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We are both new to this.

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  • We are both new to this.

    So, as of last week, my new girlfriend and I made our relationship official. Things are going really well thus far. But this is both our first serious relationship and so I figured I’d see if anyone had some good advice for us as newbies to dating. We both go to the same university, but she is on a Co-Op right now in her hometown about an hour and 15min away, and Im in the middle of my college wrestling season with most of my weekends taken up until the middle of March, so for the time being we can really only see each other about once a month. We both discussed this before making things serious and are okay with the temperary situation.

    Some things Id like a bit of constructive advice on are:
    1. I’ve been on quite a few dates with other girls in the past where nothing has worked out and am used to a girl just waking up one day and telling me that things wont work out. So I have a bit of fear in the back of my mind that this could happen. I dont let it manifest itself into worry, but the thought is still there. Is this normal for my situation and will that feeling go away as the relationship grows and I feel more comfortable? She has talked multiple times about how much she looks forward to next August when we’ll be able to see each other whenever we’d like. So it is comforting knowing that she also sees this as a long term investment.
    2. She is still a virgin, whereas I am not(only 1 time). This has been discussed as well and it doesn’t seem to be an issue. Prior to me, she had only even kissed one guy one time in her life. So, knowing this, I’ve been very patient and haven’t tried to pressure her into anything. We have gotten to 2nd base, thus far and I’m in no rush. Am I handling that correctly? Is there anything else I should be doing in those regards to make her feel special as she experiences these new things.
    3. We’ve pretty well covered: Religion, Politics, general interests, what our families are like (haven’t met each others families yet, but she wants to introduce me at Easter in a couple months), and future plans. And that all seems on the up and up. Anything else I may need to cover early on?

    I’m just trying to get feedback so I can lay the foundation for a lasting and happy relationship. So any other advice I didn’t cover is welcome!


  • #2
    Are either of you willing to move to where the other gets a job and starts their career? That is something I think that any college couple should discuss because rarely, unless you grew up in the same big City/Town will you both end up getting a job in the same place.

    Otherwise, you're doing the right thing in not putting pressure on her for sex and you both have a good attitude about being long distance for the interim.

    You sound like a great guy with a good head on your shoulders. Good luck going forth.
    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


    • #3
      If I was as put together as you in my first relationship, we would have built a rocket ship together and traveled the universe or discovered the cure for cancer. You seem like a very nice young man. Here are my thoughts:

      1) There will always be a bit of that fear whether you are in your first relationship or your tenth so don't get too overly nervous about it. Yes, your comfort and confidence in each other will grow each day. Think of your close friends who once started out as strangers. Over time you'll learn what makes the other annoyed, upset, happy, sad etc. Just take each day as a gift and appreciate each other. Don't lash out at each other or cry wolf too often as it erodes at your trust and destabilizes your relationship. If you have anything bothering you, think on it overnight and bring it up when the other person isn't already in a heightened emotional state. Don't be a pushover.

      2) Regarding sex, don't focus on sex. Focus on the romance. The sex will fall into place. Romance means looking her in the eye, putting your arm around her, making her feel safe and welcomed. You can do traditional romance like candlelit dinners (what she likes obviously, this is just an example), or you can do spontaneous things unique to the likes and dislikes of your partner/relationship. Surely you're allowed to kiss her so do it often and don't turn it into a deep sea diving contest. Listen to her breathing and just be in the present.

      3) You might want to cover where you're both headed after university and look beyond 2018 and the possibility of travel or post-grad. Look at various ways to finance whatever long term goals you have together. Practice coordinating the funding and financing of your shenanigans early on. Good luck.
      Last edited by Rose Mosse; February 2nd, 2018, 07:00 PM.


      • #4
        Thank you all for the wonderful advice!
        We actually have discussed a little bit of plans after graduation and both of us seem to be open to living elsewhere Or near home. With no real preference. Obviously, since it is so early on, we havenít discussed specifically finding jobs in the same area just yet. But, Iím sure as things continue to get more serious, Iíll bring it up. Iím a Nuclear Engineering major and sheís a Civil Engineering major, so Im a bit more limited in my locations, while she can live pretty much wherever she wants. If she does decide she wants to live close to home, the nearest nuclear reactor to her hometown is about 1hr 30min from her house and actually 30min from mine. And there is a nice suburb inbetween. (45min from the reactor and 30-45min from her home, with lots of opportunities for her in that town.). She also focuses on the energy side of Civil Engineering and her co-op is actually with the company that runs the reactor in our state, so her interests in her field match mine. I graduate May 2019 and she will finish in December 2019, so that should work out fairly well.
        And I know the big ďtripĒ shes always dreamed of is in either New Zealand, Australia, or Hawaii. New Zealand being her first choice, which works nicely with my interest in Lord of the Rings so that would be a nice travel destination for after graduation. And we are both thinking about post-grad, but neither of us have decided yet.

        and I think Iíve been doing okay with the romance thing, but a little more emphasis on it would never hurt.

        Thanks again.


        • #5
          Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
          If I was as put together as you in my first relationship, we would have built a rocket ship together and traveled the universe or discovered the cure for cancer.
          With us both being Engineers and her sisterís husband working for NASA, we probably could build a rocketship Made my day with that analogy!


          • #6
            That's funny. Good that you're both very similar (differences are overrated). I've been to NZ, OZ and HI.. they are very unique and beautiful countries. Are you both fans of Tolkien's written work or just the films? He is also a poet. I'd probably add emphasis on laughing a lot together and building very strong positive memories. Those will be the foundation/your glue for the tough times.


            • #7
              1. It's normal to have a bit of fear in the back of your mind due to your past history with girls. Your fears will subside after you feel secure in a long term relationship or go away completely.
              2. Intimacy. As long as it's not an issue, follow her cue. When she's ready she'll let you know and if not, she might want to wait until she is married. Respect her wishes.
              3. Let the relationship take its course. Try not to fret about it.

              Advice? Just be a good man, do the right thing, be honest, own up to any mistakes, apologize, be humble, trustworthy, considerate, kind, selfless, honorable, empathetic, intelligent, poised and everything a girl wants in a guy. It's a tall order but these types of characteristic traits endure and create compatibility for the long term.
              "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."