Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Had a baby with someone who doesnít want to be a dad.

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Had a baby with someone who doesnít want to be a dad.

    So I started dating my boyfriend, and after two months of being together we found out we were going to have a baby. My boyfriend didnít ever want kids to start out with (guess he should have thought about that first). Now time has passed and the baby is here. Everything was fine at first, he helped with the baby, helped me throughout the night, was being somewhat responsible. Now the baby is three months old and I feel like every day things just get worse. He hasnít had a job almost the entire time we have been together, and has no motivation to get one. Complains about being home with the baby every day. As soon as I get home from work he either leaves or has friends come over and stops helping me all together. Iím about to give up on this relationship. I work a full time job and come home and take care of my baby, while my partner puts in no effort at all. Iím torn

  • #2
    My boyfriend didnít ever want kids to start out with (guess he should have thought about that first).

    Yes, and since you're the one who has to carry and give birth to the baby, YOU also should have thought about it first. You've made a baby with a layabout. What do you plan to do to fix this situation?
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

    Comment


    • #3
      I didnít know that he didnít want kids until after we got pregnant, and I have no idea what Iím going to do. Iím doing my best to be able to provide and take care of my little one now, but it sucks that his daddy doesnít want to be invloved.

      Comment


      • #4
        You act like getting pregnant just 'happened' to you. You DO know how babies are made, right? Were you using contraception? By the way, 'we' didn't get pregnant. You did.

        Yes, it does suck that he doesn't want to be involved, and I'm guessing that you can kiss the prospect of child support goodbye too. If he's babysitting during the day, at least he's doing something. If you can't stand this situation, kick his butt out and get some child care. Be smart the next time.
        "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

        Comment


        • #5
          It did happen to me, just like it happens to most people who aren't expecting it. I was not using contraception for myself because of medical reasons, and no we didn't use any other kind of protection so that is on both of us for not trying to prevent it. And yes, we as a couple got pregnant, it takes two to tango. I didn't make the baby all on my own. As of right now, we live in his parents house. So when I leave for work, he continues to sleep and doesn't wake up for the baby when he starts crying. Then his mom comes into our bedroom and grabs the baby and watches him until about 11 when my boyfriend wakes up. I don't know what happens every day when I am at work, but most days when I get home, his mother tells me how he had it easy all day. His parents are enabling him to be a lazy parent so things will never change.

          When we first started dating, he was working. Then found out he had to have double hernia surgery. So he was off of work for a while. Well he never went back once he was better. Then in the spring he worked for two months, and quit his job because he didn't like the people he worked with everyday.

          All in all, I just feel like I am the only one trying to contribute to this family. I almost started working a second job to be able to have more money, but I didn't take it because he was mad that he would have to watch him longer. I want to be with someone who wants more out of life. I want to be with someone who has goals. I want to be with someone who wants to be able to provide for their family and be excited about taking care of their baby.

          I don't need you to point out all of the things that I have done wrong. I am simply asking for someones thoughts on my current situation, because I am torn on weather I should try and keep my family together, or if I should just do it on my own so that I don't have to argue every day about how long he had to watch our child. I shouldn't have to beg him to watch him while I take a quick shower. I shouldn't get calls while I am at work asking when I will be home because the baby is being fussy and he doesn't want to deal with it.

          Comment


          • #6
            I want to be with someone who wants more out of life. I want to be with someone who has goals. I want to be with someone who wants to be able to provide for their family and be excited about taking care of their baby.

            ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Well there's your answer. You'll probably never have this with Mr. Lounge at Home All Day.

            Where were you living before you got pregnant?

            You're the only one who can decide whether or not you should keep your family together or do it on your own. Are his parents willing to watch the baby while you work? If so, you can get your own place.
            "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

            Comment


            • #7
              Before I got pregnant I was living with two roommates and their little girl in a house we all rented together. His mom won't watch him all day because of her job, she can usually only watch him until Mr. Lazy gets up from being in bed so long. But if she does watch him, she complains about it too... so I don't know.

              Comment


              • #8
                Your best bet is to cut your losses and move out. Find roommates. Find child care. If he ever gets gainfully employed, take him to court and have his wages garnered.
                "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Slowpitchbarbie34 View Post
                  It did happen to me, just like it happens to most people who aren't expecting it. I was not using contraception for myself because of medical reasons, and no we didn't use any other kind of protection so that is on both of us for not trying to prevent it. And yes, we as a couple got pregnant, it takes two to tango. I didn't make the baby all on my own. As of right now, we live in his parents house. So when I leave for work, he continues to sleep and doesn't wake up for the baby when he starts crying. Then his mom comes into our bedroom and grabs the baby and watches him until about 11 when my boyfriend wakes up. I don't know what happens every day when I am at work, but most days when I get home, his mother tells me how he had it easy all day. His parents are enabling him to be a lazy parent so things will never change.

                  When we first started dating, he was working. Then found out he had to have double hernia surgery. So he was off of work for a while. Well he never went back once he was better. Then in the spring he worked for two months, and quit his job because he didn't like the people he worked with everyday.

                  All in all, I just feel like I am the only one trying to contribute to this family. I almost started working a second job to be able to have more money, but I didn't take it because he was mad that he would have to watch him longer. I want to be with someone who wants more out of life. I want to be with someone who has goals. I want to be with someone who wants to be able to provide for their family and be excited about taking care of their baby.

                  I don't need you to point out all of the things that I have done wrong. I am simply asking for someones thoughts on my current situation, because I am torn on weather I should try and keep my family together, or if I should just do it on my own so that I don't have to argue every day about how long he had to watch our child. I shouldn't have to beg him to watch him while I take a quick shower. I shouldn't get calls while I am at work asking when I will be home because the baby is being fussy and he doesn't want to deal with it.
                  'Keep your FAMILY together" ??
                  This is not a FAMILY, barbie. This is 2 irresponsible people fucking without protection, and bringing a poor innocent child into the world, 11 months into the relationship !
                  Yes you SHOULD have to beg him to watch him while you shower and you SHOULD get calls while you're at work asking when you'll be home because the baby is being fussy. I don't give a shit what you or anyone says. This baby is YOUR responsibility. YOUR body, YOUR poor decision to have unprotected sex and YOUR decision to play house with a deadbeat.

                  But you're right, you don't need to be reminded about ALL the things you did wrong. I'm sure that stares you in the face every day.

                  Make a grown-up and responsible move somewhere that you can afford to work, pay for daycare and raise your child as a single mom.
                  There is subsidy that you can apply for that will help you do all that.

                  And don't get upset with anyone on here pointing out the obvious. Perhaps it's exactly what you need to read so that you use your head next time.
                  The definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    So you're implying that this child is not his responsibility? Only mine? Because that doesn't make sense. I don't understand why the blame always gets put on the mothers, that's just the way the world portrays it these days I guess. And I wouldn't take it back, having my child? I couldn't be more blessed to have my baby.

                    I'm a grown up, yes he is my responsibility. But why is he a "poor innocent child"? He has a huge family that loves him and supports him so I think that was a poor statement on your behalf.

                    Sometimes shit happens unexpectedly, that doesn't mean that its a horrible thing or a burden? I am just having a hard time with where my relationship stands because hes a selfish lazy ass. Mommy and daddy still do everything he wants. He won't leave the nest because he can get whatever he wants while living with his parents forever. He just doesn't want to grow up yet and be held accountable for anything.

                    I wouldn't consider this playing house, seeing as this is real life with real issues and a real child.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Slow, in truth your post made it seem that you were pretty much on your own with no help. Where is this huge family that loves and supports the baby? Why aren't you moving in with a sister or mother instead of staying with this deadbeat? And yes, the woman always bears the brunt of being irresponsible,since the baby lodges in her body.
                      "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Slowpitchbarbie34 View Post
                        So you're implying that this child is not his responsibility? Only mine? Because that doesn't make sense. I don't understand why the blame always gets put on the mothers, that's just the way the world portrays it these days I guess. And I wouldn't take it back, having my child? I couldn't be more blessed to have my baby.

                        I'm a grown up, yes he is my responsibility. But why is he a "poor innocent child"? He has a huge family that loves him and supports him so I think that was a poor statement on your behalf.

                        Sometimes shit happens unexpectedly, that doesn't mean that its a horrible thing or a burden? I am just having a hard time with where my relationship stands because hes a selfish lazy ass. Mommy and daddy still do everything he wants. He won't leave the nest because he can get whatever he wants while living with his parents forever. He just doesn't want to grow up yet and be held accountable for anything.

                        I wouldn't consider this playing house, seeing as this is real life with real issues and a real child.
                        Dear Lord, girl.....did you read what you just wrote ???

                        "Mommy and daddy still do everything he wants. He won't leave the nest because he can get whatever he wants while living with his parents forever. He just doesn't want to grow up yet and be held accountable for anything"

                        He's sure grown up enough to put his dick in you and knock you up though, isn't he ? You knew all this about him BEFORE that fateful day, and you were still stupid enough to let him do it UNPROTECTED. So YES, the fact that YOU exercised poor judgment that day, and didn't tell him 'NO' because you didn't want to risk getting pregnant with a momma's boy's baby, makes this baby ENTIRELY your responsibility.

                        Unexpected pregnancies happen when precautions are taken, and you still get pregnant.......THAT is what unexpected means. It's PROBABLE when you fuck a guy without a condom or birth control.

                        When I say this' poor innocent child', I do so because his mother is apparently so naÔve that us adults worry for the well being of this little soul, who is only here because you chose to treat intercourse without the life changing respect it deserved.
                        It's not the responsibility of his "huge family" to raise him and care for him and pay for his needs , now is it ?
                        It's yours.

                        And considering that we've already established that the deadbeat sperm donor isn't going to help you out either emotionally or financially, it's pretty obvious what you should do from here.
                        The definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Slowpitchbarbie34 View Post
                          So you're implying that this child is not his responsibility? Only mine? Because that doesn't make sense. I don't understand why the blame always gets put on the mothers,
                          Grow up. Its your body so YOU should be smart enough to look after what gets into it. That includes virtual strangers sperm that results in YOU getting knocked up and having to deal with a bastardly partner who wants nothing to do with the child or you. If you're going to fuck without protection and not being on BC (for health reasons pffft) then you should be wise enough to have a pre-fuck discussion about what will be the rules should you fall pregnant.

                          that's just the way the world portrays it these days I guess. And I wouldn't take it back, having my child? I couldn't be more blessed to have my baby.
                          Then get yourself away from him after you take him to court for proper child support because he is, at the very least, financially responsible for HIS child even if he doens't want to be in its life.

                          I'm a grown up, yes he is my responsibility. But why is he a "poor innocent child"? He has a huge family that loves him and supports him so I think that was a poor statement on your behalf.
                          You painted a picture of two uncaring caregivers (your bf and his mother) that only do what they need to do until you get home from work.

                          Sometimes shit happens unexpectedly,
                          How can you say having unprotected sex when you're not on BC something "unexpected" happening? Please. It was inevitable.
                          that doesn't mean that its a horrible thing or a burden?
                          Sorry, but IT IS a burden for someone who never wanted to have a child in the first place. He's an asshole for screwing you without a condom if he didn't want kids but you're no better since you've now trapped him, and yourself in a dead end relationship... as you've discovered.

                          I am just having a hard time with where my relationship stands because hes a selfish lazy ass. Mommy and daddy still do everything he wants.
                          Then why did you have unprotected sex with him and end up feeling stuck with a lazy ass whose parents enable him?

                          He won't leave the nest because he can get whatever he wants while living with his parents forever. He just doesn't want to grow up yet and be held accountable for anything.
                          Pretty shitty choice of a boy to be having unprotected sex with then, eh?

                          I wouldn't consider this playing house, seeing as this is real life with real issues and a real child.
                          Yes, and sadly you didn't think of anything prior to getting busy with a lazy ass and now you have your hands full and your emotional health fucked up over someone who clearly does not value you and is unhappy that he is saddled with a baby he never wanted.

                          Please learn the lesson and get your ass to your doctor to be fitted for an IUD or some other form of BC that won't affect whatever "health issue" you say you have that doesn't allow you to use the pill. Stop having unprotected sex with boys you don't even know.

                          Call up your old roommates and see if they still have a place for you. Start being proactive in finding a place to stay, child care, child support in place and leave the fucktard who screwed you into the mess you're now in. You can love your baby without him in your life. As for visitation, it looks like grandma will be doing most of the caregiving while her asshole son fucks up left right and center.

                          Sorry for being harsh but you are so in denial about what a mistake you made by allowing a stranger to cum inside of you without protection. You could have gotten any number of STD/STI's along with your baby so please carry rubbers with you once you break up with your baby-daddy and don't let this happen to you again.
                          Last edited by phasesofthemoon; January 11th, 2018, 03:49 PM.
                          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Slowpitchbarbie34 View Post
                            ....So you're implying that this child is not his responsibility? Only mine? Because that doesn't make sense. I don't understand why the blame always gets put on the mothers, that's just the way the world portrays it these days I guess. .......
                            When a woman CHOOSES to have unprotected sex with an irresponsible young man she hardly knows who lives with his parents and cannot support either himself or a family, it is not entirely her fault she becomes pregnant. However, she is fully responsible for her situation because no one else is going to take the responsibility.

                            When a woman CHOOSES to dress provocatively, go to a seedy club known for hook-ups, get intoxicated, and behave in a manner suggesting she's receptive, it is not entirely her fault she gets sexually assaulted. However, she if fully responsible for putting herself in that dangerous situation.

                            When an aspiring young actress CHOOSES to accept a hotel room meeting with a disgusting movie producer in an industry WIDELY known for the proverbial "casting couch", it is not entirely her fault she gets propositioned and/or sexually assaulted. However, she is fully responsible for putting herself in that compromised position.

                            It's so sad that it has become politically incorrect to teach young women that the world is a dangerous place and that they must wise up and take responsibility for their own safety and well-being.

                            And as a result, we get this kind of silly response to what all these wise and experienced women (Pistol, Phases, & Sarah) consider obvious.

                            Barbie, what did your mother suggest you do? Do you have a relationship with her? Can she help?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Slowpitchbarbie34 View Post
                              It did happen to me, just like it happens to most people who aren't expecting it. I was not using contraception for myself because of medical reasons, and no we didn't use any other kind of protection so that is on both of us for not trying to prevent it. And yes, we as a couple got pregnant, it takes two to tango. I didn't make the baby all on my own. As of right now, we live in his parents house. So when I leave for work, he continues to sleep and doesn't wake up for the baby when he starts crying. Then his mom comes into our bedroom and grabs the baby and watches him until about 11 when my boyfriend wakes up. I don't know what happens every day when I am at work, but most days when I get home, his mother tells me how he had it easy all day. His parents are enabling him to be a lazy parent so things will never change.

                              When we first started dating, he was working. Then found out he had to have double hernia surgery. So he was off of work for a while. Well he never went back once he was better. Then in the spring he worked for two months, and quit his job because he didn't like the people he worked with everyday.

                              All in all, I just feel like I am the only one trying to contribute to this family. I almost started working a second job to be able to have more money, but I didn't take it because he was mad that he would have to watch him longer. I want to be with someone who wants more out of life. I want to be with someone who has goals. I want to be with someone who wants to be able to provide for their family and be excited about taking care of their baby.

                              I don't need you to point out all of the things that I have done wrong. I am simply asking for someones thoughts on my current situation, because I am torn on weather I should try and keep my family together, or if I should just do it on my own so that I don't have to argue every day about how long he had to watch our child. I shouldn't have to beg him to watch him while I take a quick shower. I shouldn't get calls while I am at work asking when I will be home because the baby is being fussy and he doesn't want to deal with it.
                              With due respect, you're not the only one contributing. Child care is critical and you're very lucky to have a family/relative do that for you while you're working. That aside, do you have a few connections that will enable you to get on your feet doing this alone? A close neighbour, relative etc or do you think you could afford childcare while you're at work. You've agreed the current situation is unhealthy. I think continuing to apportion blame is not useful especially after the fact. What energy you have should be used in calculating your moves out and a plan to execute that good life you're talking about - feeling happy, looking forward to each day with certainty and enjoying caring for your baby. You'll probably have to be willing to coordinate partial custody or allow visits if you have sole custody. (Yes, I know you're not married but you get the gist)

                              If you imagine separating, do you see the in-laws or his parents and him being reasonable about seeing the boy?
                              Last edited by Rose Mosse; January 12th, 2018, 01:21 AM.

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X