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  • Girl at work

    A girl that works for me, been working closely for over 2 and a half years and have always flirty and close, nothing has ever happened however recently my attraction for her has grown immensely. Unsure whether it's because we are just working closer than ever and spend a lot of time together, often emailing and messaging late into the night (always about work).

    We are both in long-term relationships but I want to take things further. There is clear sexual tension but I don't want to make a move out of fear of rejection and take advantage of my position as boss.

    I've tried forgetting about her and that works for a small period but then my feelings for her come back even stronger.

    What do I do?

  • #2
    If you want to pursue a relationship with a girl from work, you need to break off your long-term relationship. Don't be a jerk.

    Also, your position as a boss give you an unfair advantage. She also might feel obligated to pay attention to you for fear of losing her job. My best advice is for you to forget about her. The more you practice forgetting about her, the easier it will get.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      We are both in long-term relationships but I want to take things further. There is clear sexual tension but I don't want to make a move out of fear of rejection and take advantage of my position as boss.
      I'm going to correct that for you and change it it read: "I don't want to make a move because I am in a loving, committed long term relationship and so is she."

      What do you do? You keep it professional and you cut out all after work communication and zero one-on-one getting together. That means no lunches together and no long drawn out conversations about anything that isn't about work and the assignment(s) at hand.

      If you want to pursue something with someone new then break up with your current and take a chance on a fantasy woman that is also in a relationship. You don't know anything about this woman except what your fantasies about her are CREATING in your head.

      Change all thoughts of her to something else and put the focus back into your current relationship and significant other. If/when she starts to flirt or over-step professional only boundaries: Tell her that the bullshit stops now because you're in a relationship and you could be raked over the coals for sexual misconduct. (use your own professional words)
      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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      • #4
        What do you do ?

        Do your best to stop being a doucebag.
        Whatever it is that you're doing that makes you forget about her for small periods of time ? Do it more.

        And for God sakes, stop the bloody flirting and unnecessary emails or texts late into the night. Your significant other isn't as gullible as you think she is. .................I hope she finds out about 'your employee' and kicks your ass to the curb.
        The definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.

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        • #5
          Thanks everyone for your responses, I know it's wrong and need to stop. I guess I need to be more disciplined and know where to stop. As stupid as it sounds I just needed someone to tell me.

          Thanks

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          • #6
            *Thumbs up* Now, keep it real or next thing you know she'll have you up for some kind of sexual misconduct. It seems that "flirting" is considered sexual harassment now and is causing men to lose their jobs even before proof of any wrongdoing is presented.
            Last edited by phasesofthemoon; January 29th, 2018, 03:59 PM.
            "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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            • #7
              Thanks phaseseofthemoon

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              • #8
                You sound exactly like me - we need to stop this nonsense ASAP. Easier said than done though.

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                • #9
                  Cease all contact and communication (late into the night), don't even go out for lunch, remain business as usual, know your boundaries, be polite and leave it at that. Use common sense, be sensible. How do you go about thinking like this? You tell yourself that when you change for the better, you're avoiding disaster later. Think first. Don't do anything you'll regret. Never mess up your workplace environment otherwise you'll really be sorry. You don't want any awkwardness. You're both in long term relationships so keep it that way and separate your work life from your personal, private life. Be wise. You'll thank yourself for listening to your brain.
                  "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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                  • #10
                    If you get a chance Bobby read my post Work friendship gone sour. Im the last person to judge you when it comes to flirting w/ a colleague, etc. however your position of power and getting involved with this is the issue at hand. I dont want to say its different from colleagues flirting but it really is pushing the envelope. Lesson learned for you. Continue to focus on your career and future.

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                    • #11
                      Thanks CD da man.

                      Fast forward to today and I am so itching to pin her against the wall, she is absolutely craving for it and the sexual tension is unreal! I know it's wrong but it's a matter of time...

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by bobbyd View Post
                        Thanks CD da man.

                        Fast forward to today and I am so itching to pin her against the wall, she is absolutely craving for it and the sexual tension is unreal! I know it's wrong but it's a matter of time...
                        You sound like an idiot. I'm sure you're not so why act like one? How do you know she's "absolutely craving for it?" What has made you think such a thing? What have the two of you been doing to make you post such a ridiculous admission?
                        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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                        • #13
                          I guess the signals are too clear, getting seriously close, touchy feely...constant communication. I've tried the 'keep it to work' and it's so hard to have discipline and get on with work...Help!

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by bobbyd View Post
                            I guess the signals are too clear, getting seriously close, touchy feely...constant communication. I've tried the 'keep it to work' and it's so hard to have discipline and get on with work...Help!
                            Stop being ruled by your dick. You tell her every single time she gets touchy feely or any other way inappropriate and disrespectful to your girlfriend that you tell her something about your girlfriend. When you bring up your girlfriend every time, she will soon enough get the hint that you are not wanting to cross romantic relationship boundaries with her. It's called Blocking. Right now you're encouraging and it's really disappointing to hear you post this when you've told us that you need to stop and be more diciplined.

                            Being close and having this mutual flirt fest become a lifestyle is what has gotten you into this incredibly inappropriate fuck up you find yourself in.
                            "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I know and I don't for 1 second disagree with you - you are absolutely right.

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