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How to get a relationship back on track - give me your best advice!

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  • How to get a relationship back on track - give me your best advice!

    Hey forum gods,

    I posted a topic yesterday regarding my failing relationship and have come to the conclusion that I'm gonna give it one last try.

    So please, give me your best advice on how to really grow and nurture your relationship! How do you get back on track after a fight? How do you stay together for better and for worse? What's your best advice for a young couple?

    Kisses x

  • #2
    Compromise. Compromise. Compromise.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      What Sarah said (100%) + COMMUNICATION......TRUST........FAITH
      The definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.

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      • #4
        My advice:

        If you're truly sorry what was said during a heated argument whether verbally (phone, in-person) or via text or email, you need to meet your significant other (SO) in-person, swallow your pride, check your ego at the door, BE HUMBLE, admit your mistakes, say, "I'm sorry . . ." and apologize sincerely.

        In my previous relationship (a distant relative in my case - - not romantic), this person said, "I misunderstood . . . " Note no apology there. Another doozie was, "I'm sorry you took it the wrong way . . ." Here is more: "I'm sorry you felt that way . . . " Those are ALL WRONG RESPONSES which only infuriate the person listening or reading those lines. Those types of responses deflect the wrongdoing from them onto you which is typical gaslighting btw. I despise those replies because it's dishonest, tricky, sneaky and insincere. I despise deceitful people to the core.

        Humility is key when you wish to make amends with anyone and everyone. You have to be the bigger person, take the higher road and admit wrongdoing. If both parties always wait for the other person to always initiate amends, then tension and awkwardness will always be in the air. In my past, I've had to apologize and say something such as, "I'm sorry for everything I've said in the past and I wish I could take it back." This expression is humble, very remorseful, true and extremely sincere. Something to that effect is as sincere as I could get and you have to really mean it, too.

        There were cases where the other party was either too prideful to apologize OR refused to see wrongdoing on their part. Worse yet, they truly felt whatever they've said was not a big deal no matter how much it hurt me. They simply forgot and picked up right where we left off which still leaves me steamed to this day. They'll forever expect you to back down and apologize even though you know in your heart that they've aimed daggers at you and said nasty words to you. I've been in those types of relationships and in my case, in order to keep the peace I apologized even though to this day, I am quite bitter and resentful regarding what they've said to me. They've never made it right by admitting their wrongdoing and apologizing to me. In my case, the question was, "Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?" I chose to be happy for overall peace's sake. Here's the kicker though: I immediately enforced new, healthy boundaries with these people. I am peaceful but I'm no longer naive, gullible and not quite so nice and generous with my heart as in the past. I'm still polite and civil but my heart is no longer warm towards them. I'm well-mannered and respectful towards them albeit frosty. It was a real game changer for me.

        My best advice to get back on track is to be humble, admit what you said or did was wrong, say, "I'm sorry" sincerely and keep in mind, it takes time, sometimes a long time to build up trust again. Actions speak louder than words. Behave honorably permanently and eventually the person you're sorry at will come around. Think before you speak and write otherwise you'll regret it later. If you are local to your partner, refrain from overdoing it with text, email, phone calls. In-person is best. Too much communication can backfire. Too much communication causes boredom and emotional, angry outbursts set in. In some cases, absence makes the heart grow fonder. You make yourself more desirable by creating some aura of mystery. Don't allow your relationship to grow boring and dull from spilling out everything about you to the greatest detail. Don't give too much of yourself away. Be independent and self-confident instead of clingy. There is nothing more attractive in a male or female than self-confidence and independence. That is the draw.

        Regarding worse: It depends on how bad the infractions and transgressions were. If it's minor and fairly forgivable then do as I advised. If not, professional counseling. If not therapy and if you're truly incompatible due to personality and character differences, then it's time to dissolve a hopeless relationship.

        "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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        • #5
          Wow, Chanelle, you nail it! Notice the common thread with everyone here. YOU have to look within. YOU have to be the one to make the change. Nothing kills a relationship faster than pride, and stubbornness.
          You have to be the bigger person wither you're right or wrong. Chanelle said you can be right or you can be happy. For now be happy, HOWEVER, take note of how things are between you two. If the two of you
          are constantly fighting, or she's doing stuff that get's under your skin. Make it known if she blowing up at you and again you find yourself having to apologize and she doesn't, it's time to get into a raft and
          let that ship sink. You will not be happy on that boat long term. Just a thought.

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          • #6
            Like I said in your other thread... You alone cannot fix this so unless and until he is willing to also do things to get your relationship back on track, you are wasting your time.

            As I said before:
            You're trying to make a dysfunctional relationship into a functional one when only one of you is doing anything to try and make it functional.
            Don't let your codependency keep you there only to end up resentful and feeling even more lonely then if you were actually single.
            "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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            • #7
              Adding to above:
              When he's not at work he's either asleep or he's on his PS4 playing games.
              Before you can do anything to get your relationship to be what you want it to be, HE needs to give up his gaming addiction. Do you think you can get him to do that?
              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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              • #8
                I think your biggest focus should always be your relationship with yourself and your internal dialogue regarding your desires, goals and how you want to live, what new experiences you're open to. Romantic relationships are always secondary and in the close peripheral. I wouldn't suggest ever developing your relationship as the center of your life. A person who respects and understands what he or she can give to the relationship and knows his or her limits is better able to give openly and draw limitations where necessary. Clarity in yourself is important. There's a trickle down effect towards everything else in your life.

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                • #9
                  When he complains about cat hair on the couch, what do you do? Clean it or hand him the vacuum cleaner?

                  When he tells you to stop acting like his mom, what do you do? Stop nagging him to tidy up after himself and don't cook dinner?

                  When he asks you to send a photo to prove who you are with, do you??

                  Why did you move in with him? And why sign a lease that's longer than the time you had been together for? Did you mistake playing house for committment? Did you mistake controlling behaviour for love?

                  He is not invested in this relationship, so there is nothing to nurture.

                  So either walk on eggshells for ten months or break the lease.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Maggiemay4791 View Post
                    When he complains about cat hair on the couch, what do you do? Clean it or hand him the vacuum cleaner?

                    When he tells you to stop acting like his mom, what do you do? Stop nagging him to tidy up after himself and don't cook dinner?

                    When he asks you to send a photo to prove who you are with, do you??

                    Why did you move in with him? And why sign a lease that's longer than the time you had been together for? Did you mistake playing house for committment? Did you mistake controlling behaviour for love?

                    He is not invested in this relationship, so there is nothing to nurture.

                    So either walk on eggshells for ten months or break the lease.
                    Snap!
                    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                    Comment

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