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Have I really found the right one?

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  • Have I really found the right one?

    My boyfriend is just amazing! He wants to marry me, he freely gave me all his passwords, he always reminds me how sexy I am to him and I've even pole danced for him naked! His so happy and so am I but being around friends and family who tell me that things will change, people change, everyone changes is driving me nuts! I tell him my fears and goals and everything in between and his very open as well...It all just seems so perfect. He laughs and tells me his scared I might leave him for a guy with a longer you know what lol and I tell him I'm scared of being all hairy fat and fat after we have kids and married and some young bimbo may get his attention. We laugh a lot and I always catch myself being a crazy girlfriend stalking his emails, phone ...His given me his passwords for heaven's sake! I just don't want to get my heart broken my ex cheated on me and my boyfriend is way better then him but I'm still scared...It took me a long time to let go of my fear...But haved I? What's wrong with me

  • #2
    You have not. What you need to do is to stop being crazy.
    Things doo get change with the span of time, but what will keep on holding would be your relationship and bond.
    How strong are your feelings are for him will make the decision time to time..
    Good luck for your marriage

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    • #3
      Has he (not your previous bf's) ever done anything to make you distrust him? If the answer to that is no, then get a grip. Stop checking up on him.
      Your insecurities are making you way too controlling. He's not going to put up with that forever. If he has done all he needs to to earn your trust, you need to let it go.
      If you can't, maybe you need therapy?

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      • #4
        I think there should be an addition to marriage vows in the future: "Do you promise to love, honor, and hand over all your social media passwords until death do you part?"

        By the way, how old are you?
        "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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        • #5
          Just give the relationship time, a few years. Rome wasn't built in a day. Your confidence in each other will grow day by day, week by week. There's no real one event that proves anything for sure - no passwords, or house keys or large gifts or even marriage proposal or marriage will do it. It just takes time. Day in and day out. You might also want to recognize that a little healthy fear and check before you wreck yourself is always there. I don't think it's good to be too comfortable and assume your partner will always be around either. Be grateful for what you have!

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          • #6
            I agree with everyone here that has posted their views.

            For me , I value communication. Do you and your boyfriend communicate well? Looks most likely will fade but do you communicate well and have similar interests? Do you have the same outlook on life? Do you share the same values?

            As for the jealousy, as what Ayla said, if he hasn't done anything, don't treat him like he has (or is going to). Now they may be comical but if he has to continue to prove he is innocent, that will wear thin quickly. You don't want him to feel like he is in a no-win situation and every time that you "go crazy" it puts a little wedge between you both.

            Coming from someone that was cheated on as well, that next relationship was a hard one to overcome my own baggage. I realized that my new partner was not my old one, and essentially they haven't done anything, so why am I going to assume they ARE going to do anything? Try to let your guard down and put the paranoid feelings on the back burner. Do trust your gut though.

            Lastly, I have always lived life by the motto "you have to risk something to get something." So in order to get "all of your boyfriend, you have to give all of you." Talk about fears, joys, dreams.... open up. There's no sense in getting into a committed relationship and not be able to talk about ANYTHING that goes on with you.

            Good luck RedLipstick!!
            Last edited by breener; February 1st, 2018, 02:12 PM.

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            • #7
              st don't want to get my heart broken my ex cheated on me and my boyfriend is way better then him but I'm still scared...It took me a long time to let go of my fear...But haved I? What's wrong with me
              Whats wrong with you? Well for one thing, you are punishing your current partner for the sins of your last one and if you can't trust someone who isn't doing anything untrustworthy then you'd do well to talk to a therapist so that you stop being so paranoid.

              If he's not acting sketchy, if he's showing you he values you, if you are happy together then learn to change the negative dialogue you have going on in your head and chillax.
              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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              • #8
                Update: thank you everyone I really appreciate all your replies and I read through each one until I took something away from it. You were all different yet the same in your advise. Today we hanged out all day and it made us even stronger. I will take a risk I will stop being crazy and I will accept that life will change for us but not our bond. We promised to always go to sleep happy and try when things get tough I love you all. Thank you!

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                • #9
                  Promising to go to sleep happy works when you're younger until one of you snores the second you hit the bed (aka me lol). My partner is still turning over something and I seem to drop off instantly. We always joke about it the next morning because I usually have no idea where we left off and suddenly it all seems so small. I feel bad about it though and do my best to stay up longer but it really doesn't work out very well. Good for you for realizing all those wonderful things. Happy days.
                  Last edited by Rose Mosse; February 2nd, 2018, 12:22 PM.

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