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Should I walk away after being engaged for 6 years?

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  • Should I walk away after being engaged for 6 years?

    I'm so broken and tired of the waiting, I'm a commuter between my house and his that are probably 15 minutes apart. He talks as if we are already married and living together until it's time for me to pack up and leave. After almost nine years of this I can't taake anymore of it. But my heart breaks without him. He doesnt want to talk about anything to do with out relationship, if I insist on it, I'm bitching or fussing at him. I'm at the end of my rope and I do not know what to do. Any advise would be great.
    Last edited by Luvtruelysucks; January 6th, 2018, 07:34 PM.

  • #2
    Is it a money problem or a planning problem? Addiction? Family? Health issues?

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    • #3
      None of those are a issue, we get along wonderfuly we both have kids and have grandchildren, no problems wirh them. No alcohol involved, we both have great jobs. We never set a date, he always said he was going to surprise me and take me to a beach wedding vacation. Well after two years waiting on that never happen, I now get its not time yet. I get the run around . He refuses to give me a reason for why he cant give me a date. He tells me to relax and it will happen. I don't get it. We don't live together, he has said at times it is getting harder to be without me, but nothing ever changes. When people meet us the automatically think we are married or living together. We spend all our time off t ogethet, vacation together with our friends and family, holidays are the same....it's like we live the married life without being married or live together. But my waiting on him has just about timed out.

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      • #4
        Our adult kids are from previous marriages.

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        • #5
          what do you like about a guy that is afraid to commit in nine years? try no sex game till wedding night routine. if this no work starts shopping for new partners

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          • #6
            May I ask what this marriage represents to you? Marriage can represent status in a community, a personal spiritual connection between two people, or sometimes a necessity or legal matter for shared children. I'm curious what the act of getting married represents to you personally. Is there anything else besides being fed up with the fact that he doesn't do what he says (lack of integrity)?

            Work down what marriage to him means to you. You may or may not find that it matters. If it does matter for those reasons you've worked out, you will know what makes you happy and why. That may be a start to a conversation with him that does not begin with blaming him for being thoughtless or lazy (not saying that you would but it would be easy to). You'll also find yourself stronger in your resolve and perhaps better directed on a path to your happiness.

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            • #7
              Marriage to him would mean a normal life, no more packing up bags to go stay with him and we would be living in one house, no more taking care of a home that isn't needed. I clean and take care of his house and mine. It would simplify things. It would mean finally sharing our life together for real and not like it was pretend.
              Last edited by Luvtruelysucks; January 6th, 2018, 10:51 PM.

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              • #8
                Is there any other reason than for convenience or concern out of what other people think? You could move in with him and not get married. By the way I empathize with you as I was also in the same boat as you awhile ago regarding the cleaning and living out of a bag.

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                • #9
                  A six year engagement is not an engagement. It's a tool to keep someone hanging on. He has no intention of getting married. From his perspective, what is the benefit of being married again?

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                  • #10
                    I have ask about moving in with him and not getting married but the answer is the same, it's not time yet. I can stay with him for mths at a time,but I am living put of bags. I am madly in love with him and we are perfect together. Just the the one big elephant in the room his lack of committing to living with or marriage. He is stubborn as the day is long on this subject and doesn't want to talk about it at all. He thinks I should be happy with things the way they are.

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                    • #11
                      The main reason for wanting to live with or be married to him is to be wake up next to the man I love every morning and lying down each and everynight with him. I miss him when we aren't together and there is no explainable reason for us not to be together. I have said those words to him over and over but he didn't hear them or he just doesn't care.

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                      • #12
                        I asked you what the benefit of living together or getting married from HIS perspective. What do you bring to the relationship that he can't take care of himself or that he might really appreciate about being with you?

                        Obviously, waking up next to you isn't worth all the things he would be giving up (whatever those things might be). Do you take good care of him? Are you a complainer? Does he feel criticized by you? Why should he WANT you there so much? It seems he doesn't.

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