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  • Sacrifices

    My SO and I have been together for 8 years. It has been a bumpy road, as we found out we were having a baby three months after we started dating (he was 22 and I was 25), but we have always loved each other and worked hard to rise above our challenges. We bought a house together two years ago, we both have established careers and our son is the best kid in the world. Overall, we are in the best place we've ever been in our relationship.

    With that being said, I constantly feel like I am the only one who makes sacrifices for our family and it really bothers me. For example, I started getting sick on Wednesday evening. Kiddo was sick last week and it passed, so I assumed it was a virus. By Saturday, I realized it wasn't just going away so I went to Urgent Care. I have strep throat. I was miserable from Wednesday until yesterday when the antibiotic finally started kicking in. SO had to work this Friday-Sunday and his schedule is NOT flexible, which I totally understand and do not complain about (law enforcement). My son was with me the entire time I was sick except for Thursday. I felt guilty as could be because he was SO BORED. He played Xbox and on his iPad while I slept on and off and lounged on the couch. I pushed through as much as I could and of course I kept him fed. I made it very clear to SO that I felt bad and kiddo was incredibly bored during the day. I don't bark orders, but yes, I will hint. Hint hint...the kid is bored all day, so when you get home can ya entertain him? That was too much to ask of course because although this weekend was far from normal, SO carried on as if nothing was going on in his life. He got up at 3am so he could workout before work therefore, he fell asleep as soon as his butt hit the couch in the evening. There was no entertaining the child. There was no cleaning the kitchen although we had no silverware or dishes to eat out of. I'm just thinking... Why wouldn't you just skip the gym for a few days in order to put our family first? I needed him to pick up my slack. Help me, be my partner! I always bust my butt to make sure our house and family is taken care of. I feel like I make sacrifices ALL THE TIME because of his schedule, his needs, his wants. I don't mind it, but I do mind that I never get the same in return. I tried not to get pissed off while doing the dishes last night, but I did. So we argued because of course, if I express my opinion and it's anything other than "You're amazing", it's a problem. I just can't seem to get him to understand how I feel. I've had this conversation with him MANY times because it's a huge issue for me. I don't know what else to do at this point.

  • #2
    Yes, he should have skipped the gym for a few days to help you out. That's what committed spouses do, but as you are not married after 8 years, I wonder what your level of commitment is to each other, at least on his part. Has he always been this way or is it just recently?

    I guess you've gotten him quite used to being the one who makes all the sacrifices. Why should he change now? You need to have a 'coming to Jesus' session with him, and let him know that if things don't change, you don't see yourself growing old with him. Perhaps just let the dishes pile up in the sink and the laundry pile up to the ceiling. Give your child something quick and easy and let your SO live in the chaos for a few days to show him what it is that you do.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


    • #3
      It has been really bad over the last three years because his schedule has been demanding and he started getting serious about working out then as well because it's his stress reliever. I do understand and support it, but I just feel like sometimes there are other things that are more important (like ME and our SON).


      • #4
        Then ask him outright what you want from him and keep asking him. If you're not communicating to him then don't blame him for not doing what you expect from him. Some men just leave all the shit to the woman when it comes to the home and you have to spell it out to them what it is they are to do.
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


        • #5
          Do you work? Or a full time at home mum?

          Sorry but strep throat does not incapacitate anyone. Kids that get it generally require antibiotics to get rid of it. Most adults immune systems get rid of it naturally. Yeah it's not nice but it's liveable. And as I said does not incapacitate you. You got antibiotics from a Dr who probably shouldn't even have prescribed them.

          So, with that said, why are you feeling sorry for yourself? Is it you that's bored??


          • #6
            Originally posted by hgielhsa View Post
            ....My SO and I have been together for 8 years. It has been a bumpy road, as we found out we were having a baby three months after we started dating (he was 22 and I was 25),.....
            I'm guessing there are a LOT of issues going one here. Commitment, resentments, disappointments, etc. His lack of effort might be a passive aggressive FU for hijacking his life.

            I agree with Sarah that a "coming to Jesus" moment is needed to clear the air, reexamine the family plan, set some expectations and put this relationship on a more secure and honest footing.