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Husband wants to watch me with someone else is a fantasy

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  • Husband wants to watch me with someone else is a fantasy

    my husband and I have been married for 32 years and now are proud empty nesters. Our two children are on their own and independent (yay). In the past week my husband let me know that he would really like to pursue a fantasy that he and I had role played a few times over the past many years. Seems we would find this fantasy for a few days and then months would go by without that being a topic of our pillow talk or role playing. More off then on. Either way it was fun fantasy, one I even enjoyed but just fantasy. Now he wants me to consider it for real. I love my husband and can not imagine being apart from him and want him to be happy in every way possible but I worry turning this from fantasy to reality might have an impact. I will also admit that having a young man that might be different downstairs (not necessarily bigger) is an exciting prospect as a fantasy. But I worry about our relationship afterwards if I did this for him

    any experiences from my new friends here that would suggest one way or the other?
    Last edited by Dfull; February 20th, 2018, 10:39 PM.

  • #2
    A more common question that you may think. I admit to having this fantasy, and even to watching my woman with another guy. You have to be sure that the guy is a trusted friend who isn't needy and who won't fall in love.

    There are a number of reasons a man might want to do this. Some men are "cuckolds" and enjoy humiliation. Not my cup of tea, but to each his own. For me, it was more like wanting to share what I have with someone I care about - to let him enjoy the experience. There is even a supposed biological basis for why some men might want to watch their wives with another person - "sperm envy". Icky name for an unconscious desire for one's own seed to defeat another's.

    Whatever the reasons, be careful and be open.

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    • #3
      I think you're coming from the wrong frame of mind to be honest.
      You're saying you'd consider doing this for him... That's not a good reason to consider his request and will only lead to drama.
      Ask yourself if you want to do this for you as well.
      If you both have the same desire and neither of you is doing it just to please the other, it's worth considering.

      Be careful though to talk things through before you go down that path. Talk about every possible scenario and the pro's and cons.
      Do you ask a friend, or do you look for a stranger? Weigh out the benefits and risks of each approach.
      Talk about what happens if one of you feels uncomfortable during the experience. Give each other a safe word to use when things get too intense and one of you wants to end the experience.
      Be clear up front about the things you are both allowed to do at the time, and thigns which are off limits, and be very specific. (kissing, giving/receiving oral sex, penetration, anal sex, cuddling afterwards, staying in touch with this person, ...)
      Talk to your husband about the way he wants to be involved and how you want/need him to be involved.

      There are a lot of factors at play here. I personally wouldn't even do it because the risk of it damaging your relationship is undeniable. No matter how hard you prepare these things, something might always happen that nobody could foresee.
      You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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      • #4
        Hot wifing, it's not as uncommon as many would think in fact its a pretty common practice across todays marital landscape
        There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. People who do not experience self-love have little or no capacity to love others.

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        • #5
          One thing... If you're going to do this do NOT do it with a friend who you will see often. If you are at all the type to fall for who is pounding away on you then doing this with someone you know could turn into a disaster of screwed up emotions and confusing lust with love.

          Best to do it with a willing male partner that won't hang around afterwards. Play safe and always ensure he wears a rubber. Make sure you have boundaries and rules in place that neither of you will cross. For instance, no contacting your cuckholder for private sessions without your husband present... that would be cheating.

          That being said... DO NOT do it at all if you have your doubts and you're not doing it because you absolutely want to as much as your hubby wants you to.
          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

          Comment


          • #6
            Have some boundaries and expectations in place. Figure out how you're going to find the third party and for how long you want this to last and what you can and can't do with each other (all three of you). The time frame is critical or you can come to an agreement to try it out once (make the third party aware of that), see if you like it, and then decide from there how long you want it to continue. Don't leave any room for assumptions or misinterpretations. You're going to be setting the rules because you both have the most to lose (your marriage and your long term relationship and its trust). Worrying about someone else's nether regions should be the least of your worries and it'll be something you all decide after the first try. Establish that he is free of STDs (has a copy of clean bill of health up to the last 6 months or insist that you all get get tested individually to make it unanimous).

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Ayla View Post
              I think you're coming from the wrong frame of mind to be honest.
              You're saying you'd consider doing this for him... That's not a good reason to consider his request and will only lead to drama.
              Ask yourself if you want to do this for you as well.
              If you both have the same desire and neither of you is doing it just to please the other, it's worth considering.

              Be careful though to talk things through before you go down that path. Talk about every possible scenario and the pro's and cons.
              Do you ask a friend, or do you look for a stranger? Weigh out the benefits and risks of each approach.
              Talk about what happens if one of you feels uncomfortable during the experience. Give each other a safe word to use when things get too intense and one of you wants to end the experience.
              Be clear up front about the things you are both allowed to do at the time, and thigns which are off limits, and be very specific. (kissing, giving/receiving oral sex, penetration, anal sex, cuddling afterwards, staying in touch with this person, ...)
              Talk to your husband about the way he wants to be involved and how you want/need him to be involved.

              There are a lot of factors at play here. I personally wouldn't even do it because the risk of it damaging your relationship is undeniable. No matter how hard you prepare these things, something might always happen that nobody could foresee.
              I with you on most of this, but the part about doing something "for him". There's nothing wrong with doing something sexual for your partner's pleasure even though you don't get anything out of it other than knowing you pleased your partner... BJs would not exist. That said, all the considerations you listed are real, and she shouldn't do it just because she felt pressured.

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              • #8
                All, thank you for the various considerations and suggestions. A couple of things that I’m not comfortable with would be engaging with one of his friends or our friends with this experience. I think it would be very awkward before, during and after we made love. I would think that if it didn’t work well we would lose a friend and possibly worse if it did go well. How easy would it be to try and repeat another session without my husband and as you pointed out that would be cheating. The other is the fear of a STD from a stranger. Thank you for the suggestions on having a “bill of health”. To be completely honest, I think the idea is exciting but again I worry about our relationship and intimacy once I’ve let someone else in and do I tell him he felt better, bigger or do I tell my husband he is? I have tried to read a few non-pornographic documents on the topic, they suggest that humiliation is a key part of the experience but I’ve never received any suggestion that he would be turned on by that. Thanks for the conversation and I apologize for my malformed title. I was nervous!!! First post!

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                • #9
                  Oh and i love giving my husband a BJ. He tastes wonderful and I love making him feel good!

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                  • #10
                    I wouldn't say that humiliation is key. It might be for some, but it doesn't seem like it with your husband. I really think he just wants the experience of seeing you with other guys. You'd better ask him, because cuckolding and hot wifeing are not the same thing.

                    Good luck, and let us know how it turns out, okay?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by From Outer Space View Post
                      You'd better ask him, because cuckolding and hot wifeing are not the same thing.
                      Spaceman is right, perhaps you should read up on the two so you know what you are getting into. And the difference between the two because as a practice in time I could see one morphing into the other.

                      There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. People who do not experience self-love have little or no capacity to love others.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Iíve now in the past week seen what I think is both and they both seem to have elements of cuckolding in them. One is probably more istronger then the other. Itís funny but I am mid fiftyís, I donít see myself as a hot wife. I am very average in every category not like any of these hot wives on the internet. I guess my next conversation with him when he brings it up is if he has any bi or sub fantasies too!

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                        • #13
                          Two things: Hey, I'm just a little bit older than you and I find hot-wifing appealing. Secondly, most of the hot wives you see on the Internet are not "real" people. They're eye candy to get you to click on something.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Dfull View Post
                            Iíve now in the past week seen what I think is both and they both seem to have elements of cuckolding in them. One is probably more istronger then the other. Itís funny but I am mid fiftyís, I donít see myself as a hot wife. I am very average in every category not like any of these hot wives on the internet. I guess my next conversation with him when he brings it up is if he has any bi or sub fantasies too!
                            First off, I think those are great questions to ask him. Secondly, u could be a Ďhot wifeí to somebody, maybe a mature woman or a cougar. Personally, if I were single and was asked to partic. Iíd prob decline bc u guys r married, but I guess it would depend on the circumstances. My guess is if u were both game to do this Iíd prob go on Plenty of Fish or OkCupid dating sites.
                            Last edited by CD da man; February 24th, 2018, 04:45 PM.

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                            • #15
                              I feel half way to being a hot wife already! Just need a hot man now. Lol
                              Last edited by Dfull; February 24th, 2018, 06:58 PM.

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