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Should I stop feeling guilty?

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  • Should I stop feeling guilty?

    Hello, long time lurker here. I could really use some advice and kind words!

    Me and the ex gf broke up 6 months ago. We kind of stayed in touch, saw each other every month to see where we were in life. Never kissed, never had sex after the break up. We sometimes slept in the same bed, but 100% platonically.

    I very casually started seeing a woman 4 months ago (no strings attached at all). Letís call her X. I liked her, but a month or so ago she made it very clear she was not in love with me and she will never get to that point. So we decided to continue as friends. X knew about me seeing the ex sometimes. We were that casual.

    A week after that, X and I end up in bed together after a night of drinking. I figured it was just a friends with benefits thing, as she was so clear about not wanting me in a love/sexual way! But the days after she seemed a little bit interested in me and I noticed her attitude started shifting. But I wasn't sure. And I was kind of unsure about her intentions. During that time I met up for a drink with the ex and spent the night, because I felt alone I guess. Again, nothing happened. Just sleeping. No kissing etc. I did not tell X, since I felt like had no obligation to do so. She was clear about not being in love with me, and we did not have an agreement of any sort.

    The 4 weeks after that, X and I saw a lot more of each other and she admitted to have fallen in love with me. I started feeling the same and we made it exclusive.

    But now, I feel sooo guilty about the platonic sleepover with the ex, weeks before exclusivity with X. Iím freaking out and feel like a cheater?? Itís all I can think about.

    This is mainly because X said her feelings for me started to change and grow after we had the drunk sex again. She also told me she would be very very disappointed if she found out if I had been kissing other people by that point. I did not kiss anyone, I just had that platonic sleepover with the ex. And I still feel like at that point in time, it was 100% none of her business. But I feel like cr*p, because I think she would call it quits if she knew. Do you guys have any advice? Thanks so much.
    I have stopped seeing the ex btw after that sleepover, as it didnít feel right any more.

  • #2
    So she fell in love with you because of drunken sex?


    • #3
      And I still feel like at that point in time, it was 100% none of her business.

      ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ That
      "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


      • #4
        I wouldn't mention it as most people in that situation (on the receiving/listening end) will find it difficult to believe that you didn't mess around or have sex with your ex and were strictly platonic. If that's running through your mind at any point, discard it please. Don't bring it up. Try not to be so overly critical of yourself. Sleeping in a bed with no sex with the ex is a LOT less than what a lot of people are doing out there with their ex and other people at the same time! Keep it real and chill out. Thank X for her thoughts and learn to navigate it to more fun territory. This kind of conversation must be very irritating after some time. If she constantly makes remarks about the time previous to making the relationship official in similar contexts and swipes at your previous love life, call her out on it and tell her while you're open to genuine conversation, constant throwbacks are unnecessary and take away from the time you both have together now.
        Last edited by Rose Mosse; January 4th, 2018, 03:46 AM.


        • #5
          It's none of her business really if at the time you were only in a casual relationship. Anyway as you said, nothing sexual happened so don't tell her!