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  • Instagramification

    My SO makes a big deal of me. Tells everybody on social media how wonderful I am.
    Puts me on a pedestal and has a pet name for me. He tells me he doesn't ever want another relationship, wants to be faithful and that he is putting a lot of effort into me.
    Everything he does is wonderful. He is a good person but I believe he has an addiction. He is an attention hound and needs verification from other women online.

    All of this attention he gives me. When we are together we are inseparable best friends.

    However...

    My SO has been hounding other women on social media and on messenger. I caught him mid November.

    He essentially told another woman that he prefers her over me. When I confronted him he said he was just stroking her ego and that I am the one he is serious about.
    He denied it for a time but then confessed that he was concerned I was not serious about him. (Thus the reason for hounding) So I made it official. Everyone now knows by our status that we are in a relationship. He still continues to put me on a pedestal.
    However, since made a serious commitment to him I am still seeing him hound other women online. One girl I noticed unfollowed him after he liked and commented on many of her photos. Should I see this as a very red flag?
    I noticed he still follows dating sites. Maybe old ones that he still hasn't unfollowed.
    He is not a part of any dating site that I know of, but still follows them on social media.
    Do you believe he will grow out of this as the relationship strengthens? Or do you believe he is lying (on a crazy level) to me?

  • #2
    No and Yes.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      You caught him once and called him out on it. And yet he continues to do it.

      I think you need to tell him that it makes you uncomfortable and you'd like him to stop. If his response is anything other than ''OK fine'' then I would say that he isn't serious.

      His over the top adoration of you on social media seems strange to me. Almost like he's over-compensating for something.
      Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.

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      • #4
        I do admit this seems to be a very unique circumstance with someone who is crazy. I give him originality points.

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        • #5
          Please leave him.... that you have already feel attached and loyal to someone like this is painful to watch. I've found it's usually best to date or marry someone on your wavelength when it comes to sociability.

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          • #6
            This obsession with social media is a sickness. If Iím understanding you, it was updating your ďstatus ď on social media that he sought and you thought was a sign of the seriousness of your relationship. How old are you two? Is this an online relationship or a real one?

            these are big red flags and he isnít going to give up his addiction for you if you donít demand it. And even then heíll drop you first.
            Last edited by Pollon; December 21st, 2017, 01:33 PM.

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            • #7
              No. We are together in person. I saw the emotional cheating on his phone. I'm trying to see if he is doing right by me. But isn't.
              The mind games are messing with my head. We are mature "adults" but I suppose I have to leave him. It's just very hard.

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              • #8
                Just ask yourself whether he's everything and then some to you. If the answer is No, well... you know what to do. The point is the person you're with should be everything and more. When we start making excuses for bad behaviour and cooking up excuses and allowing them to be everything that does not make you happy, that's when confusion starts.

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                • #9
                  I think it will get worse as the relationship "strengthens" which really is an incorrect choice of word , more like lengthen.

                  He sounds like a narcissist to me.
                  He outwardly puts you on a pedestal but that's only attention seeking , it's not his true feelings.
                  Its all about him.

                  He wanted you to make your relationship official or "serious" by you putting your relationship status on social media. Thats controlling. And attention seeking.
                  If he truly cared more about you than he does himself , that wouldn't even cross his mind.

                  I suggest run ! And fast! Someone like that can make you feel so special and on top of the world but will also make you feel the lowest of low. He will gaslight you , making you think you are crazy for worrying about "insignificant" girls on Insta.

                  A guy that truly cares about you would not behave the way he is.

                  Sorry!

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                  • #10
                    I'm not going to judge him, but a man in a stable relationship is much more appealing to a woman in general. This has been said by some evolutionary psychologists, that a person (mostly a male) in a re;ationship might sound more appealing because it shows others that he is desirable, strong, etc.

                    But regardless of that, this kind of presence on social media is strange, and will probably damage your privacy in the. What if you two have a fight at some point? Is he going to publicly announce it for all to see? Some people are more vocal, more extroverted and that is normal. I myself am a vocal extrovert, for example when I hang out with a group of friends, I tell about it to my brother, my parents or other friends. But there are boundaries. And intimate life is between the people involved. There is no need do show off, you are not a trophy.

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