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  • Dating site drama

    My boyfriend and I have been through a lot of ups and downs. He has a history of neglecting me and seeing me maybe once a week if I'm lucky. We are both in our 50s so it's not like we're teenage lovers. He has abandoned me at times and has gone through medical issues and has kept me out of the loop and would not answer his phone when I was worried to death about him. I almost had a breakdown and left the state to stay with my daughter in another state to clear my mind. He promised to come down and get me because I have no vehicle. This is been several months now and all we do is argue over the phone. One day I ignored his calls so he went out with a girl just for drinks. Well now that every time we fight he threatens to go see this girl. One night I went on a dating site because I was curious and I checked it out and I talked to a few people but then I got off. I never had a date with anyone and the conversations were just casual conversations no flirting nothing. My boyfriend found out about it and he was upset. He said at least he told me about this other girl that he saw. He was upset that I did not tell him I went on a dating site. He says I'm a cheater because I went on a dating site even if I didn't touch anyone or ever date or meet anyone just the fact that I talk to someone on that site. My question is is this true? Am I considered a cheater for being on a dating site?

  • #2
    I really just need opinions on dating sites. He and I have been arguing about this. Is it considered dating if you're just looking or chit-chatting on a dating site? He says it is which means I cheated on him.

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    • #3
      In a way, yes, it's cheating. He expects you to remain loyal to him and him only; not playing the field even though you're not meeting these people in person. He wants all your heart and mind completely minus any distraction from others, namely the opposite gender.
      "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Kelly14 View Post
        My boyfriend and I have been through a lot of ups and downs. He has a history of neglecting me and seeing me maybe once a week if I'm lucky. We are both in our 50s so it's not like we're teenage lovers. He has abandoned me at times and has gone through medical issues and has kept me out of the loop and would not answer his phone when I was worried to death about him. I almost had a breakdown and left the state to stay with my daughter in another state to clear my mind. He promised to come down and get me because I have no vehicle. This is been several months now and all we do is argue over the phone. One day I ignored his calls so he went out with a girl just for drinks. Well now that every time we fight he threatens to go see this girl. One night I went on a dating site because I was curious and I checked it out and I talked to a few people but then I got off. I never had a date with anyone and the conversations were just casual conversations no flirting nothing. My boyfriend found out about it and he was upset. He said at least he told me about this other girl that he saw. He was upset that I did not tell him I went on a dating site. He says I'm a cheater because I went on a dating site even if I didn't touch anyone or ever date or meet anyone just the fact that I talk to someone on that site. My question is is this true? Am I considered a cheater for being on a dating site?
        Yes being on a dating site is misleading when you're in a relationship. It is extremely deceitful. What your partner did was wrong but he was forthcoming and honest. It appears you are deceitful and dishonest. I'm sorry it is what it is

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        • #5
          Originally posted by chanelle View Post
          In a way, yes, it's cheating. He expects you to remain loyal to him and him only; not playing the field even though you're not meeting these people in person. He wants all your heart and mind completely minus any distraction from others, namely the opposite gender.
          Well said.. I'll never understand people looking for validation for clearly inappropriate behavior while in a relationship.

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          • #6
            A bit pot calling the kettle black, isn't it? He went out for drinks with another girl and uses it as blackmail to arm twist you into doing what he wants while calling you a cheater for looking at a dating website? I cannot believe you're both in your 50s.

            The issue isn't the dating website. It's his moronic behaviour which is manipulative, to put it mildly, and your self-confidence which seems to be about 10,000 feet below sea level. If you're in your 50s you should know better than that.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
              A bit pot calling the kettle black, isn't it? He went out for drinks with another girl and uses it as blackmail to arm twist you into doing what he wants while calling you a cheater for looking at a dating website? I cannot believe you're both in your 50s.

              The issue isn't the dating website. It's his moronic behaviour which is manipulative, to put it mildly, and your self-confidence which seems to be about 10,000 feet below sea level. If you're in your 50s you should know better than that.
              Or at least have the wherewithal to tell him to fuck off
              There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. People who do not experience self-love have little or no capacity to love others.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Kelly14 View Post
                I really just need opinions on dating sites. He and I have been arguing about this. Is it considered dating if you're just looking or chit-chatting on a dating site? He says it is which means I cheated on him.
                Going on a dating site when you are suppose to be in a committed, monogamous relationship is inappropriate and disrespectful to your Significant Other. No man (or woman for that matter) is on a dating site to make platonic friends so the intent is nefarious at best (even if you say you're "just looking")
                His going out for a drink with another woman with the intent your partner had, when in a committed, monogamous relationship is inappropriate and disrespectful to one's Significant Other.

                His apathy and neglect of you and you nagging him about it (which is making you both act inappropriately) is good reason why you should stop seeing one another. Once you're free of one another and this failing relationship, you'll both be free to online date or have drinks (or whatever) with others.
                "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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