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Do I just have to give up someone I love already?

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  • Do I just have to give up someone I love already?

    If you have a loving relationship (for several years) but bf has issues with the truth when it comes to money, do you give him a 2nd chance, a 3rd chance, etc.? I have been proactive in verifying the truth and in most cases, have learned he is either really slanting the truth or outright lying. I really love him and I do believe he really loves me to his core BUT do I really have a future with him (i.e., living together)? In the last lie, he was using funds which technically he is authorized to use, but doesn't belong to him for something which wasn't a necessity and he isn't paying that bill. I asked him about it and he said it was debited from his own account; when I asked for clarification (because I knew it wasn't debited), he now wants to see me and tell me how he "made it right" and the truth must prevail because our relationship is worth it; and that he is and will be the man "I want him to be" and give me love and security the rest of my life. I am a forgiving person and I really love him, but how long do I let this go on???

  • #2
    I might be prone to let it slide once if it was a lapse in judgment regarding a bad financial decision or ignorance (lack of information) but it also depends how bad and how easy it is to fix. If it's a breach in trust regarding shared funds that's slightly different because it's not solely his money and purely negligent. If it's shared and he's unsure he should be discussing with the other joint holder. If you are talking about multiple bad decisions regarding shared funds, it's over and time is up. Life is already hard enough as it is. You don't need someone complicating your life (or your bank accounts).


    • #3
      I agree. Repeated untruthfulness about issues is a huge red flag. He's not likely to change.
      "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


      • #4
        A man who can't handle his finances, isn't going to get his act together overnight.
        I doubt you will ever be able to trust him in your joint finances.

        Take it from someone who's been there and who's still paying the price, get out before he has the power to mess up your finances.
        You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf


        • #5
          Trust issues are huge red flags. The problem with liars is they only grow smarter when it comes to covering their tracks. Beware. They'll repeat and try to get away with it in the future. Don't be someone you can't trust. If you want to make this relationship work, he needs to prove to you that he is sincerely changing and becoming an honest person. You will need evidence and proof of this. Perhaps give it some time and have a wait and see approach. If he is distrustful, sneaky and shady again, then he's not for you. You deserve to have a trustworthy person in your life.
          "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."