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  • Our love language is completely different. I miss physical intimacy.

    I know, it's so cliché. My wife and I are incompatible in our love language, she feels loved when I do thoughtful things for her (which I *try* to do often). I am a romantic, physical expressions of love is how I feel connected. We have never had this, and I realize I'm going to end my life without having a true romantic relationship. It makes me feel destitute.

    In a nutshell I am very physical, I love hugs, touches, etc. even with friends I often touch. Connection is extremely important to me. When my wife and I dated, we belong to a strict religion where premarital sex was prohibited. We were as physical as was permitted and she was extremely passionate then, which led me to believe we were compatible. Our conversations seemed to confirm that she was a romantic at heart and that physical expressions of love were important to her as well. Immediately we ran into problems when we got married. Things were fairly good, we had periodic sex, usually at least once a week or so. Things were never ideal (by both of our admission) but we always blamed either the pill or hormones or stress or work or pregnancy or depression for our slow love life. After our first year of marriage, sex has reduced to approximately once every 6 weeks or so. Sometimes we'll have sex twice a month, sometimes we go two months without it. It is not just the frequency, sessions usually last between 5-10 minutes without much kissing or other contact than just the actual act. Almost always exactly the same every time. Just to clarify a few things, since she doesn't overly appreciate physical contact, and in all things in her life, she appreciates efficiency. Sex lasts 5-10 minutes because that's exactly how long it takes her to climax. I try to rush along, and often arrive there, and (rarely but occasionally) I fake a resolution because I want it to be a positive experience for her. She is also very challenge oriented, and "needing" sex for her is akin to being weak. In her mind she thinks our frequency averages out to about twice a month, and challenged me to write it down so she could show me. The consensus is 6 times in 7 months, but on three of those occasions, it was unsuccessful in resolution on my part.

    I have tried to express my frustration, and my wife does realize to a point that I am unhappy, but she cannot empathize well since it is so unimportant to her. Also, she is an extremely strong person, very dominant, and I have a hard time expressing myself because if there is any hint of dissatisfaction on my part she becomes somewhat hostile. We haven't been intimate for a couple of months, and recently she said she was feeling better, less stressed, and more happy, and that we should try to find some bedroom time to catch up. Of course I got my hopes up. 5 minutes later, after a semi-successful session, she was done and apparently satisfied for the month. Again, I just feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place. We have a good relationship aside, and we have kids together, so leaving is not an option for me. Communication doesn't seem like an option either. Therefore out of options and destitute.

    Any advice would be wonderful.
    Thanks!

  • #2
    Women don't have static penises that rise and fall to each occasion. In a healthy woman there's a monthly cycle of different fluids including blood and pain (either localized - migraines, headaches, back pains, cramps, or spread throughout). Women also go through cycles in the month where they're hornier than others. You mentioned you have kids. I think you should be mindful of that and your role as provider if she ends up being the primary caregiver while you're away working. What are the work schedules like? Does she work? Do you work? Who takes care of the children?

    My point is if there's already an imbalance in work and play, you're both preoccupied with different things and not on the same page. Work and stress from a work day or being away from home has a huge role sexual drive as do children and the stresses of raising them but oddly, both factors and the role that they play in your lives seems completely overlooked in your write up.
    Last edited by Rose Mosse; February 9th, 2018, 11:48 AM.

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    • #3
      Thanks very much for replying Rose. For sure, I'm grateful to be a man for this reason, and I sympathize anyone who spends a week of every month in that condition. My wife isn't terribly affected physically by he period (cramps, headaches, or pain), but emotionally, yes, it is very hard. She spends one or two days feeling at the end of her rope for sure, and the week before and the week after feeling fairly emotional. I absolutely agree that this is a factor, there is, in fact, in ratio less time she feels "fine" in her cycle than she does not. There seems to be one or two days per month where sex is an option if other factors align. Yes she does work 30+ hours per week, she has tried not working but it doesn't work well for her personality. As previously mentioned, she's extremely challenge oriented and is happiest when she is working. I also work, but half from home, half from my office. I used to work long hours at my office but the period when she and the kids get home at 3pm to when I got home, usually after 5, sometimes 6 or later was extremely hard for her. My current work allows me to be home a lot more which seem to be helping, as now I often cook supper etc. Our "traditional gender roles" are somewhat swapped in some ways because of our strengths. I am much more the nurturer, (I'm the softy) I read them stories and put them to bed, I get up with them in the night and sing them to sleep when they have nightmares, I'm also the one on sick duty (picking up sick kids from school, staying up with sick kids at night, cleaning up vomit) etc. My wife sleeps like the dead, and doesn't really have the patience nor temperament for this particular aspect of parenting. What she is amazing at is homework, discipline, structure, and organization. She would have made an excellent military general or a CEO of a major company. So, we both have our roles for sure, I'd like to say we are equal partners in our children's rearing.

      I get the general feeling from your comment, particularly your opening one that I wish sex could happen at the drop of a hat, when it is convenient for me. I completely understand what you are saying, but that's not really the issue at all. It's not even exactly the sex (only), it's more the intimacy. I actually have a hard time sometimes having sex when it comes out of nowhere. When ovulation day rolls around and we go from 0-100 in 5 minutes it is a bit jarring. I think this is an important part actually. For me, I think I would be most happy with daily physical connection (hugs, kisses, etc.) and perhaps sex about 1-2 times per week in a perfect world. I notice a pattern in my life when there is no physical connection for several weeks, I find myself thinking of my wife more like a friend or a sibling. I think in a way that is hard to communicate, it's a bit survival mode for me psychologically. I know it's not particularly healthy to think of your spouse this way, and it's not intentional, but that's just how my mind makes it work.

      My opinion is that our physical love life is unlikely to change (we've tried books and following plans, and sex diets, etc. that have not helped, but actually seemed to hinder). I just have to find a way to live with it. My wife has no idea why I get depressed, I have been keeping a bit of a journal, that is to say, I mark on my personal calendar when we have sex, (by her suggestion), but I also started writing the days and the degree to which I feel down/depressed/sexually frustrated - and they seem to fall approximately 3-4 weeks after the last time we have sex. I have a couple of bad days, then it gets a bit better, then after a few days or a week I have a couple more bad days, and it repeats. I want my wife to understand how it affects me because then she would understand why I am down, but I don't want to tell her because I feel she would be angry which will last for days and longer, and will only make the situation much worse. I don't feel like it's her fault, it's not my fault either, we are just incompatible but I don't know how to communicate that without her being upset. How can she not feel responsible for how I am feeling in this matter, and the last thing I want for her or for me is for her to feel bad. The lack of communication is probably worse, but I just don't know where to go from here.

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      • #4
        You should print out what you wrote up there and have her read it. She isn't understanding you at all and perhaps reading what she won't let you say, will get it through to her. (?)

        Have you and your wife read the book The Five Love Languages? Done the quizz?

        Adding: I have a sneaking feeling that your wife is not orgasming after five minutes particularly when there is very little kissing or foreplay in general. If she's faking her orgasms then it's no wonder she's not interested very much in doing it more then once ever six weeks.
        Last edited by phasesofthemoon; February 9th, 2018, 04:03 PM.
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

        Comment


        • #5
          Quest, I think you're going to have to focus less on the desperate need for physical affection and meet both ways : also focus on her love language and when she is indicating to you that she loves you and cares for the family. You seem to be able to see and notice the things she does for your family but you didn't mention any doing things that may indicate you're appreciating her love language. If you're falling apart right now I'd encourage you to find strength in the fact that your marriage is stronger in more ways than one, more than you know. She is there for all of you just as you are there for the family and for her. If you are in constant need of something or verbally asking for something that isn't spontaneous or self-actualized (from her), it becomes a one way street and she isn't a part of the conversation. If she continues to respond angrily or brushes you off at every candid attempt at this, I think you both should sit down with a third party/counsellor or therapist. The first step to any improvement is listening.

          I am probably closer to your wife in a relationship and had the same comment from my partner regarding affection. I am not an affectionate person physically and have to think consciously when it's appropriate to hug or touch him. The longer we are together and the more I practice it, the less conscious I am becoming of it but I can tell you it certainly is very out of character for me to physically show any affection. I have also been accused of being more military style or someone to have on hand in a crisis like a shooting. Not a funny comment at all and it was said with a very grave face but I had to take it with a pinch of salt. At least I'm good for something. Being physically, outwardly affectionate doesn't come easily for some people but it doesn't mean that they don't feel. I am probably more notorious for spontaneous acts of kindness or creative solutions/getting every job done and being the glue that holds everything else together when nothing seems to hold. Everyone has their strengths. She has to work with you and you have to work with her. Be patient with each other and don't burn out so quickly.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
            You should print out what you wrote up there and have her read it. She isn't understanding you at all and perhaps reading what she won't let you say, will get it through to her. (?)

            Have you and your wife read the book The Five Love Languages? Done the quizz?

            Adding: I have a sneaking feeling that your wife is not orgasming after five minutes particularly when there is very little kissing or foreplay in general. If she's faking her orgasms then it's no wonder she's not interested very much in doing it more then once ever six weeks.
            Hi Phases, Thats a great idea to print this off, and I'd give the exact same advice if I were reading this, but in my case it would likely make her hostile. I agree that it needs to be understood if nothing else.
            Yes, we did the love language quiz when we were married just a year or so, when we first realized we had a bit of a problem. We understand what each others love language is. She is very much service oriented. She loves it when I remember to take out the garbage, well... no, but she loves it when I do something extra. Little thoughtful extra jobs around the house make her weak in the knees. I try to keep her happy in that way. She knows my love language is physical. I think she just feels in general that no one should really *need* sex to survive, again, it's part of her challenge orientation. Sex is a selfish thing in her mind - better to go run for an hour or climb a mountain to get your kicks... if that makes sense.
            Yes I understand the guess that she is not orgasiming. That would make sense, the thought has occurred to me of course many times. She is, however, not one to lie about anything, and has caught me doing the same and was pretty angry at me for faking. So either she's having them or she's never had one. There are other physiological responses that are consistent with with orgasm. My feeling is shes having them but not putting a lot of satisfaction upon them, either because as previously stated she feels they are selfish, or, fairly likely it is a byproduct of a childhood full of religious suggestion of shame etc.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
              Quest, I think you're going to have to focus less on the desperate need for physical affection and meet both ways : also focus on her love language and when she is indicating to you that she loves you and cares for the family. You seem to be able to see and notice the things she does for your family but you didn't mention any doing things that may indicate you're appreciating her love language. If you're falling apart right now I'd encourage you to find strength in the fact that your marriage is stronger in more ways than one, more than you know. She is there for all of you just as you are there for the family and for her. If you are in constant need of something or verbally asking for something that isn't spontaneous or self-actualized (from her), it becomes a one way street and she isn't a part of the conversation. If she continues to respond angrily or brushes you off at every candid attempt at this, I think you both should sit down with a third party/counsellor or therapist. The first step to any improvement is listening.

              I am probably closer to your wife in a relationship and had the same comment from my partner regarding affection. I am not an affectionate person physically and have to think consciously when it's appropriate to hug or touch him. The longer we are together and the more I practice it, the less conscious I am becoming of it but I can tell you it certainly is very out of character for me to physically show any affection. I have also been accused of being more military style or someone to have on hand in a crisis like a shooting. Not a funny comment at all and it was said with a very grave face but I had to take it with a pinch of salt. At least I'm good for something. Being physically, outwardly affectionate doesn't come easily for some people but it doesn't mean that they don't feel. I am probably more notorious for spontaneous acts of kindness or creative solutions/getting every job done and being the glue that holds everything else together when nothing seems to hold. Everyone has their strengths. She has to work with you and you have to work with her. Be patient with each other and don't burn out so quickly.
              I think I do understand what you're saying Rose. You are correct in that I am feeling somewhat "desperate" though, for better or worse, I don't really let it show. She knows I would like to be more physical of course, and I do make overtures when I feel it is appropriate. But on the other hand, "pity sex" I feel would be much worse. I don't want it unless she's game. I do try to focus on giving her love through her love language, and I try to appreciate it when she shows love to me by using her love language. And while it is very nice for her to do thoughtful things for me, and I appreciate that she is trying to tell me she loves me this way. I don't know, I guess that should be enough. It is sometimes enough, but ... hmmmm... how can I explain this feeling. It's like a rabbit feeding the cat with lettuce. A little is nice, and the thought is nice, but after a diet of greens for so many years... anyway, not a perfect analogy, but it works. I do try to voice my appreciation when she does things for me if that's what you're saying. Yeah again, I don't verbally ask really. I try to move things along naturally with massages etc. if it isn't going to work, I never push. I agree a counselor is probably a good way to go. I don't think she'd be willing to discuss sex, but it should probably be tried. I honestly feel like a good listener, I suppose most people think they are whether they know it or not, but I tend to be the confident in my social circles, and people tell me I'm a good and sensitive listener. I certainly hope I am with my wife.

              Wow, yes, you sound exactly like my wife. She would definitely be the person you'd want on hand during a crisis. She would show probably more control in an emergency situation than she would when someone leaves the milk on the table. She not only avoids my attention, but my daughter who is also very affectionate, my wife can't stand when she comes around for hugs. Good thing for my daughter I take all the hugs my kids want to give. And bless her, my wife does put up with it as best as she can. She is also the "glue", she has great attributes, and in many ways a better person than I am. She is always delivering food to sick friends, babysitting for others, dropping off thoughtful gifts. She's an amazing person. I just think rabbits and cats have difficult relationships.

              I really appreciate your thoughtful responses. Thanks so much, I can't tell you how much it means to me.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by ImOnAQuest View Post

                Hi Phases, Thats a great idea to print this off, and I'd give the exact same advice if I were reading this, but in my case it would likely make her hostile. I agree that it needs to be understood if nothing else.
                Yes, we did the love language quiz when we were married just a year or so, when we first realized we had a bit of a problem. We understand what each others love language is. She is very much service oriented. She loves it when I remember to take out the garbage, well... no, but she loves it when I do something extra. Little thoughtful extra jobs around the house make her weak in the knees. I try to keep her happy in that way. She knows my love language is physical. I think she just feels in general that no one should really *need* sex to survive, again, it's part of her challenge orientation. Sex is a selfish thing in her mind - better to go run for an hour or climb a mountain to get your kicks... if that makes sense.
                Yes I understand the guess that she is not orgasiming. That would make sense, the thought has occurred to me of course many times. She is, however, not one to lie about anything, and has caught me doing the same and was pretty angry at me for faking. So either she's having them or she's never had one. There are other physiological responses that are consistent with with orgasm. My feeling is shes having them but not putting a lot of satisfaction upon them, either because as previously stated she feels they are selfish, or, fairly likely it is a byproduct of a childhood full of religious suggestion of shame etc.
                If according to her that sex is a selfish thing and not something one needs then I guess she doesn't eat ice cream either? Or does she because her parents allowed it? Sex is taboo for her. Nothing to do with periods or hormones. And that's what she needs to get past.

                Have neither of you been intimate with others?

                She is definitely faking orgasm. She might be an honest person but she is lying about this.

                Why is there no foreplay?

                I suggest you both go for a couples massage ( not a happy ending one lol ) and see how she relaxes with physical touch that isn't sexual. Or offer her a massage but keep your willy in your pants!

                Do you still date her?

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Maggiemay4791 View Post

                  If according to her that sex is a selfish thing and not something one needs then I guess she doesn't eat ice cream either? Or does she because her parents allowed it? Sex is taboo for her. Nothing to do with periods or hormones. And that's what she needs to get past.

                  Have neither of you been intimate with others?

                  She is definitely faking orgasm. She might be an honest person but she is lying about this.

                  Why is there no foreplay?

                  I suggest you both go for a couples massage ( not a happy ending one lol ) and see how she relaxes with physical touch that isn't sexual. Or offer her a massage but keep your willy in your pants!

                  Do you still date her?
                  Hi Maggie, yes, I agree with you over the ice cream mentality, but she doesn't eat a lot of ice cream either to be honest. When I eat ice cream(etc) I savor it completely and she thinks I'm crazy. When she does eat candy, she does it alone and slightly ashamedly. Might be somewhat of an insight that I hadn't really considered there... Yes, sex is somewhat taboo. Have we been intimate with others? Well, again because of our religion it is considered in very poor form if you had. I fooled around a bit with my first girlfriend when I was 14, then just some physical, but not exactly sexual relationships after. She said she had never had sex, I told her I didnt care if she had, my feeling is that she has probably had, or at least she has had some sexual experiences that were pretty bad. She doesn't like any kind of control upon her, I think she may have been pushed into things she wasn't ready for. Now she can't really enjoy a situation where she's not in (total) control. I felt like we dealt like this many years ago when she wanted to talk about it but couldn't quite get the words out. We did this psychology exercise where i had her put the "experiences" into a paper bag mentally then we burned it. She said she felt better, I told her I was 100% supportive of her etc. I felt like it was dealt with but...?

                  Faking orgasm... it's possible but I really don't think so. I'm very open to the possibility. I'd love for her to try a vibrator or something just to make sure. It would kill me if she didn't even know what a real orgasm was, and just thought the smaller plateaus of pleasure were orgasms... kill me!

                  No foreplay - that's probably a misrepresentation. We lay together, she likes her arms and back to be lightly stroked etc. but it kinda just goes straight from there to her on top and intercourse right away. She doesn't like to be touched in any sexual manner until she is really into it, and she can't get into it until after intercourse happens... if that makes any sense. There is touching of her chest etc., but only after. I have tried oral on her a few times but she thinks its uncomfortable. She tried oral on my once or twice when we were first married but only for a minute or less, she didn't like it. All of this really is hard for me as I... Well food is easier to talk about. My motto is never waste a meal, I LOVE food. I love to cook, I love making people happy when I cook... LOVE it. It's my absolute favorite. When I eat, I plate the food carefully, I enjoy the colours and smells, the way it's presented is important, i savor every moment of the meal experience. I don't feel like we've ever do that in the bedroom. Sex is there to check off a box. Like a week or so ago she said we haven't had sex in a long time, we should do it. And that was it... then 5 min later she was talking about what else we were going to get done that day. That is just NOT a satisfying experience for me. I mean... 15 min or so, that would even be fine, but the shortest distance between A and B is just... depressing.

                  She likes to be massaged, she goes to a pro massage once a month or so. I do massage her... probably about twice a month, often it is just a hand or foot massage. Occasionally one where she has her shirt off etc. but it very very rarely gets sexual. ... my willy always stays in my pants . A couple of times i have turned the massage a bit more erotic. The first time it actually did go pretty well, but when I tried the second she got angry and said something like "just because I fell for that once doesn't mean I will again". I think she felt like I was giving her the massage just to have sex, which was a very little bit hurtful in that I have given her hundreds of massages without any expectation but oh well.

                  Do I still date her? Yes absolutely, we went out once this week, then again with friends tonight. We had a nice day together with our family when we took them to a movie. We don't spend a whole lot of time together in spare time as she gets up every morning at 5 to go running, so she's in bed before 10, and we have kids, so there is a small window from when I put the kids to bed and we chat for 15 min before she goes to bed. She once commented that if we had more time together at night we'd probably have more sex. I tried for a few weeks putting the kids to bed just a bit earlier, and going to her right away, but I found she just ignored me more. She just looked at her phone mostly. I feel like she knew I was there because she made the comment, and so she was uncomfortable. I tried to engage in some light conversation, but eventually it got boring just laying next to her while she looked at her phone so I went back to the 10-15 min check in like I used to do.

                  Sorry for the long posts, but it's so nice to be able to communicate these things, I really do appreciate the time you guys take to respond.

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                  • #10
                    Another thing, I honestly don't know if this is good or bad or weird, but we shower together everyday and it's never or almost never at all sexual. So, we hang out naked a fair amount... does this just normalize and de-sexualize nudity?

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                    • #11
                      When you're a working mother, a massage is NOT foreplay... it is a chance to unwind and relax.

                      Your wife is sounding more and more frigid the more you describe her and your situation is a perfect example of why waiting for marriage before having sex is not a good plan.

                      You and your wife, I think, would do well to see a sex therapist rather then a marriage counselor because your wife has a lot of ingrained brain washing to overcome. No God wants you to NOT enjoy coupling. There are pleasure zones put there for you to enjoy and its quite a sin in (one would think) for her to be faking her O's. She is faking them, its almost certain, and she's doing it to get it over with as soon as possible.

                      If she won't see a sex therapist with you, if she gets hostile over a discussion about your lack of sex life and her frigidity then I suggest that you go to a psychologist on your own so that you either learn to live with what little sex she will relent to or you get the strength to leave her. Nothing will change if you change nothing. She's not willing to do anything but what suits her. She won't even show you your love language but instead shows you how she loves you in her language so SHE is the one that needs to do some reaching out... thus far, you're doing it all.
                      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        The crux, the dichotomy of the situation is really this: its not going to get better unless we communicate about it, I know this, but the other side is that a) I don't want "pity sex" it seems worse by far than not having any, I want her to want to do it, not because I'm "begging" for it b) bringing it up makes me... what? weak in her mind I suppose? Again, she thinks the dependency on anything is a weakness, but particularly sex. This morning, like many times it just felt overwhelming and she could see something was bothering me so she asked me what was on my mind but if I say then it's counteractive, so I just say nothing. I already know I am absolutely wrong, but what can I do?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by ImOnAQuest View Post
                          The crux, the dichotomy of the situation is really this: its not going to get better unless we communicate about it, I know this, but the other side is that a) I don't want "pity sex" it seems worse by far than not having any, I want her to want to do it, not because I'm "begging" for it b) bringing it up makes me... what? weak in her mind I suppose? Again, she thinks the dependency on anything is a weakness, but particularly sex. This morning, like many times it just felt overwhelming and she could see something was bothering me so she asked me what was on my mind but if I say then it's counteractive, so I just say nothing. I already know I am absolutely wrong, but what can I do?
                          You can be honest with her and ask to go to sex therapy with you. If she won't go then you go to a therapist on your own to learn how to cope with your wife's frigidness.

                          You are so mis-matched sexually that you are going to be miserable as you love your wife in your (soon to be) celibate marriage. Sex will become less and less as time goes on and you don't get through to her that sex is important to you. A sex therapist will at least try to get her to be more open to relaxing and enjoying and not looking at it as a chore.

                          The thing with people like your wife, if they can get away without having to do it at all, they will do with out it.
                          Last edited by phasesofthemoon; February 11th, 2018, 02:07 PM.
                          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            100% agree with Phases.
                            You don't need to see a sex therapist but she does. However better to go with her so you understand what exactly her problem is.
                            And yes she has a problem.
                            She has never experienced an orgasm. Guaranteed!

                            All the responses to your post have been from women btw. That surely tells you something?

                            Being comfortable with nudity is not the same as being comfortable with ones sexuality.

                            You have options. Remain as you are or rock the boat. Be happy with what you got or risk shaking it up making it better or losing it.
                            Personally I would do the latter.

                            What's the difference between pity sex and what's happening now ? Because now she is having duty sex. It's part of her "role" as a wife. But once the decision not to have more kids is made that role will no longer exist. In her mind.
                            So go get your pity sex because the duty sex is about to expire.

                            Of course you want to be desired. Who doesn't? Perhaps a sex therapist will help her understand and realise it's natural.
                            Maybe she feels undesired as she thinks sex for you is all about you. But that's probably because she has never found it a pleasurable experience. Her fault not yours.

                            Good luck!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Hello Phases - so, I really don't know if I'd describe her as frigid, she doesn't like physical intimacy for sure, either with me or kids etc. except in small doses. She is really a very caring person, she's often thinking of other people etc. which is all the more confusing why in this respect she is quite unwilling to "give". It does really have to do with control. I agree with waiting until marriage, but we start life on the path our parents set out for us, then figure out they were crazy too late . Here's another insight speaking of parents into my wife's psyche - she absolutely adores her father but her whole family is extremely nonphysical, especially her father who is a wonderful and caring man, he just doesn't express it very openly. When my wife and I met, I was somewhat more distant, I was still slightly dealing with a very long term relationship (ok, it was almost over a year before) but I was perhaps a tiny bit jaded when I met my wife, and she perhaps fell in love with a somewhat more... reserved version of myself. I agree that therapy is almost essential at this point but A) she would see no reason for it because she doesn't see the importance, which leads to B) that trying to communicate the importance makes me... somewhat pathetic? Horrible term, but that is the problem. I think I have decided to write a letter to her. I agree that nothing will change, and I have very little to lose at this point.

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