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The Mancave

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  • The Mancave

    My man retreats under stress. Usually with no warning. He will be normal and talking to me one day then fm drop off the face of the earth the next. He doesnít want to speak and responds to texts with one word. So I stop all communication and wait. The problem is, when he comes back he wants to move on like nothing happened. It usually lasts 4-7 days. I am not ok with that. I would prefer he say ďIím sorry I have been out of communication, I was dealing with something that stressed me out and I didnít fell like talking.. Iím sorry if it hurt you but I am back now and I want to spend time with you againĒ
    I am just not able to pretend it never happened. He has hardly spoken to me in a week. I have put absolutely no pressure on him. my friend died this week and he doesnít even know bc the little communication we have had has been all about him and his stress. He has not asked me one single thing about me. It seems terribly selfish to me. Not sure how to handle this.

  • #2
    How about handling it this way. Tell him, "Honey, I would love for you to say something like this when you don't contact me for a week:"

    ďIím sorry I have been out of communication, I was dealing with something that stressed me out and I didnít fell like talking.. Iím sorry if it hurt you but I am back now and I want to spend time with you againĒ
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      Not sure how to handle this.
      Next time he goes into his cave, seal it and don't look back.
      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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      • #4
        Ridiculous. This is just a relationship out of convenience OR your relationship isn't what you think it is. What does he do for work that he's so stressed? It seems to me like he's dealing with something else you don't know about and you may be so wrapped up and annoyed with him you haven't tried to dig deeper. Is he living with anyone else or alone?

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        • #5
          Whether he lives alone or in a commune of 100 people, he's not a good partner and I'm surprised that the Op has put up with that kind of treatment past the second time he did it to her.

          OP, Look after your emotional health: Dump him and find someone that doesn't cause you to ask strangers on the internet how to change him.

          How long have you enabled him to do this to you (how long have you enabled him to be an asshole that shows you over and over again that he doesn't value you or give a care about how is treatment affects you?)
          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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          • #6
            Op you say you have given him space and not pressured him each and everytime. And you say it as if that's a good thing.
            Why?

            You are enabling his behaviour because there are no consequences.

            Sorry to hear your friend died. Who has been your support through this?
            Because if a partner can't be there for you during times like this then you need to really question why you are with him?

            When he comes out of the man cave do not respond to him at all until he gives you an explanation and sincere apology for his disappearance. Otherwise he will never even consider how his actions affect you.
            He is clearly very self centred and until he acknowledges this then you will always remain in a one sided relationship, having to attend important events and apologising for his absence even though he won't apologise to you.

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