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Should I give up or keep waiting?

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  • Should I give up or keep waiting?

    Hey all,
    ive been with my girlfriend or ex girlfriend for almost a year now but couple months ago I told her something which I think made her feel different about me.
    Before I had got to meet her I have been married, yes I know I am young but this happened when I went for a visit to my motherland.
    i wouldn’t really say I was forced into marrying this girl who I don’t even know because eventually I agreed to the marriage.
    When I say eventually I mean for atleast 2 whole weeks I was getting pressured into getting married by relatives the more I say no the more they will ask me. I finally said yes to it but I honestly wasn’t happy, I came back to the uk thinking to myself what have I done but I thought to myself maybe I can make it work out since I am already married, but that lasted a week and I knew she wasn’t the one for me.
    Right about now I am divorced which we will get back to.
    So after I had given up trying to make things work as I clearly didn’t want it in the first place I had met a girl. Immediately we felt a connection and started dating, so let’s give her a name now, let’s see ... erm Emma? Sounds like a good name.
    So me and Emma have been dating for several months now and things where going great and honestly I think she was the one.
    We were like the perfect match for each other I’ve been introduced to most of her family and they all love me but I couldn’t introduce her to mine.
    So recentl I have told her that I am married well at that time I still was, I was going through a lot at home and thought to myself I will never truly be happy unless I’m honest. So she was really shocked when she found out and she wanted a break and space from me which I gave her.
    Its been 2 months now we don’t see each other or even speak.
    I recently got divorced and I have mentioned this to Emma but all she says is she’s going through a lot at home and needs to sort her home life and financial life out and doesn’t really want to talk about things between us now, I think she still needs space but my concern is she wants to end things. Everytime I ask her what she wants she keeps saying she doesn’t know, a lot of times she still told me she loves me and does see a future with me but right now she needs to sort her life out. I want to believe that but I can’t, I messed up big time by not being honest to her in the first place so she’s got every right to fully end things between us but it seems like she doesn’t want that either.
    So right now I don’t know what is going on as we don’t even speak or see each other.
    Is there anything I can do to win her back or is my relationship completely over?
    Many thanks Jamie.

  • #2
    Jamie, I think it's pretty standard that you deceived her, the ball's in her court and she's not batting back. Period. Do you feel like the loss of this relationship is worse because it means your divorce was for nothing? Or do you still stand by your divorce?

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    • #3
      Unfortunately, once you lie to a person, it's one and done. I know it's a cruel blow to you but you need to look at it from the other person's point of view. They fear you'll lie again. That is the crux of the matter. All you can do is learn from this negative experience and tell the truth in the future for the next woman in your life. Life's lessons are awfully harsh but it's the best way to learn. I'm sorry.
      "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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      • #4
        You kept a massive secret from her.
        It's up to her to decide whether she can recover from that.
        Don't bother her. Like Rose said, the ball's in her court. Leave it up to her.
        You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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