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Long distance relationship - am I still part of her life

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  • Long distance relationship - am I still part of her life

    Hi so me and my girlfriend have been dating for nearly 3 years, and this year I had to leave uni and start work whilst she was still at uni , at first I was fine with the distance as we had arranged to see each other as much as we could. However these last few months she has seemed distant, cold and disinterested.

    last month she had exams so she hd to study so we didn't see each other for about a month. We finally saw each other about two weeks ago and I expected us to be all over each other as it had been about 2 months since we had sex, which was strange as we had seen each other in those two months. However, we were not, she seemed like she hd other things on her mind and i felt that I'm not enough for her anymore or that she doesn't find me attractive anymore.

    Now I won't see her for another few weeks and it feels like I'm the one making all of the effort and she doesn't care if she sees me or not as she is 'busy' with over things I feel that I'm not part of her life and that our lack of physical intimacy is worrying.

    i don't know whether to feel like she is seeing someone else or just genuinely doesn't want to be with me, I could really use a female perspective on this to tell me if this sort of thing is normal (the lack of physical contact) or if I'm just being paranoid and abit stupid ?

  • #2
    Why did you have to leave the university? That's a pretty major change. Perhaps it had an effect on her feelings for you. It would help to know the reason you left.

    Other than that, I think 'out of sight/out of mind' started to set in. She gained some personal freedom with your being gone and my guess is she started liking it. She's now too busy with her new life for you to have any huge part in it.

    This is all just speculation, of course. The only way for you to find out is to sit down with her and have an honest conversation about where you are.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


    • #3
      Hi I finished my course and had a job offer


      • #4
        Well, when you got the job offer, was there any discussion between the two of you of having a future together? Did you talk to her about wanting to be with her? Or transferring to a different university? It seems you've left out some significant information.
        "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


        • #5
          Yeah we had a discussion about staying together at the time she didn't want time to leave but saw it as a good opportunity for me we have never expressed feelings of doubt or regret and no I wouldn't make her transfer as she has freinds and commitments that's not fair


          • #6
            In a long term relationship (as you already know), there are ups and downs... men and women both have times in their lives where they're not chipper all the time and even a stressful work environment or a small medical issue or home-related stress can play a large part in the build up of stress. At three years you should know her well enough to take the good with the bad. If you believe this is workable and you have faith, what are your suspicions? Realistically?


            • #7
              Why didn't you ask HER what was going on instead of asking us? We couldn't possibly know what is going on in her head. Tell her your fears and let the chips fall where they may.

              Keep in mind that no matter how stressed she may be, she should be mature enough to communicate to you why she's being a cold fish when she should be, after not seeing you for two months, be all over you and glad you are wrapped up in one another.

              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!