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  • He says he is bankrupt and now facing federal charges?

    My fiancé and I have been through a hell of a long ride….and lots of drama. Too much to go into here. But, bottom line is he says his life is destroyed. In part, he blames me.

    We had a domestic incident and he truly believes I helped get it into the news. It was expunged but his reputation was harmed. All over something that HE SAYS was truly an accident and he says he and his family think I framed him. We were arguing and I wanted to leave the house. He wouldn't let me get past the door and he yanked my bag out of my hand and it broke 2 bones. I had to have surgery.

    He was very panicked after it happened and felt terrible.... but the fact that he wouldn't let me past him was a red flag to the doctors who called police.

    He was charged etc but his family hired a pricey attorney and he got off without indictment. Again — he quickly had it expunged. We got back together after it happened, but it’s been difficult.
    He has tried to build professionally but it hasn’t taken off well. I am struggling badly watching this. I pay my own bills and some of his…but I still have a mortgage on my house I’m trying to sell. He is about to lose his house. He says he can’t afford anything anymore.

    And I just found out a lawsuit that was filed 8 years ago (with a big group — he was one of them) is not going to go away. It was professional — but it’s federal and he is one of 100 people accused of fraud.

    He just told me that they want 40 thousand dollars to settle — just from HIM. He has no money. He says if he doesn’t settle they will want 100k and he could face prison. I think that’s him being dramatic. Prison time would be insane in this situation.

    So today he blew up. he said he’s no good for me…that he isn’t good for anything. He’s broke and he would be RELIEVED if he went to prison so he had no more responsibilities. He said that I would be better off without him around and I should just go….

    He says he can’t keep up with this stressful life and ‘something’ is telling him that since he’s met me — everything in his life has gone to shit.

    He said that he tries to take steps forward but weirdly enough — since he ‘met me’ the universe won’t reward him.

    He kept on and on and on…yelling at me over the phone about this. I told him it was horrible for him to say that he should go to PRISON! he said he would like to be bankrupt….and just disappear.

    He eventually told me that he does love me but he sees a very dark future for himself. And he doesn’t understand why I won’t just leave.

    I told him I’m trying to help him — (by trying to be positive and talk him through this) and he responded with ‘….seriously? How are you helping me exactly? I need more clients. Do you bring those? NO. I need more money…do you give me that? NO. And I need to travel less— do you help me do that? NO. SO how exactly are you anything but a distraction for me?



    I’m kind of shell shocked. Can someone tell me what I should do or how I should respond??

  • #2
    Originally posted by forwatitsworth View Post
    My fiancé and I have been through a hell of a long ride….and lots of drama. Too much to go into here. But, bottom line is he says his life is destroyed. In part, he blames me.

    We had a domestic incident and he truly believes I helped get it into the news. It was expunged but his reputation was harmed. All over something that HE SAYS was truly an accident and he says he and his family think I framed him. We were arguing and I wanted to leave the house. He wouldn't let me get past the door and he yanked my bag out of my hand and it broke 2 bones. I had to have surgery.

    He was very panicked after it happened and felt terrible.... but the fact that he wouldn't let me past him was a red flag to the doctors who called police.

    He was charged etc but his family hired a pricey attorney and he got off without indictment. Again — he quickly had it expunged. We got back together after it happened, but it’s been difficult.
    He has tried to build professionally but it hasn’t taken off well. I am struggling badly watching this. I pay my own bills and some of his…but I still have a mortgage on my house I’m trying to sell. He is about to lose his house. He says he can’t afford anything anymore.

    And I just found out a lawsuit that was filed 8 years ago (with a big group — he was one of them) is not going to go away. It was professional — but it’s federal and he is one of 100 people accused of fraud.

    He just told me that they want 40 thousand dollars to settle — just from HIM. He has no money. He says if he doesn’t settle they will want 100k and he could face prison. I think that’s him being dramatic. Prison time would be insane in this situation.

    So today he blew up. he said he’s no good for me…that he isn’t good for anything. He’s broke and he would be RELIEVED if he went to prison so he had no more responsibilities. He said that I would be better off without him around and I should just go….

    He says he can’t keep up with this stressful life and ‘something’ is telling him that since he’s met me — everything in his life has gone to shit.

    He said that he tries to take steps forward but weirdly enough — since he ‘met me’ the universe won’t reward him.

    He kept on and on and on…yelling at me over the phone about this. I told him it was horrible for him to say that he should go to PRISON! he said he would like to be bankrupt….and just disappear.

    He eventually told me that he does love me but he sees a very dark future for himself. And he doesn’t understand why I won’t just leave.

    I told him I’m trying to help him — (by trying to be positive and talk him through this) and he responded with ‘….seriously? How are you helping me exactly? I need more clients. Do you bring those? NO. I need more money…do you give me that? NO. And I need to travel less— do you help me do that? NO. SO how exactly are you anything but a distraction for me?



    I’m kind of shell shocked. Can someone tell me what I should do or how I should respond??
    Shell shocked?? I hardly doubt that!

    You posted the same thing months ago and received plenty of good advice which you clearly ignored.
    And now you wonder why you are still in the same situation and still not married I see!?
    obviously that's never going to happen.
    Why are you wasting your time and money on a loser (who incidentally doesn't care for you in the slightest) ?

    Fraud is a serious crime. He wouldn't be asked to pay if they couldn't prove his guilt. He is guilty. What did he do with the money he conned out of others? And he is still conning people out of money , you!
    Prison is not insane in his situation. If he can't face the consequence of a fine, the courts will make a consequence. Ie prison.
    And he deserves it.

    I hope he goes to prison only so that you are physically removed from him and that you can work on emotionally removing yourself from him.

    No you are not helping him. He is right there. You are annoying him only.
    Your "positivity" would annoy me too unless you were coming up with constructive criticism that is productive.
    He doesn't want to discuss it with you because it's non productive.

    Bottom line is that you are not compatible. And that possibly does make his situation worse in his eyes.

    So, what are you going to do? You have had months to mull over it.

    Comment


    • #3
      he said he’s no good for me
      I agree with him. Don't attach your life raft to a sinking ship.
      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

      Comment


      • #4
        dump this animal that injured you physically as well as emotionally. this guy is a loser that will never make you happy. there are so many good guys around don't waste your time on him.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Maggiemay4791 View Post

          Shell shocked?? I hardly doubt that!

          You posted the same thing months ago and received plenty of good advice which you clearly ignored.

          So, what are you going to do? You have had months to mull over it.
          Seriously? Really/ Months ago? (I missed it) you really have no reason to come ask advice if you didn't listen the first time. And months? Jesus
          There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. People who do not experience self-love have little or no capacity to love others.

          Comment


          • #6
            so creepy that people do this trolling

            Comment


            • #7
              I am not a troll.unfortunately this is my life...and my scenario...I have failed to leave him -- that's on me. But this problem is new...and it's real. I appreciate the feedback.

              Comment


              • #8
                Well, it's been two days since you last posted. You mentioned you were shell-shocked. Have you recovered? What are your own thoughts on this?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by forwatitsworth View Post
                  I am not a troll.unfortunately this is my life...and my scenario...I have failed to leave him -- that's on me. But this problem is new...and it's real. I appreciate the feedback.
                  You need professional therapy to help you to believe that you deserve better then him. Stop neglecting your emotional health and get started with a counselor so you have a fighting chance to break your unhealthy and emotional damaging addiction to the human douche you THINK you are unable to leave.
                  "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I actually have a therapist and I know she is getting sick of my on again and off again mentality... she recognizes that everything I do -- is pretty much based on HIS schedule and whatever is happening in our lives.

                    I think it's just tough because I am probably addicted to him ..and the drama... I suppose. I am so into our lives... and the 'idea' of us..

                    How does one leave? I guess it's just cold turkey? Disappearing?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by forwatitsworth View Post
                      I actually have a therapist and I know she is getting sick of my on again and off again mentality... she recognizes that everything I do -- is pretty much based on HIS schedule and whatever is happening in our lives.

                      I think it's just tough because I am probably addicted to him ..and the drama... I suppose. I am so into our lives... and the 'idea' of us..

                      How does one leave? I guess it's just cold turkey? Disappearing?
                      He's broken up with you. Stop talking to him. You can't quit smoking if you keep having a drag off of a cigarette and you'll NEVER get to the stage of indifference to him when you're obsessive about him like you are. Put an elastic band around your wrist and everytime you think about this douche, snap that band hard and change the subject of him from your head. That's called aversion therapy and if your current therapist isn't helping you to stop your obsession then try a new one. It often takes firing one or two before you mesh with one.
                      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        No he's said he is leaving me...but he's not. He does this as a form of emotional warfare i think! He says he just wants to see me happy and thinks I'm not with him... and he will wake up the next day (like today) and tell me he loves me and can't live without me...




                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by forwatitsworth View Post
                          No he's said he is leaving me...but he's not. He does this as a form of emotional warfare i think! He says he just wants to see me happy and thinks I'm not with him... and he will wake up the next day (like today) and tell me he loves me and can't live without me...



                          Okay, so it doesn't matter what advice you get, you're just going to whine about it over and over again and not do anything about it. If you're not going to leave him and make it so he can't contact you and hoover you back for more emotional/psychological abuse then get therapy to help you to be able to not give a shit what he says and you learn how to laugh in his face at his threats.

                          Not much else to tell you, *forwatitsworth*
                          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                          Comment

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