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Confused! Need advise

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  • Confused! Need advise

    Hi my partner and I have been together for 5 years and we have decided to get married next year. He was previously married to someone for 7 years and together for 18 years. She left him for someone else. My issue is ever since we have been together my partner sometimes talks to me as if I am his ex, this is hard to explain but he once told me to take my glasses off at the oven when I donít wear glasses, another time we were watching tv and he was talking to me about a tv programme I have never watched but I know his ex did. About a year ago we were again watching tv and he pointed out something someone was wearing and said Ďthatís the same as yoursí something I have never owned and when I brought it up he got mad and denied he said it. The last time was late last year and he called upstairs to me when he got home to tell me my Ďmateí had died, someone from a tv programme that again I have never watched and I know his ex did. This hurts! A lot! And I donít think he know why he does it. He tells me everyday that he loves me and Iím all he wants. However, last night I mentioned that maybe his ex and her partner were deciding to get married (we never talk about her but she had got in touch about some money) when I looked at him his face was stern and I know the look from how he has looked at me if he gets jealous. Iím only posting this for advice, as I mentioned we are getting married but I want to be sure he doesnít still have feelings for his ex. Please can anyone read my post and let me know what they think. For the record I was also married for 7 years but have never confused my ex with him and never made him feel Insecure in any way.

  • #2
    How old is he? This sounds more like a memory issue than anything else. Does he have memory lapses about other things in your lives?
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      Thank you for replying heís only 40 and doesnít have any other memory issues. Although he is extremely laid back in his personality.

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      • #4
        It seems that he is still somehow attached emotionally to his former wife. After 18 years, you create a lot of habits with another person that are hard to break, especially if it hasn't been that much time since they parted. You need to have a talk with him before you marry. He has to come clean with you about how he feels, and I would definitely postpone marriage until you're sure that he's over her.

        "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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        • #5
          Thanks for your reply, you have said what Iíve always been thinking. It has been 6 years since they parted so enough time to move on, he assured me he was 100% over it before I got involved but I think heís wanted to tell himself that, not just me.

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          • #6
            He doesn't seem like a very conscious individual which makes him look very careless (or uncaring). I'd definitely postpone any marriage dates and see how this unfolds. If this is the way he is you may just have to learn to be accustomed to it. There must be, afterall, other redeeming qualities about him that have made you believe he's a good long term partner. If it continues to irritate you more and more you might want to ask yourself why you're putting up with behaviour that's continuously making you upset and close the book on this chapter.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Toris View Post
              Thank you for replying heís only 40 and doesnít have any other memory issues. Although he is extremely laid back in his personality.
              Does he mix up anything else though? Forget why he got up and went to the kitchen, is looking for his keys and they are in his hand? Call you by the wrong name?
              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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