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  • Its a tricky one

    Hi to all. Im 25 years old, i am in a long term relationship and have a child aged 5. For a while now i have been having thoughts of ending the relationship, or what it would be like to be single again. I have been with my partner 8 years this year, and its safe to say we've been through a lot. We recently made the choice to move to the welsh countryside from our home town in merseyside. It hasnt been an easy ride and we've had some bad times, made worse by the fact we are miles away from our family. I love my partner so much and i cant imagine telling my little girl that we are no longer together, but like i said i am having these thoughts of being single and if i would be happy? Its important for you to know im in the process of starting a new business and my partner doesnt like the fact i have to use alot of my spare time and dedicate it to my business. My partner is quite needy, i never get to meet with my friends, or go to car events (my work is in the automotive trade), i feel like i am missing out and she's holding me back. Or am I being selfish ? I understand this is quite vague but i hope you can get the jist of how im feeling. We are due to move back to our home town in around 3 months time as well, do i do some serious thinking and work out what it is i want before we move ?

    I welcome any questions and thanks in advance for all advice

  • #2
    If you want to be together, you have to be 100% sure and all in with all your heart. If you feel the pull to be single again so you can devote more time to your business, get together with friends, car events and your SO is too needy, then you've answered your own question. It's obvious you want more out of life than what your partner is giving or lack thereof. There needs to be mutual understanding for relationships to be enduring and stable. If it's rocky with too many doubts, then it's time to have a lengthy discussion with your partner to iron out any issues you may have. Hopefully, both of you can reach a conclusion of whether or not you wish to remain a couple or not. Also, if you can afford to be financially independent as a single parent, you have more options. Many couples cannot afford two residences because one residence is less expensive than two residences. You're not being selfish. It's selfish to be in a relationship which is unfair and if you can set your partner free, then that's unselfish. Honesty is the best policy for your partner and that is unselfish.
    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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    • #3
      Thanks for that, really helpful advice. In regards to finances, i am worried what I would do if we were to break up, there is a lot of factors i need to think about, but a lot of them go against the idea of ending it ? I feel the negatives will over rule myself and decide to sttay in the relationship

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      • #4
        Exactly what Chanelle said. I think that since you've both been through so much together this will soon pass and if you let someone like her go well it's kind of unbelievable because if she's been with you through thick and thin then why stop and leave her. Now my boyfriend was super needy, didn't have friends, always calling me, everything revolved around him! I also thought the what if question but somehow I look back and I'm very thankful I didn't leave someone that yes, wants me around them all the time but is also caring and loyal. If she's a good woman give her a chance. This too will pass and why not stay and cherish a good woman like her. The point I'm making is that yes your life is important you do need to fulfill and have a sense of self actualization in yourself but also you can cherish it with someone who has and will continue to go through thick and thin with you. If your not willing to keep trying to make her see how happy you'll be with her in your life while actually making your social life and dreams come through...Then your priority has never been love, but a need. You needed her and now you dont. You see when you said that you feel like your missing out and that she's holding you back, it told me that your priority was just to get by and have her there just in case. M sure she was a good mother figure too instead of you seeing that she's actually a good mom and potentially a good wife. 8 years and still no marriage proposal? Did you really ever love her? To be honest she needs to leave you because you were never ready for a relationship. I don't mean to be mean but a happy man wouldn't quit on a partner like that just because of her neediness? Someone that cares would help her not feel insecure and soon he would find that that same need she had would disappear. Unless of course she's a complete psycho.

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        • #5
          It seems like you're fed up of your partner because she nags you and you don't get to go out to see your friends and work on your business. Before your friends and your business, there was your partner whom you committed to at some level and your child. You can walk out if you like but if you walk away from your family unit you have to be prepared to live with it the rest of your life and carry the weight of breaking up that home. Leaving at this point has to be a situation where the cons are absolutely and unequivocally, completely non-resolvable. If you have even a slight feeling that you're in a rough spot with your partner and there is a way to rekindle that happy spark and reason why you two fell in love, don't walk out. You'll regret it.

          You will have your business. You will have all the time in the world. You will lose your family and you will ask yourself why you keep failing at relationships and are unable to stick around for the long term (20+ years). I am all for freedom. Just make sure you are doing it for the right reasons.

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          • #6
            Instead of leaving and breaking up your family, why don't you talk to her about how you're feeling with regards to her being a pain about your work and being needy and communicate to her that you want some changes to take place so in regards to her neediness?

            Do you guys do anything together? Go on dates without the baby? Have in house "date nights" where you play board games or listen to your favourite music and just talk with one another about things in general once the baby is in bed?

            You're in a rut it sounds like and instead of breaking up your family, why not try to stoke it back to life first?
            "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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            • #7
              Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
              Instead of leaving and breaking up your family, why don't you talk to her about how you're feeling with regards to her being a pain about your work and being needy and communicate to her that you want some changes to take place so in regards to her neediness?

              Do you guys do anything together? Go on dates without the baby? Have in house "date nights" where you play board games or listen to your favourite music and just talk with one another about things in general once the baby is in bed?

              You're in a rut it sounds like and instead of breaking up your family, why not try to stoke it back to life first?
              We have been through this before, iv laid it out for her a few times and she will back off for a week or 2 then things just go back to normal, its rather frustrating

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              • #8
                Hmm...Well I don't believe in taking a break but if you haved talked to her about it and you do listen to her needs as well which you are because your still miserable I would tell her since your not caring or paying attention of what I'm telling you that makes me happy other then you and my daughter then I'm gong to need a break so I can get started on a business that I know will help us in the long run with Fina ces and to that favorite Italian restaurant you like baby. And there you see how I said it? But I would take a break if shes being too controlling doesn't mean you'll go out with people being imature. It just means that you need time doing making your goals come true and once they are you can show her the benefits of her trusting you and your business.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by chanelle View Post
                  ....If you want to be together, you have to be 100% sure and all in with all your heart. If you feel the pull to be single again so you can devote more time to your business, get together with friends, car events and your SO is too needy, then you've answered your own question. It's obvious you want more out of life than what your partner is giving or lack thereof. There needs to be mutual understanding for relationships to be enduring and stable. If it's rocky with too many doubts, then it's time to have a lengthy discussion with your partner to iron out any issues you may have. Hopefully, both of you can reach a conclusion of whether or not you wish to remain a couple or not. Also, if you can afford to be financially independent as a single parent, you have more options. Many couples cannot afford two residences because one residence is less expensive than two residences. You're not being selfish. It's selfish to be in a relationship which is unfair and if you can set your partner free, then that's unselfish. Honesty is the best policy for your partner and that is unselfish.....
                  This is an answer for people BEFORE they get married and have children. You, MCCB, haven't bothered to make a commitment to your partner, but there is a child involved so it doesn't apply to you.

                  You have a five year-old child to whom you owe every effort to keep your family together. So you keep pushing your girlfriend to work on her sh*t and you two get professional help to improve the relationship so you can both get what you want.

                  You absolutely do NOT get to destroy your child's life because you wonder "what it would be like to be single again".

                  Being a man means honoring your responsibilities even when it's not what you want to do. One day you will look back on your life and have things you are proud of and you will have regrets. I can guarantee you will NOT be proud that you left your girlfriend so you could live the single life for a few more years. And I can guarantee you will regret breaking up your child's home without doing EVERYTHING you could have to keep it together.


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                  • #10
                    Well said, Pollon.
                    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by MCCB View Post

                      We have been through this before, iv laid it out for her a few times and she will back off for a week or 2 then things just go back to normal, its rather frustrating
                      Yes, where you talk to her and she does some changing, temporarily but she was trying. What, if anything, did YOU do during her changes to show her that you appreciated her efforts?

                      You need to do good things in order to get good things back.

                      @ Pollon... Right on!
                      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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