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Commitment issues and cheating urge

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  • Commitment issues and cheating urge

    Hi there,

    Me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years and shes an overseas student. Shes coming to the end of her studies and her visa will expire in two months, when shell need to return to her home country. I have to make the decision to marry her or say goodbye. I want to stay together but Im not ready for marriage so weve decided that we could legally get married so she could stay in the country and do the wedding ceremony stuff later on down the line when we are ready. Great, all sorted... but theres a few problems...

    Im not sure if Im ready to be with one person for the rest of my life, I seem to be clinging onto as-pects of the single life that I cant shake off. One part of this is that I cant stop thinking about having sex with other more beautiful women, almost every day I have this urge and whatever I do I cant stop thinking about it. Before our relationship I had very little (almost none) experience in the bedroom and now Ive become confident and experienced I have the urge to be promiscuous and get the single life out of my system, however I absolutely dont want to break up with her. We have regular sex and its great but very often I fantasize about other women while were doing it. I did some research on this and found its quite common so it doesnt worry me too much. I love her and in the three years weve been together Ive never once cheated, but now I feel that I might, if the opportunity present-ed itself. I suppose I dont feel as attracted to her as I did at the beginning and shes definitely not what my ideal dream woman would look like. Shes got a perfect personality and ticks pretty much every other box apart from physical appearance. Im quite a perfectionist so Im wondering if Im just being irrational and unrealistic. We could get married (legally for now) but as Ive got these doubts, feelings and urges now, is it a good idea? This is preventing me from fully committing and I have to make a decision in the next few days.

    The other issue is that Im worried about losing my freedom and space, and I might be 31 (shes 29) but Im not ready to settle down and go down the mortgage and kids route for at least another 3 years+.

    This has been stressing me out for months and I just need some guidance and advice from anyone whos been in a similar situation. Any help would be massively appreciated.


  • #2
    Don't get married. It's unfair to the poor girl. Sow your wild oats and when you're ready to settle down, tie the knot then.
    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."


    • #3
      Tell her to go home because you're not ready to be man yet and want to spend a few years using women for your personal pleasure. Then ask her to contact you in a few years when you imagine you'll be ready to start being an adult.


      • #4
        You should be the one going back to school and learning some manners. Let your girlfriend go and grow up.


        • #5
          You're not doing your gf any favors by marrying her in your current state of mind.

          Let her go home, and the relationship and get whatever you have out of your system. Don't make committments you can't keep.
          You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf


          • #6
            It would be a huge mistake for you to marry her just to keep her in your country. Even if she didn't have a visa issue, you say you would most likely be unfaithful if the situation presented itself.

            I don't care how many boxes she ticks with you. If you can't be faithful, and if you're constantly thinking about wanting sex with other women, it's best to end it now and let her go back to her home and find someone who can be 100% committed to her.
            "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay