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He says I'm an alcoholic. I'm now sober but he asked if i'm drinking in the closet.

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  • He says I'm an alcoholic. I'm now sober but he asked if i'm drinking in the closet.

    i’ve been here before complaining about my issues in staying sober without being irritable (among other relationship issues.). I’m on day 8. And I’m doing okay.

    I was drinking about a bottle of wine a night. Many times it was to avoid the stress of the fights with my fiancé. Now, when he becomes difficult, it becomes hard for me not to have something to keep me calm or at least somewhat sedated.
    He has made comments about how i’m too crabby…that the alcohol is one but i’m “still a nightmare”. He jokes and says it was funny. I don’t laugh.

    Tonight he told me at dinner that I fell asleep so fast last night that he thought I was hiding alcohol and drinking again. I told him that was hurtful and I didn’t appreciate it since i’ve been SO strong and working to be healthy.

    He didn’t apologize. But he said he thought i was “doing good”. most people would say I was not a full blown alcoholic — most of my girlfriends drink every night.

    He would fight and tell me that I was ‘sick’ and ‘addict’ and blame my drinking (even if I was only 3 sips in..) for our fights. So now I have stopped.

    Tonight AFTER we came home from dinner he asked me why i was in the closet so long. I was changing and folding clothes. He said you sure you weren’t drinking in there? Did you hide wine and go grab some fast gulps?

    I was MAD! I sad STOP. How rude! He said well I have a hard time believing you are doing this well…. hmmm.

    I got more angry. He said “why are you so sensitive if you aren’t guilty…huh?”

    I’m so upset. Is this common — I guess I have a history of turning to wine…but I wasn’t a crazy drunk or anything.

    Just asking for some perspective and some support.

  • #2
    Well, I guess (even though he's a complete douche-bag) he's like most people who are living with someone who has a drinking problem or habit, it's a hard process to learn to trust that they aren't on the stuff again and just hiding it.

    You don't have to react defensively to his bullshit. Simply tell him that you haven't been drinking and then change the subject. If he doesn't shut up about it then I'll send him one of my Happy Go Fuck Yourself greeting cards on your behalf. (joking).

    Don't allow him to push your buttons.
    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


    • #3
      Despite the fact that I've read your other post and your fiancé is an ass, I do see why he'd be cautious to believe you were able to stop drinking so suddenly.

      I think it would help you if you could just come to terms with the fact that you are/were an alcoholic. People with a normal relationship with alcohol, even those who drink every day, don't show withdrawal symptoms when they go cold turkey. They don't become irritable, they don't feel a void where they used to have something to help them handle stress.

      So there, you're an alcoholic . And he's had to live with an alcoholic for quite some time. It's normal for him to doubt whether you've been able to quit that easily and check up on your progress.
      HOWEVER, he's an ass about it. He's unsupportive and cynical and that doesn't help you heal.
      Like Phases said, don't put up with his bullshit. Asnwer his question and move on. Don't let him interrogate you or bring you down. You should feel proud of your sobriety!
      You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf