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Cant Trust Girlfriend Anymore****

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  • Cant Trust Girlfriend Anymore****

    This is my first time posting, usually I dont ask for help online but I have no where else to go. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 6 months. She is my first girlfriend and I really care about her and I am her first boyfriend.

    On the second date my girlfriend told me she ALMOST had sex with someone who she was not in a relationship with. This was the first and only person she ever had any sexual contact with. At the time I was angry and confused because she seemed like a very innocent girl and a genuinely good girl.

    I told her a couple times that it bothered me how she could give herself to someone who she was not in a relationship with but we never talked about the details.

    3 months went by and one night I couldn't take it anymore and asked her to tell me the truth and she said she gave him a blowjob at her house. It crushed me because she lied to me and told me she I was the only person she ever gave a blowiob to. The fact that she lied hurt more than anything because I trusted her to the core and she lied to my face.

    That same night she told me that they tried having sex but his penis just wouldnt go in. They tried for 10min but it wasn't going in. So I thought atleast im going to be her first.

    Later I find out it was a actually a friends with benefits relationship and that they met up 4 times. First time they made out only because she wasn't ready for anything. Second and third time she gave him a blowiob. Last time they tried having sex. It sounds bad but she really is a good girl. She said he always pressured her. She is naive and innocent i feel she got tricked. At the same time her dumb friends were trying to convince her that it was ok. She met him 4 times in a month and a half and ended it after she realised what was really going on. She even broke down one night and told him that she needed more then a fwb but he just kept dodging it so she ended it and has never looked back

    ^This is what she told me. I dont trust her anymore thought because she lied so many times about this story. Every time its a different story.

    She said she told this guy she liked him, but he just used her. She said she asked him many times if this fwb relationship could go anywhere and he kept saying " im not sure we will see".

    The last time they met up she said when she left his house she was done. She told him to not contact her anymore. She said she felt very uncomfortable and out of place and that if they met up again she would actually lose her virginity. She said she realised he was just using her. So she ended it.

    Now were together and everything else is perfect. We are very compatible. Ive even talked about marrying this girl. But her past bothers me so much because I was her friend while it was happening. I didnt know about it but I saw her regularly just as friends. Also because she lied so many times.

    She keeps saying I hate thinking about this and that she doesnt remember when I ask her.

    What should I do? I really care about this girl but I cant trust this girl because she keeps lieng. This girl cares about me so much. She changed her whole life to accommodate mine. She doesn't smoke, drink or do any drugs. She never wears slutty clothes. Shes never been to a club. She is smart, ambitious and a very sweet girl. She does alot for me. Ive said some extremely harsh things to her and shes still with me. These are the reasons why I cant leave her. But please someone help me. How can I trust her and get over this or should I leaver her and face the music.

  • #2
    Trust doesn’t happen overnight. How old are you guys? I’m guessing that you’re both young and maybe you think you’re in love, very well could be but she probably isn’t. If she’s having feelings for a guy who’s using her for sexual gratification I’d have to question her motives. I don’t doubt that she’s a ‘good girl’ as u say, but sometimes they r attracted to the wrong guy(s), usually the opposites. That won’t last in the long run. If she is who you say she is give her another chance and re-establish trust. Then if u catch her lying or cheating again u need to end it and at least u tried to make it work. Good luck!

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    • #3
      From my understanding, she didn't cheat on him. The OP is insecure about his girlfriend's past sexual relationship and is unable to cope with omissions of truth or lies surrounding the nature of her previous sexual relationship.

      I think, Ksp, the reason why she feels she has to dodge your annoying questions with omissions and lies is most likely because you come across as a very small-minded and judgmental person. Look at the language you're using to describe her. You're entitled to your opinion, of course, but if I were you, try checking your language and the way you objectify her as a "pure" or "good girl". Just because you're a virgin does not mean the woman you lose your virginity to or spend the rest of your life with has to be a virgin. If she has misled you with the truth in the past your bigger question is to ask yourself why she felt she had to do it when she's supposed to be with the one person she can trust. Perhaps you are just not trustworthy or accepting of the truth. You need to uncover why you are so insecure and why it means so much to you that she preserves and maintains the image and notion of the "good girl".
      Last edited by Rose Mosse; February 18th, 2018, 09:38 PM.

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      • #4
        I agree with Rose.

        I wouldn't have told you the truth either if I was her. You're incapable of hearing the truth like a grown-up.

        You can not, I repeat, CAN NOT blame your girlfriend for actions that happened before you two met. And if you keep reaction with such resentment, anger and judgement, you can never expect her to tell the truth either.
        Your girlfriend didn't crawl out of a cave when she met you. She was single and did things single girls in their sexual prime do. Get your head out of the dark ages and grow up. GOOD girls have sex too. Sex isn't a bad thing, or something to be ashamed of, but somehow you've already convinced your gf that she doesn have to be ashamed of having experimented before she met you. To follow your faulty logic, If being a *good girl* implies being frigide and prudish, she in theory wouldn't have sex with you either. I'm guessing that's not what you want either.
        You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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        • #5
          ^This is what she told me. I dont trust her anymore thought because she lied so many times about this story. Every time its a different story.
          Mind your own business. If you can't take the truth then you shouldn't be asking the question(s).

          If you want to stay with this girl then you better google "retroactive jealousy" and take the course that will get you past it. You're ruining any emotional connection you had with your immature thought process about her past which she can't change.
          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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          • #6
            Seriously? Stop being an asshole!

            So what if she sucked a guys willy lol
            Why does it sound so bad to you??

            Lets say it doesn't work out between you, which lets face it, it won't as long as you keep punishing her for something she did before she was with you , are you in the future going to check with every girl if they have sucked a willy before deciding to date them? Even when you are 30? Eternally seeking a "pure" "good" girl?

            You are being so prudish and judgemental. If I was her I would lie to you too!
            If you can't handle the truth then don't ask questions. It's none of your business anyway.

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