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I told my bf that I've done sexual things with my exes and he's gotten mad

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  • I told my bf that I've done sexual things with my exes and he's gotten mad

    I told my bf that I had had two sexual encounters before him (not actual sex but still quite sexual). He got mad at me and started initiating that I was dirty even though he didn't directly say that. I obviously got upset over it and stopped talking to him and avoiding all his messages/ phone calls. Then he started saying 'sorry' and that he shouldn't have said that and that he didn't mean it. After things had calmed down, I asked him if he'd ever done anything more than just kissing, like anything sexual, with other girls and he said he had. I just don't understand why he'd get mad at me if he's done the same. If anything I thought he'd be more understanding. I'm confused. Is there something I'm missing here or was he just being completely unreasonable.

  • #2
    it is very dangerous discussing past relationships with your current lover. any guy that probes my past hits a brick wall of taboo. your past sexual experience should be guarded well. i only will discuss my past sexual experiences with close girlfriends never guys as it will spread to everyone.

    unfortunately today's society reacts differently to guys than girls. guys discussing past sexual experience are considered macho and girls are considered sluts in this activity.

    your lover reacted as most people would expect a guy to do.

    learn to keep secrets about ex's in the future. he will probably distance himself from you in the near future after he finds a "nice" girl.

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    • #3
      You have to set some very clear boundaries with your boyfriend about your sexual past.
      He has no right whatsoever to react this way. Even if he appologised for it, that doesn't make it okay.
      He has proven to be untrustworthy to handle any information in a mature and calm way. So next time he asks, tell him you're not going to reply these questions just so he can verbally abuse you later. It's none of his business.

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      • #4
        I trust him (let's call my bf Harry) and I know he trusts me. He gets upset over my past because he knows that one of my exes have abused me (let's call him Jake) and the other cheated on me (let's call him Sam). Both of these exes have tried contacting me. Jake has forcefully kissed me during the two years I've been in a relationship with Harry and he's tried to get me to have sex with him on two sperate occasions (all of these times I've told Harry straight away or my family has contacted him to tell him). Sam has been constantly trying to get back in touch with me saying he wants me back even though I've blatantly told him I didn't want to. He started contacting my bf saying he's done this and that with me and that what he had with me was so much more special than what Harry has. Sam also told him that I still loved him and that I was just using Harry as a way to get over my relationship with him. Harry obviously didn't like any of that. I know he didn't mean to be harsh about it and I know he was truly sorry. He said he just didn't like the thought of me doing stuff like that with the people who hurt me. I just don't get why he'd react like that if he's done stuff too. Just for reference: We've been together for nearly two years now.

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        • #5
          because he is a man and reacted as a man would. i am surprised there has not been some fisty cuffs between the three guys over you.

          one of my ex's got me back by beating the crap out of the guy i was with and told him and others to stay away from his lady or else they would catch another beat down.

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          • #6
            They've had some extremely heated arguments over text before until Harry got fed up and blocked him all together saying that if he ever saw him in person he'd smash his face in with his fist. The other problem is that he doesn't live in my area. So he says he's scared they'll hurt me again and he won't be there to help me. He used to be really insecure as well. He showed me pictures of him in year 11 and said that he was so fat then, He has lost a lot of weight since then it's unbelievable but he always thinks that because he's not 'all that', some other boy will snatch me away from him. I told him that even if he was the same weight as when he was 16, I'd still love him because I really do find him attractive and he's got such a sweet personality. He said he isn't at his 'ideal weight'. I feel like the only reason he gets so mad over my past is that of his insecurities and him trying to be protective.but if that is the reason I want to be able to rid his mind of those thoughts and just make him happy instead of him being worried constantly over whether I'm safe or not or whether someone is going to take me away from him.

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            • #7
              Do you believe Harry is tougher than Jake if things get physically between them over your attention? If Jake did like my ex and beat up any guy that got close to you what would you do? Would you entertain Jake back into a relationship with you if he promised to be nice to you? Of the three who would you rank as the best lover?

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              • #8
                Originally posted by vamay View Post
                I trust him (let's call my bf Harry) and I know he trusts me. He gets upset over my past because he knows that one of my exes have abused me (let's call him Jake) and the other cheated on me (let's call him Sam). Both of these exes have tried contacting me. Jake has forcefully kissed me during the two years I've been in a relationship with Harry and he's tried to get me to have sex with him on two sperate occasions (all of these times I've told Harry straight away or my family has contacted him to tell him). Sam has been constantly trying to get back in touch with me saying he wants me back even though I've blatantly told him I didn't want to. He started contacting my bf saying he's done this and that with me and that what he had with me was so much more special than what Harry has. Sam also told him that I still loved him and that I was just using Harry as a way to get over my relationship with him. Harry obviously didn't like any of that. I know he didn't mean to be harsh about it and I know he was truly sorry. He said he just didn't like the thought of me doing stuff like that with the people who hurt me. I just don't get why he'd react like that if he's done stuff too. Just for reference: We've been together for nearly two years now.
                You have been with Harry for 2 years!
                Why are your exes still in the picture??
                Exactly how did jake and Sam "abuse" you??!
                One cheated. That's fine. Happens a lot in young relationships but it's not considered abuse.
                The other forcefully kissed you and tried to have sex with you twice?? How??! Were there witnesses to his , what I'm guessing you are calling attempted rape? If there were no witnesses , then why did you place yourself in a situation where you would be alone with him when you are in a relationship???
                And your current bf Harry is displaying anger issues.

                There are holes in your story.
                Please clarify exactly what contact you maintain with your exes that supposedly abused you and why?

                Harry may have insecurity issues but I suspect not as bad as yours. Help yourself first.

                Why all the drama?

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                • #9
                  This seems really unnecessary. Instead of handling your own bs you're bringing it into your private life with your current significant other. You sound like a drama queen. Just leave your exes in the past and you shouldn't be anywhere near your exes especially "Jake". The reason why your life is upside down is because you've let questionable people in.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by vamay View Post
                    I trust him (let's call my bf Harry) and I know he trusts me. He gets upset over my past because he knows that one of my exes have abused me (let's call him Jake) and the other cheated on me (let's call him Sam). Both of these exes have tried contacting me. Jake has forcefully kissed me during the two years I've been in a relationship with Harry and he's tried to get me to have sex with him on two sperate occasions (all of these times I've told Harry straight away or my family has contacted him to tell him). Sam has been constantly trying to get back in touch with me saying he wants me back even though I've blatantly told him I didn't want to. He started contacting my bf saying he's done this and that with me and that what he had with me was so much more special than what Harry has. Sam also told him that I still loved him and that I was just using Harry as a way to get over my relationship with him. Harry obviously didn't like any of that. I know he didn't mean to be harsh about it and I know he was truly sorry. He said he just didn't like the thought of me doing stuff like that with the people who hurt me. I just don't get why he'd react like that if he's done stuff too. Just for reference: We've been together for nearly two years now.
                    Why haven't you blocked and deleted your ex's so that they can't contact you?

                    Forget about why he is upset when he has a sexual history too. It doesn't matter. He's told you he's sorry that he reacted with jealousy so let it rest and don't have these kinds of conversations with him anymore. And for fk sakes, block and delete your ex asshole boyfriends so that they can't contact you anymore. Logic should have guided you to block/delete a long time ago.
                    Last edited by phasesofthemoon; March 5th, 2018, 03:16 PM.
                    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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                    • #11
                      I have deleted them. Sam's been making a fake account on fb to try and talk to me. He got blocked on one account by my bf then he made another one and started talking shit on there. The one who abused me used to be extremely violent and would try to hurt me if I did anything he didn't want to. I didn't place myself in any situation that would have made me come into contact with them. And yes there were witnesses to it. The situation happened while I was at a party., I didn't even know he was back in town. My dad filed an entire lawsuit against him but because I didn't actually get raped and most witnesses were deemed to be put too drunk (it was at a party) so they just let him off with 6 months community service.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
                        And for fk sakes, block and delete your ex asshole boyfriends so that they can't contact you anymore. Logic should have guided you to block/delete a long time ago.
                        I deleted Jake ages ago since he was my first bf. Sam I deleted and blocked on everything 2 weeks after I broke up with him because I was just fed up of all the lies. He kept trying to contact saying he was 'sorry' even when I told him I moved on. He even used this mum's phone to try and get me back, making new accounts on instagram and fb.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Maggiemay4791 View Post

                          You have been with Harry for 2 years!
                          Why are your exes still in the picture??
                          Just to clarify a lot of these things that happened with exes happened in the first year of our relationship.

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                          • #14
                            Thanks for clarifying.

                            How long have you been dating "Harry?"
                            "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
                              Thanks for clarifying.

                              How long have you been dating "Harry?"
                              It's going to be 2 years in June.

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