Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Am I being paranoid? Or should I be worried?

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Am I being paranoid? Or should I be worried?

    Need some advice peeps - am I overreacting, or do I have something to be concerned about? Iíll keep it as brief as possibleÖ.

    My wife of 14 years hasnít been her usual self lately. My Sisterís partner and my wife get along pretty well, and their relationship (my sister and her partner) has been on the rocks lately.

    Anyway, it turns out my wife and him have been snap chatting each other. The missus swears there was nothing in it, however I told her there was no reason for them to be snapping each other and left it at that. The missus deletes snapchat.

    I got a new iPhone X the other day, and the screen on the bastard of thing is playing up already. The missus has the same, I asked her if I could try her phone to see if the screen was acting similar, but she absolutely refused to let me touch the phone. I though it was odd, and left it at that. Her phone is password protected and I donít know the password.

    Anyway, it turns out him and her have been sending each other messages on facebook messenger. She was up late messaging the other night, when I asked who she was talking to, she lied and said it was her brother. The next day she admitted sheíd been messaging my sisters partner again.

    She had deleted all messages, so I have no way of seeing what they were talking about. When I asked him about it, he refused to send screenshots.

    Am I being too paranoid, or do I have something to be worried about? Iíve asked her if sheís cheating, if she wants to be with him, and she said no. Not sure what to do :-(

  • #2
    She is finding some kind of comfort and gratification by messaging him. The thing you should focus on first is what's missing in your marriage that she needs outside attention?

    Then you must set some rules up for your marriage to continue, one of them being that she must not contact him again.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

    Comment


    • #3
      Does your sister know that your wife is talking to her Significant Other and they are being very secretive about what they need to be up chatting about?

      Why is your sister and her partners relationship been on the rocks?
      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
        Does your sister know that your wife is talking to her Significant Other and they are being very secretive about what they need to be up chatting about?
        No, she didn't until I made her aware of it.

        Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
        Why is your sister and her partners relationship been on the rocks?
        I'm not sure of details - I do know my sister is a difficult character to get along with at the best of times! Her finding about this has made things worse for them.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post
          She is finding some kind of comfort and gratification by messaging him. The thing you should focus on first is what's missing in your marriage that she needs outside attention?

          Then you must set some rules up for your marriage to continue, one of them being that she must not contact him again.
          Thanks Sarah! I think some marriage counselling might be in order - and a big session where we lay all our feelings out on the table.

          Comment


          • #6
            You need to fix your marriage with trust and loyalty. Those words need to be openly discussed at length with your wife and it's a 2-way street. Deceit is a terrible thing. I'm sorry. I hope you can rectify this.
            "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

            Comment


            • #7
              If they're deleting the messages and messaging surreptitiously there's most likely content in those messages that contain meanings neither party 1) wants anyone to see or 2) wants others to misconstrue because it may contain details that are incriminating and disloyal to your sister or you. Your wife knew how you felt about snapchat so it's fairly reliable to assume that she would also know how you would feel about private messages through social media. Moving their secret messages to a different platform doesn't negate that they exist.

              I think you should be having a good talk with her and if you're having a third party (counselor), all the merrier. If your wife thinks of herself as a misappropriated Hail Mary intercepting for your difficult sister, you should be clear during your sessions that you're not comfortable with it using the platforms they've been using. If the other couple needs the support from the family, you can let them know if they have your support but it's not your wife's job to manufacture a giant band aid for someone else's relationship.
              Last edited by Rose Mosse; February 5th, 2018, 03:47 PM.

              Comment


              • #8
                So my wife broke down last light and come clean.

                Apparently the messages were them venting to each other about their own relationships.

                At one point, he told her he had feelings for her and wanted to take things further - she told him the feelings were not mutual and she has a family.

                She has now blocked him across all forms of contact, and my sister has been made aware of her partners actions.

                Now, to focus on building and strengthening our relationship, and setting very clear ground rules.....

                Comment

                Working...
                X