me...
                        "We" could afford it as long as "she" gave you her pay checks???
                        Well that was a dumb decision that YOU made. Not to mention controlling.

                        She wants to manage her own finances. She was silly to let you make foolish decisions early on and she has since got wise.

                        No she should not have to pay for your bad investments.

                        I too doubt she wants to marry you. But I think you preyed on her vulnerability early days. Again that was your decision. Suck it up.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by jamesrroadb View Post
                          Well, we could afford it just fine when she gave me her paychecks, but now she wants to have her own money and mysteriously she thinks it is too expensive now.

                          Yes, the car is solely in my name and even worse....I did talk to the dealer. I am at least 8k upside in the car. And I am upside down in my OWN car -- so there is nothing that can be done here except me coughing up cash to pay off a loan that she should be paying.

                          She says that she feels bad but that since we aren't married and that she's paying her own bills...she doesn't know what to tell me...
                          If it is in your name it is you car and you were dumb financing a car with an $800 payment for someone the courts see as nothing more than your roommate.

                          She gave you her payvhecks? What the he'll does that even mean? That you like to control people and are mad that someone is taking their life back and not being tied down by your dumb decisions?

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