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  • Does he love me?

    I met this guy 9 months ago on a dating app Im 22 and he is 28 and the age gap really bothered him at first but it doesn't seem to bother him anymore. At the time I was very busy and working out of state and he just got out of a 4 year relationship, so neither of us were looking for commitment. We agreed to hang out and have sex and I don't think either of us thought that this would last this long or that we would like each other this much. A couple months ago he asked me if I loved him and it completely caught me off guard because I have not thought in that direction because we weren't in a relationship so I just ignored his comment. Fast forward to last night he said the same thing. It is frustrating to me because he is moving to Mexico in 2 weeks for work and so obviously this can't go anywhere. I just said I really like you even though I do love him but I don't want to tell that to someone who won't say it back. He said he really likes me too. A little later in the night he said it again and I told him he was being rude. He felt bad and apologized and asked why it was rude. I just asked him what he wanted me to say. He made a joke and said that he wanted me to say that I love him tons! I just laughed and we moved on with other topics. We agreed in the beginning to be really honest with each other and so he will occasionally ask me if Ive been with anyone else even thoughI told him in the beginning that I wanted to be monogamous. He was the one who said that he wasn't ready for that. ( side note: he has only been with one other person since we met.) A little while later while we were getting ready for bed he asked me if I was only hanging out with him for the sex. I thought that was weird because I'm pretty sure he knows I love him, we hang out without having sex and I consider us friends. I said no and then he asked me why. I asked him the same thing and he's said that he just feels comfortable with me. I know it seems weird but I feel really flattered about that because I know a lot about his past that may make that hard for him, and he is a really good looking guy who could get many girls but he is choosing me. He then asked if I loved him again. At this point we were cuddling and I just responded by giving him a kiss on the neck because I am a bad liar and I don't want to tell him yes even though he probably knows. He proceeded with the conversation by saying that he was afraid of breaking my heart. It is probably too late for that but its not his fault because he never lied about his intentions and I don't want him to feel bad. I just said that he made himself clear in the beginning and I know this is going to end but I just want to enjoy it while it lasts. He quickly replied that it won't end, the way we hang out will change but he wants to be my friend forever. He said that he really wants to focus on himself and his career and right now but if he was ready for a relationship he would date me. I would normally take this as a bad excuse but I believe that if it were something else he would tell me. Also this is him bringing this up on his own I never asked. We messed around and then fell asleep in a hugging position as close to each other as we could get, and we stayed that way all night. We normally cuddle but never like this, and again this wasn't initiated by me. I tend to over think things so I might be completely off track but this is what I think. I think that he loves me. I am pretty sure he knows I love him so he is expecting me to say yes when he asks and ask him the same thing. I don't know why someone would want to set themselves up for such an awkward moment if not...? There have also been a few changes that I've noticed over the last month or so. When we have sex he holds my hand and kisses me a lot more and over all just keeps getting better. He kisses me on the forehead a lot when we hang out, which I find super sweet. He shows affection towards me in front of his friends and also mentioned something about wanting meeting my parents in front of them. Finally we have been busy and had not seen each other in a couple weeks, which has not been normal for us for the last 3 months. He kept saying he missed me and asking me if I missed him last night.
    I considered confessing my love for him and try to convince him that we should be together before he leaves but I don't think that would be fair because I believe he is truly trying to better himself. He will only be in Mexico for 3 months so I think that it would be better to let him do what he feels if right for him and hopefully he will miss me while he's gone. I won't wait for him but I don't see myself being in a committed relationship within that amount of time. Maybe when he comes back I will talk to him about my feelings. I have been single for 2 years because I have been focusing on my goals and have been waiting for someone who compliments my life. I have had opportunities for relationships during that time so hopefully this shows that I really care about this guy and I'm not just desperate lol! I just really wish I knew how he felt so I don't feel so dumb about falling for a guy who won't commit to me. What do you guys think? Do I have a chance? Thanks in advance!

  • #2
    Originally posted by ConfusedasF? View Post
    I met this guy 9 months ago on a dating app Im 22 and he is 28 and the age gap really bothered him at first but it doesn't seem to bother him anymore. At the time I was very busy and working out of state and he just got out of a 4 year relationship, so neither of us were looking for commitment.

    We agreed to hang out and have sex and I don't think either of us thought that this would last this long or that we would like each other this much. A couple months ago he asked me if I loved him and it completely caught me off guard because I have not thought in that direction because we weren't in a relationship so I just ignored his comment.

    Fast forward to last night he said the same thing. It is frustrating to me because he is moving to Mexico in 2 weeks for work and so obviously this can't go anywhere. I just said I really like you even though I do love him but I don't want to tell that to someone who won't say it back. He said he really likes me too. A little later in the night he said it again and I told him he was being rude. He felt bad and apologized and asked why it was rude. I just asked him what he wanted me to say. He made a joke and said that he wanted me to say that I love him tons! I just laughed and we moved on with other topics.

    We agreed in the beginning to be really honest with each other and so he will occasionally ask me if Ive been with anyone else even thoughI told him in the beginning that I wanted to be monogamous. He was the one who said that he wasn't ready for that. ( side note: he has only been with one other person since we met.) A little while later while we were getting ready for bed he asked me if I was only hanging out with him for the sex. I thought that was weird because I'm pretty sure he knows I love him, we hang out without having sex and I consider us friends. I said no and then he asked me why. I asked him the same thing and he's said that he just feels comfortable with me.
    I know it seems weird but I feel really flattered about that because I know a lot about his past that may make that hard for him, and he is a really good looking guy who could get many girls but he is choosing me.

    He then asked if I loved him again. At this point we were cuddling and I just responded by giving him a kiss on the neck because I am a bad liar and I don't want to tell him yes even though he probably knows. He proceeded with the conversation by saying that he was afraid of breaking my heart. It is probably too late for that but its not his fault because he never lied about his intentions and I don't want him to feel bad. I just said that he made himself clear in the beginning and I know this is going to end but I just want to enjoy it while it lasts. He quickly replied that it won't end, the way we hang out will change but he wants to be my friend forever. He said that he really wants to focus on himself and his career and right now but if he was ready for a relationship he would date me. I would normally take this as a bad excuse but I believe that if it were something else he would tell me. Also this is him bringing this up on his own I never asked.

    We messed around and then fell asleep in a hugging position as close to each other as we could get, and we stayed that way all night. We normally cuddle but never like this, and again this wasn't initiated by me. I tend to over think things so I might be completely off track but this is what I think. I think that he loves me. I am pretty sure he knows I love him so he is expecting me to say yes when he asks and ask him the same thing. I don't know why someone would want to set themselves up for such an awkward moment if not...? There have also been a few changes that I've noticed over the last month or so. When we have sex he holds my hand and kisses me a lot more and over all just keeps getting better. He kisses me on the forehead a lot when we hang out, which I find super sweet. He shows affection towards me in front of his friends and also mentioned something about wanting meeting my parents in front of them. Finally we have been busy and had not seen each other in a couple weeks, which has not been normal for us for the last 3 months. He kept saying he missed me and asking me if I missed him last night.

    I considered confessing my love for him and try to convince him that we should be together before he leaves but I don't think that would be fair because I believe he is truly trying to better himself. He will only be in Mexico for 3 months so I think that it would be better to let him do what he feels if right for him and hopefully he will miss me while he's gone. I won't wait for him but I don't see myself being in a committed relationship within that amount of time. Maybe when he comes back I will talk to him about my feelings. I have been single for 2 years because I have been focusing on my goals and have been waiting for someone who compliments my life. I have had opportunities for relationships during that time so hopefully this shows that I really care about this guy and I'm not just desperate lol!

    I just really wish I knew how he felt so I don't feel so dumb about falling for a guy who won't commit to me. What do you guys think? Do I have a chance? Thanks in advance!

    You had a lot of chances to tell him how you felt but since you're too afraid of hear a negative response to your confession of love, the very least you could have done was reply with "why, do you love me" when he asked you the third of forth time if you loved him.

    Sadly, you went into a casual relationship where the both of you have crossed all of the "casual relationship" boundaries and did bonding rituals out the ying yang with one another that has fucked up the dynamic considerably. If you're going into something as fuck buddies then you should not be cuddling, meeting friends, talking about meeting parents or any of the other things the two of you have done to get you where you are and HIM with all the power in this relationship.

    Ask him if he loves you and when you get the answer, please come back here and lets discuss what his answer was. We can help you through your grief if he isn't on the same page as you are.

    P.S. If you respond, please do so in proper paragraphs. I took the time to separate your wall of text so it would be easier to read (no offence meant, just sayin).
    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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    • #3
      Thanks for your reply!
      Do you think I should wait until he comes back from Mexico to tell him how I feel? I don’t think it will do anybody any good to talk about it since he’s leaving so soon. He wants me to visit him while he’s there so maybe that would be a good time? Or should I just wait until he comes home and see where he’s at? Maybe he’ll be in a better place to talk about relationships then since he’ll have made progress on his goals and maybe he’ll miss me?

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      • #4
        I think you should wait (assuming he's actually coming back from Mexico). Go and have fun under the status quo if you meet him there and then get it all out in the open when he comes back and when you're both in a good mood. Be brave and get er done. You'e wasting valuable dating years not knowing if this relationship is ever going to advance past the limbo you've placed yourself in.

        Good luck.. Keep us posted.
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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