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  • Controlling and demanding?

    I'm a 16 male and is in a relationship for 5months,
    My girlfriend strongly believes that I must give her my social media accounts just because our friends(in a relationship) do it too. I feel that it is an invasion of privacy even though I really have nothing to hide so I rejected the request but she got really really really upset about it. After a while, I somehow talked to her into not having my account, but she expects me to tell her whoever follows/adds me and whoever I follow/add on social media. She also expects me to tell her whenever a girl talks to me or whenever i talk to a girl. Plus, she only said i can only talk to girls strictly for schoolwork-related things only, nothing more.

  • #2
    Hi there SAM ,

    I assume this is strongly related to the previous post you made about your girlfriend not allowing you to have female friends.
    Since that topic has already been discussed in that thread (https://www.relationship-forums.com/...befriend-girls), I won't cover it again.

    Here's the thing. You have a certain attitude which probably gives your girlfriend a very strong vibe that you can't be trusted. In my opinion, you're not ready to be in a serious relationship and you'd be better off being single and carefree for the next few years. You're just not in the right frame of mind and you're too curious to explore the world and expand your social circle. Your girlfriend is looking for a mature relationship, but that's something she can't find with you right now. That's where the silly demands and the controling behaviour comes from.

    When there's trust, and when both partners have a mature attitude, the need t control each other greatly diminishes or even disappears.
    I know my boyfriend would give me the passwords of his social media accounts if I asked... I just never ask because I have no reason to. And vice versa. As long as he doesn't give me any reason to distrust him, I will never check his social media either.
    The fact that she asks, is a symptom of a bigger problem, a lack of trust, mature communication and transparancy.

    Whether or not you give your girlfriend your passwords, is up to you. However, realise that as long as you don't give off the vibe that you can be trusted, the controling behaviour from her part won't stop.
    If I were you, I'd take some time to grow up and mature before getting into another relationship. It's just not the right time.
    You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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    • #3
      why do you want to be in a relationship with a domineering girl like this? she is acting more like a mother than a girlfriend to you. most real men would put her in her place quickly. you are going to suffer every day if you allow her to control you like that.

      get some balls and tell her to go away till she can respect you as a man not her child.

      Comment


      • #4
        At 16, you shouldn't be allowing any women to control you. It can become a habit.
        "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

        Comment


        • #5
          Your girlfriend and you both need to do a little more growing. I think what you're looking for is for others to take your side and villainize your girlfriend so that you can either gain more confidence in yourself that you should already have or feel better about your life than you currently do. The issue is that we don't know your girlfriend or all the little nuances and issues that the both of you have had in the past. A person who knows what's right and wrong or how they ought to be treated or how others ought to treat them would know in their heart what they need to do. If anything you should be discussing this with your girlfriend at length or finding a different girlfriend or not dating at all. This isn't meant to discourage you. It's meant to give you perspective on the situation as a whole. If your girlfriend is coming off as controlling, you're not giving off any sweeter scent. You're both in direct association with each other in a relationship that can't get more personal so either grow up or grow out of this relationship and move on.
          Last edited by Rose Mosse; March 8th, 2018, 10:34 AM.

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          • #6
            What should i do in order to gain 100% trust?? Is it worth it??

            Comment


            • #7
              Your need to "make friends with females" will make most women unable to trust you.

              You specifically want female friends and that is a good reason why you shouldn't commit yourself to any one chica at this time in your life.
              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by ShortAsianMofo View Post
                What should i do in order to gain 100% trust?? Is it worth it??
                You should be yourself. That's all. If she has unreasonable issues with you, you're incompatible at that age and inexperienced. You'll round out over time. For now you don't have to prove your worth to anyone or justify yourself if you haven't given anyone a reason to doubt your integrity. Stop complaining so much and leave her if you're so unhappy.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by ShortAsianMofo View Post
                  What should i do in order to gain 100% trust?? Is it worth it??
                  No one should have your password to social media or anything else.

                  But likewise no one should have to put up with a partner wanting to increase their social circle with the opposite sex.

                  You are an untrustworthy partner hence your gf's demands.

                  You don't like your gf that much so end it.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I have been friends with a Sagittarius man for 6 months but I ended it yesterday and was pretty clear about it and he still text me the next day talking about, I agree with you and I am controlling. He is also possessive but we have never been intimate. I'm just like why did you even respond. I said have a nice life and we'll have the good memories. Then he had the nerve to tell me that a few hours later. He acts like he is narcissistic though. My gut tells me I did the right thing but, he may have stalker tendencies. One night he said he was outside my door and started to knock but didn't. He also says he came by many times but turn around each time. YIKES!!!!!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Whiskey Tango Foxtrot???
                      "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Ayla View Post
                        Hi there SAM ,

                        I assume this is strongly related to the previous post you made about your girlfriend not allowing you to have female friends.
                        Since that topic has already been discussed in that thread (https://www.relationship-forums.com/...befriend-girls), I won't cover it again.

                        Here's the thing. You have a certain attitude which probably gives your girlfriend a very strong vibe that you can't be trusted. In my opinion, you're not ready to be in a serious relationship and you'd be better off being single and carefree for the next few years. You're just not in the right frame of mind and you're too curious to explore the world and expand your social circle. Your girlfriend is looking for a mature relationship, but that's something she can't find with you right now. That's where the silly demands and the controling behaviour comes from.

                        When there's trust, and when both partners have a mature attitude, the need t control each other greatly diminishes or even disappears.
                        I know my boyfriend would give me the passwords of his social media accounts if I asked... I just never ask because I have no reason to. And vice versa. As long as he doesn't give me any reason to distrust him, I will never check his social media either.
                        The fact that she asks, is a symptom of a bigger problem, a lack of trust, mature communication and transparancy.

                        Whether or not you give your girlfriend your passwords, is up to you. However, realise that as long as you don't give off the vibe that you can be trusted, the controling behaviour from her part won't stop.
                        If I were you, I'd take some time to grow up and mature before getting into another relationship. It's just not the right time.
                        This is ridiculous. They are 16 and don't need to be in serious committed relationships at all. She is likely controlling and jealous because that's what 16 year old girls are by default. No need at all for the OP to be untrustworthy for that to happen.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Radiohead1 View Post

                          This is ridiculous. They are 16 and don't need to be in serious committed relationships at all. She is likely controlling and jealous because that's what 16 year old girls are by default. No need at all for the OP to be untrustworthy for that to happen.
                          That's like saying it's ok for a 3 year old to throw a tantrum because that's what 3 year olds do.
                          What do we do with 3 year old tantrum throwers? We teach them that that is not ok or acceptable.

                          What do we do with 16 year olds behaving immaturely? The same!

                          Of course they dont need to be in a serious committed relationship. Just like a 3 year old doesn't need a given toy or another lolly.

                          16 year olds need guidance and direction just as much as when they were 3.

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